Mariposa Kisses (aka Dianne's Blog)

The creeping shadow inched closer to my trembling body as I begged the distant wind to mask the noise of my frantic heart. Unconsciously, snow white fingers covered my blood red lips, to mute the incessant screams. No-one could hear me inside the moist, black cave anyways. So I waited, prayed, and accepted the only certainty that I could hold onto--- I would soon be dead. Suddenly, warm air brushed across the nape of my neck; and before I could take another breath, mechanical limbs forced me under its fire-red belly. My scalp was pulled in one direction while wrestling toes were yanked in the other. Icy cold numbness paralyzed my mind while boiling heat raged inside my veins. The sound of steel drums juxtaposed against peaceful piano chords inside my ears. My mind and body were one--- yet two, contradictory forces fighting a battle that could not be won. Being hunted was so much different than I’d imagined--- so eternal, so cold, so futile! All that "fight or flight" crap I’d learned back in Psychology 101 seemed pointless for real life. I could barely navigate this cave under perfect lighting conditions, let alone now with my head lamp gone and a bone-dry canteen. Plus I felt way too traumatized to fight--- so I had to surrender myself to focused meditation. Visions of sailing ashes--- gliding over the breezy Pacific filled my mind, along with dozens of fragrant, yellow rose pedals. But then its piercing orange gaze forced me to open my cool, graying eyes. And with one last glimpse of courage and humanity, I sat up and stared the jet black spider straight in the eyes, imploring it to reconsider. Then at the height of insanity, serenity took over; like in a dream, my speeding heart slowed to an incoherent hum. "Bump…bump… bump." I could no longer hear normal sounds, like the water droplets dripping down the side of the muddied wall or the frantic bats fleeing for their lives overhead. It felt like my soul was floating outside of my body now--- almost given over to death because I could barely feel a thing. "DEAR GOD HELP ME!" The blow overpowered my neck and shoulders. "I’m electrocuted! Somebody, help!" But no-one heard my ear-piercing shrieks for salvation. No-one came to my rescue as three short decades sprinted down an icy, black tunnel. And you’d think death would take longer than this but almost instantly, I found myself colliding with another world, where reds and blues flowed perfectly together forming a new shade of purple that I’d never seen before. It was a place where laughter sounded like singing and breathing felt like dancing. Rescued from the nightmare behind me, un-sourced rays of glittery sunlight began to flood my body with soothing, feather-like molecules. The magical light renewed my skin and strengthened my muscles. My bones felt supercharged too--- as if they’d been replaced with some kind of titanium alloy. Oddly, who and where I was no longer made sense, but my response to this supernatural experience was utter and total relief. I was healed. I had forgotten what physical and emotional pain felt like. Carefree and peaceful, my heart and mind felt refreshed---such new feelings for me. You see I’m a worry-a-holic. But somehow the healing spray had transformed me. I couldn’t even stress about my husband or my three kids anymore. Deep down, I knew they were fine and for the first time in a long time, I simply embraced the moment that I was in. I couldn’t predict what would come next or how I would get back home as I skipped toward a liquid blue path that led to a green, flowing pool. But I didn’t care--- I was no longer afraid. I had defeated death. All along, I could hear my name being called aloud in a language that I’d never heard before--- but that I’d known since before I was born. And instantly I recognized the voice from the blue-eyed creature with white and blue wings like an oversized eagle. His light colored skin and blonde, long hair made me think of a dream I’d had as a child where a majestic white horse had rescued me from a cruel and unquenchable forest fire. At this moment, my mind remembered perfectly, all the goodness from my past but longed for the adventures ahead--- even more. As I stared into the green pool, I felt the wind singing new sounds, like I’d acquired a sixth sense. Then, as if he could read my thoughts, the angelic creature motioned for me to take his hand. As fast as blinking, we were gliding across the green lake, side by side. There was some kind of gravitational pull that held this world together but it was strange how I could fly now too. I let go of his hand and flipped and twirled on my own. I smiled as I looked into his feather-shadowed reflection down below and laughed as my toes tickled nearby tree-tops. They felt so silky and warm, like a robe that’s just come out of the dryer. And all of a sudden it hit me---- that I had my own wings as well, beautiful silvery white wings with a hint of purple around the edges. Then out of nowhere, the peaceful feelings inside my soul faded as a loud shouting noise pierced my angelic ears. And as fast as lightning races across the blackened sky, I began to free-fall down toward the water. My wings felt frozen, like they had been cut off from my back. I tried to fall gracefully but couldn’t slow down. It felt like my heart would pop open. “Jennifer, get up! It’s already seven in the morning. They’re going to be late for school. You must have hit snooze like ten times,” Eric lovingly pounded into my delicate ears. I felt I had just evaded death. How could my husband not realize that getting our three kids to school on time paled in comparison? “I’ll skip my shower. Don’t worry! I just need some strong coffee,” I whined as I flopped onto my back in the shape of a very sloppy X. Out of the corner of my sleep-encrusted eyes, I noticed a pure, white feather falling from the sky, cascading just inches beyond my wooden, red-framed window. Under normal circumstances, I would have assumed it was just a sea gull’s feather since we live so close to the beach. But this was different; its iridescent glow called me to notice its presence in some kind of spiritual way, which sounds weird, I know. It’s just that after that bizarre dream, today’s beginning found me confused and a bit strung out--- wishing the heavenly sun-spray had been real. And I’m not sure why, but this twirling feather reminded me of The Nutcracker Ballet, which made me think of Alexa, my older sister, who I hadn’t spoken to in months. And that prompted me to text her about her upcoming birthday. I couldn’t believe she was turning forty-one this year. But without a single sip of coffee, I could hardly be expected to produce any type of rational thought so early in the morning. Then against my better judgment, my face plunged back into my over-sized pillow for just a few more minutes of "rest."