Mariposa Kisses (aka Dianne's Blog)

Our most special moments should be savored and remembered. One way to do this is to keep a token from that treasured memory with you. You can take a physical memento, a digital picture, or a meditated impression upon your heart. It's valuable to recount the spectacular moments of our lives because they remind us that life is great, even when we occasionally travel through a season of darkness or despair. As Dennis Prager wisely opines during his "Happiness Hour" every Friday on 590 KTIE, happiness is a personal and individual choice that makes humanity better. One particular way to feel happier is to focus on joyful memories.

When I visit the beach, I love brushing my sandy feet on my car's floor mat. You might wonder why I would promote making a mess in my car; it might even seem nonsensical or foolish. However, when I drive back home for the hour and fifteen minutes, I am left with a token of relaxation and peace that the ocean brings for me. Why clean it up right away? Instead, I get to see the granules on my car's rug for the weeks ahead and am reminded of the terrific moments I had while breathing in the salty air. The physical memento allows me to relish the few hours I had while soaking in the tranquil gusts of wind upon my face.

A special recollection that remains with me is a recent anniversary celebration. My husband and I celebrated our eleven year wedding anniversary at Cafe Sevilla in downtown Riverside. To start off, we enjoyed two delectable tapas dishes: Sevilla fried calamari, dusted in paprika seasoned flour, and Cheese Fundido, an appetizer made of baked Manchego and goat cheese with Chorizo sausage. The sangria royale was unmatched in its bold yet fruity flavor, as were the classic marinated and grilled steak medallions drizzled in a rich Cabrales bleu cheese sauce. The grilled salmon was dressed in a glorious fresh tomato, basil, and Kalamata olive salsa that bordered on perfection.

The mere tip of the iceberg had been touched, for the heavenly flavors continued. The salmon's moisture was delicately absorbed by the gentle sundried tomato and goat cheese tortilla espanola. Additionally, the chocolate crepe dessert was matched only by the famed ones we savored while celebrating our two year anniversary in Paris. Gypsy Kings played in the background while we snuggled sweetly in to our rounded and intimate booth. The Spanish decor captivated our hearts for a daydream overseas to Spain. To savor the romance of that night, I keep the colorful mint wrappers in the outer pocket of my red leather purse, along with some treasured digital photos residing on my cell phone. When I observe the idle colorful squares, I am reminded of this unique dining experience and furthermore of my beloved spouse.

If we meditate on life's positive memories, we will in turn express enthusiasm that reflects a happy heart. It's not that this new pastime of pondering life's good times will nullify life's sour realities; however, our thoughts will embody a positive mindset. What goes in must come out. If you merely recycle negative thoughts throughout your day, about how the checkbook isn't quite balancing out or about the argument you and your spouse had during last week's Thai dinner, then you will minimize the nourishing food of happy memories readily available to you. You can't control the weather, but you can control your thoughts and meditations.

Recollect good remembrances so that you can feel happy. Write them on your heart and mind by placing reminders throughout your environment. For me, it's the sand on my car mat or Cafe Sevilla's mint wrappers. For you, it could be a picture of your newborn baby reminding you of your strength and courage to bring a human being into the world. Maybe for a friend, it's a pair of well-worn mittens in the glove box reminding her of her childhood ski vacations spent with relatives in Mammoth. The tokens or reminders don't have to be complex, they simply have to reflect important events from your life.

"Just go for it" is my new motto. Why not? Life is so short, so there's no reason to hold back from your dreams, passions, and your god-given talents. If you were to die tomorrow, wouldn't you want to know you gave this life your best shot in every area? I would want to know upon looking over my thirty-three years of life that I was committed to getting the most out of each and every day.

In psychological terms, one observes a response mechanism called "fight or flight". If you are faced with a threatening situation, you either stay there and fight or you put on your sprinting shoes and flee the scene. I experienced this with surfing awhile back. When a huge set of waves surged in, the response was either to fight it and catch one of those big gnarly looking waves or to duck-dive under them at their calm point, escaping the thunderous crash. Since I'm not very good at surfing, more of an observer of the ocean's magnificent beauty and power, I usually opted for going under the wave with the leash attached to my ankle.

In life though, you sometimes have to fight, rather than taking flight to its dubious set of circumstances. Why not charge it? Frequently we shy away from certain situations because that option makes the most sense. After all, avoiding imminent danger seems like a good and rational choice. But, what if by fleeing the scene all the time you were actually suppressing a big part of who you are?

You can't always be an observer. Sometimes you just have to charge it, even when the outcome might mean failure or crashing painfully to the ocean's dark and ominous floor. For those glorious waves that I did catch, the adrenaline was pumping and I felt wakeful and empowered. By engaging in life's adventures while making daring and less than perfectly safe choices, you feel alive and confident.

Taking risks doesn't have to involve life-threatening measures. Thankfully, you can feel thrilled by pursuing a passion, like singing karaoke in front of a group of strangers. Maybe you've always loved singing and felt called to be in a band, but somehow never got the courage to go for it. Why not now? You're too old, right, a mom with three kids? You're analyzing that this doesn't seem kosher for someone who puts diapers on the baby and who decides between tuna casserole and Hamburger Helper for dinner, right?

What about that beautiful butterfly tattoo you've been contemplating for the last decade? Why not now? There won't ever be a better time than the present because you won't ever know what tomorrow holds. Will you even be here? Of course, your friends and family hope that you will be, as you of course do as well. However, you can't ever know the duration of your short life here on earth.

It's time to get a little bit crazy. Now, by this, I don't mean out-of-control irresponsible. But, I do mean, a bit out of the norm, pushing the envelope, wild beyond your normal disposition. If you don't change it up a little bit now, you might regret certain decades when you come to the end of things.

Why not dance your heart out at that upcoming wedding where most people will be too intoxicated to care what you look like anyways? Give the compliment to that nice person at the drive through. I recently made one woman's day by telling her, "You're a blessing to me because you're always so friendly". I think I even observed a tear in her eye.

Taking risks is a part of life, but many of us suppress those urges. My twin sister does a great job at taking risks. She meets new people on a weekly basis. She leads the Bible study at her house as a single career woman. She works in sales which is a daily adventure and a financial risk. Likewise, she orders bold and artful foods. She changes it up a bit, asking for steamed baby carrots instead of broccoli as a side dish; also, she'll order her soda with half diet coke and half Dr. Pepper, even at the expense of getting a smirk from the waiter. Why not, it's not like that's hard to mix up? She's worth it and so are you.

I've gone too many years of my short three decades trying to please other people, ordering the easy thing on the menu. I've always hated putting others out, but that's going to change. I'm worth a little inconvenience and I'm going to order what I want, even if it's half a sandwich with a few slices of onions and only one red pepper from Subway. If you're not even eating gloriously, how can you go for the bigger things in life, like running through the rain without an umbrella? Shouldn't you consider planting a bed of flowers all in your favorite color, rather than a rainbow of them just because that's what the neighbors do?

Wear what makes you feel amazing. Sometimes we opt for the t-shirt and jeans routine because it's coziest; however, that blue and black shirt with the ruffles makes you feel alive and energized. You should wear that one so you have a little bounce in your step. This applies to fun jewelry and outgoing lipsticks as well. And when it comes to hanging out with your significant other, you should kiss him like you really mean it. Don't let him guess how you feel about him. Cranking up the passion in that department makes you feel more sure as well.

As moms, we frequently settle for easy, cheap, and plain. That's not what I want as a summary for my eulogy. No way, I want someone to describe me as daring, adventurous, and vivacious. We can spread this enthusiasm with our friends and family members as well by encouraging them in their own lives. You can emphasize to a friend how beautiful she looks in a certain color or how a sister's eyes look intoxicating when she wears red. Maybe that's all she needs to feel a little bit more audacious in her own life.

Sometimes we just need a few inspiring words to spark up a fizzled out dream. Maybe your neighbor loves playing guitar but never really pursues it as a formal interest. What about printing out the junior college's music schedule for the upcoming semester, so she can feel supported to live out her passion. You could buy a language book for your aunt who keeps talking about how she wants to learn French. Or, you could do something as simple as buying some gardening seeds for your mom who wishes she had her own organic garden at home.

Life is so short. As moms, we know this as we see our kids graduating each year into the next grade. We also see the war wounds of newly present wrinkles and stretch marks on our own bodies. Let's make this an exploratory and sizzling season for us as well. We need to go for our dreams and live out our passions on a daily basis. Do one thing for yourself today that celebrates who you are. You are beautiful, special, and incredibly talented. Let others see that in you today. They'll likely envision a brighter smile upon themselves as well.

Life is not simply a "To Do" list, and yet there are a plethora of daily
projects to accomplish. Even our family conversations revolve around the tasks which must be completed. Whether we are dealing with our spouse or with our kids, it seems that all we talk about is the next day's schedule or the events of the upcoming weekend. Was it dinner with the Clarks or lunch with the Johnsons? Did we commit to making brownies for the soccer party or was it cookies for the swim meet? In an ideal world, I'd say we could suspend this cycle of madness. But, we don't live in a utopia, do we?

Even though we can't change the chaos around us, we can alter certain patterns within our own nuclear family. The vital word that comes to mind is "prioritizing". We must learn to let certain things go, including some important activities and objectives.

Do you really need to have a social activity for every segment of the weekend? Maybe you could go out to dinner Friday or Saturday night, but not both. Instead, you could make a quiet dinner at home for one of the evenings while enjoying quality time with your family. During the week, you might wash one load of laundry per day instead of three, leaving the less favorable tees in a big pile. This would give you more time to catch up on that political article you've been dying to read.

When it comes to the daily grind, everyone knows what it's like to have sticky notes
piled up high in tower formations. Truth be told, you can rarely complete all of the
chores anyways, so after you write your list, commit to doing only half of it. Then, at least you've got part of your list written for the next day.

By prioritizing, you will have eliminated some feelings of exhaustion and insanity for those times when you're doing too much. Some days will require ten sticky notes and all will be crucial to the day. However, on most days, a few errands could drop off the list and no one would even notice or care. Does Muffy really need grooming services every two weeks; what about every four instead? Do your kids actually benefit from being in three sports every quarter or would one per season suffice?

Try to do less so that you can enjoy more, especially the simple moments in life. Your toilets might not get cleaned every week, but who's in there to analyze them anyways? Try to disinfect them every two weeks while instead making time to catch up with a neighbor over a refreshing cup of iced tea. You could discuss a favorite movie or book instead of the recycled topics, such as the front yard's landscaping or the week's carpool schedule.

We also need to make more time for our spouse. It's time we make a date night and
actually stick to it. Even if it's just a movie rental and a candle-lit dinner while the kids watch their movie upstairs, it should be a treasured time just for the two of you. We're tempted to use every free minute for accomplishing goals; however, if the kids are asleep, it's time for relaxing and snuggling. Even though the laundry won't wash itself, date night is a sacred time where you show your loved one that you value him or her.

Even when it comes to our kids, we feel like we have to do things in order to spend
meaningful time together. Going to the park, the mall, and the beach are all fun and good endeavors. However, hanging out at home in the backyard without an agenda can be equally fulfilling. Maybe the goal of doing nothing seems worthless in our on-the-go society; however, in the context of slowing down, nothingness really has tremendous value.

It's not that we can bathe in idleness all the time, because then literally nothing would get done. There wouldn't be any clean underwear in your drawers or any food in the fridge for breakfast. Likewise, the kids' homework and school schedules need to be maintained and the bills must be paid. Yet, the occasional nothingness will effectively refuel us for our daily commitments. The value of a simple life is priceless.

Labels: moms, simple life, slow down

While out walking the other day, I was met with a beautiful sight. I was at the top of a hill and looked out to see the mountaintops in the distance. The lower points of the mountains were hidden in the clouds and the early morning sun revealed a fresh, crisp panorama. From the lower points, it would have been impossible to appreciate the view in its fullness. It reminded me of how life is like that at times too. We lack perspective when we are in the valley, but when we are up high, we can see things more clearly, and perhaps with a more appreciative mindset.

It’s not that we’re at fault when times are tough and we hesitate to see the potential in a situation or in another person; however, we miss out on the good things in life if we don’t look to the higher ground. For example, when my husband and I are struggling through marital issues, as all couples do, if we look only to each other’s faults and not to the other’s potential strengths, we miss out on the blessings that the other person has to offer. This readily applies to the relationships with our children as well. When we see who they are at the moment and not who they will become, we can develop a myopic mindset, which hinders us from patiently loving our kids through their tough stages.

It’s odd how much perspective plays a role in our lives. It seems at times like I will forever be a stay-at-home mom trapped in my house with unending laundry piles, dishes to clean, diapers to change, and numerous other repetitive tasks. But, in truth, I know this time is precious and that I will blink and look back while my kids are graduating from high school, wondering, “Where did the time go?” Again, perspective plays a huge role in how I appreciate my current state. Someday, when my house is an empty nest, I think I will look back and miss the chaos of it all.

When we walk knowing that we are living for purpose, we are given the best perspective of all. What we do with each day either counts for something or for nothing. This seems so obvious, but it’s something we readily miss in our day to day busyness. We either do things or interact in such a way that is for positive or negative gain. I think this applies even to the menial tasks, such as house-keeping and diaper-changing. For instance, we can complete even the required chores with attitudes of love and thankfulness, rather than obligation and exhaustion.

While doing the fourth load of laundry of the day, I might feel like, “Why can’t they wash their own clothes for once?” or I can be thankful that I have a husband and three beautiful kids, whom I get to serve. Once more, it’s about perspective. While cooking and cleaning in the kitchen, I might resent that I am preparing the twenty-first meal of the week, or I can be appreciative for how my husband and kids are benefiting from my (usually) nourishing meals.

I am reminded of this in a humorous way when I think of how I feel blessed to hold my toddler's full diaper because it reminds me that she is eating and drinking well. Likewise, when my kids outgrow their clothes, it reminds me of how this time is flying by. Subsequently, I'm less likely to take the precious moments with them for granted.

Sometimes, it is hard to see things with a healthy perspective. When a close friend’s baby is stillborn, how can any goodness come from that? When a brother attempts suicide, how can you feel that there is any hope? For you, it might be a horrific lay-off at work or a sickness in your family. Maybe you are facing a move that is frightening or a change in your life that is emotionally unsettling.

During sorrowful and stressful situations, it is hard to maintain mental clarity and serenity. However, we know that we are not alone and that we can be there for each other as strong and caring women. When you have survived a storm, you are even more blessed by the beauty of the morning's sunrise. Likewise, you can give wisdom and love to those who are younger and less experienced in life's journey. You can help others in their search for a healthy perspective, as you broaden yours as well.

Labels: kids, moms, perspective

The well-known adage "Opposites Attract" is no stranger to marriage partners.
Isn't it incongruous that two people can be so different and yet be called to stay
married to one another forever? My husband and I have come to realize that our
differences are actually some of our greatest strengths as a couple. Though this has been
hard to grasp, since we're both unrelentingly stubborn, we have learned to sing a
beautiful melody together over the years.

The funny differences are seen in our daily lives. I drink coffee, my husband drinks tea.
I love red wine, my husband loves white. I like my meat cooked well-done. My husband
loves his meat while it's still moo-ing. My husband insists upon reading the instruction
manual from front to back while I prefer just giving it a go myself. Interestingly
though, I prefer to ask for directions, while my husband likes to use his own internal
GPS system.

For some couples, one person likes their food bland while the other likes it spicy. One
enjoys jazz music, while the other likes classical. The wife loves blue and the husband
loves red. We're just different and we realized it almost the instant that the honeymoon
ended.

Some of the more fatal differences in a marriage deal with varying communication or
conflict resolution styles. One spouse tends to be vocal while the other closes up into
the fetal position, holding onto his or her feelings. One spouse yells to express his or
her emotions while the other punishes silently. The wife might love quality time; the
husband just wants physical touch. One of you is extroverted but the other is more
introverted.

It can feel like you're missing each other at times. You might even wonder why God put
the two of you together. You think "How can something this difficult be God's
will?" The truth is, God knew about your marriage before you were even born and He
doesn't make mistakes.

The Bible says "...a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,
and they will become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). Two independent people come together
to be united as one. The math of marriage is tricky stuff because one plus one equals one
in God's economy. You can spend a lifetime trying to alter the math, but it will be like
trying to defy gravity.

Is it possible for two opposite people to stay married? Absolutely. How do I know this?
I've experienced it in my own marriage and have felt God's hand upon us as a couple and
as individuals. Seeing God's plan helps us when we are lacking perspective.

God's word tells us, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper
suitable for him" (Genesis 2:18). In the New Testament, we are encouraged by Paul's
words: "I can do everything through (Christ) who gives me strength"
(Philippians 4:13).

Additionally, Paul talks about our citizenship being from heaven. The world tells us to
trade in our spouse for a new one, but that's not what citizens of heaven do. Instead, we
are called to "...press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called
(us) heavenward in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 3:14).

Our differences can be sources of encouragement and empowerment. We can cling together
knowing that God's plan is bigger than our own. Where one is weak, the other is strong.
If the wife is good with money and the husband struggles with over-spending, he should
humbly defer to her financial wisdom. If the husband maintains perspective during
stressful situations, while the wife is a perpetual worrier, she should entrust herself
to his serenity. The two become one, remember? Cling together.

Marriage is like a beautiful butterfly floating in the wind. There are so many fantastic
sights to be seen and songs to be heard. But, if the caterpillar resists the
transformation he must undergo in order to become a butterfly, he will never experience
the wonders beyond that process.

When we tenaciously cling to our way as the best or only way, we forfeit the joy of
learning from our spouse. Many times my spouse and I have gotten into meaningless
arguments that could have been avoided if we had more readily submitted to each other and
to the Lord. But, after eleven years of marriage, we have begun to see one another's
perspectives and strengths. Instead of acting like two bullies in a boxing ring, we're
learning to dance together like two coordinated hummingbirds.

Couples see right away that marriage is hard work, but you too can experience the joys of
marriage. It begins by being humble with each other. Likewise it is integral that you two
spend time together in prayer and in God's word. If possible, find an experienced mentor
couple who can share wisdom from their own failures and triumphs.

If you model these actions, your marriage will not instantly become great, but you will
be able to hear God's voice and to obey Him. Additionally, as you defer to the Lord as a
couple, you will begin to experience His peace as a married couple, not just as
individuals.

The Lord is so clever when He destines two souls to be together. His funny math adds up,
while it defies our empirical conclusion. In God's wisdom, you are with the right
partner. It might be difficult to believe that reality at times, but over the years, you
will see that God knew what He was doing by putting the two of you together. Try taking
God at His word and see how it plays out. He's pretty good at being right.

Labels: God, marriage, opposites

During tough economic times, we have to seek out unconventional forms of entertainment. Here are four fun and frugal party ideas for you and your kids. They could involve just you and your clan or the whole neighborhood, while simultaneously staying within a friendly budget.

First, you could have a smoothie party, where you let your kids fill the blender with whatever fruits or even veggies that they desire. Then, you can pour the smoothies into colorful little cups from your cupboards or some cheap paper ones from the store. If your kids are old enough, you could even use special ones from your china cabinet for a non-traditional tea party of sorts. Your kids can even name their particular smoothie creations, like the Spider-man mania smoothie (strawberries, blueberries, ice, and apple juice with a licorice straw) or the Hello Kitty sensation (frozen strawberries and vanilla ice cream).

Another inexpensive option for little kids is a choose-your-own coloring page party. With so many fun sites to choose from on-line, your kids can pick their favorite TV or movie characters and print pages from the computer within seconds. You can post them up on the fridge and conclude the time with a video featuring the newly colored protagonists. If you want to be super edgy, you could even bring out the paints for a splashing good time. My kids tend to move straight from the traditional paintbrush option to full-fledged body painting, so my safe preference is with the crayons. Totally up to you though.

With so much heat upon us lately in the Inland Empire, a third solution could be an outdoor water party. Since I'm not one of those blessed with a fabulous in-ground pool, I have to invent other ways to keep my kids cool. We recently unrolled our slip-and-slide from the garage; the kids slipped and slid while we washed the cars out front. You can even get the family dog in on the fun by bathing her as well. Water balloons are likewise a total hit with the kids, as are water guns and inflatable or hard-framed pools. The perfect ending for this particular festivity must include fruit-flavored popsicles or other delectable ice cream treats.

The fourth thrifty option is a craft party, full of creative projects for the kids. You can pile up the scissors, craft paper, glue sticks, and markers to make Dad that early Father's Day pop-up card. Likewise, you could make cards ahead of time for Grandma's upcoming birthday or anniversary. Other simple paper crafts include home-made picture frames for the upcoming graduates in your life or paper snowflakes to imagine you're somewhere cooler than here.

Whatever party theme you choose for the coming weeks, it will surely be a blast as long as you're there with your party hat on and some fun dance music. This week, McDonald's is giving out a great kid's music CD full of fun pop music with their Happy Meals. We've been rocking out at our own kid party in the car on the way to school.

Labels: kids, moms, party

It's endearing that our kids think we're all-knowing. My preschooler loves playing games on PBSKids.org. She'll be in the middle of a game while nonchalantly imploring, "Mom, can you help me get back to such-and-such page?" I ride in on my valiant white steed (aka my well-worn slippers and faded pajamas) and save the day.

In my awesome state of omniscience, I can sometimes figure out my kids' questions and dilemmas; however, at other times, I literally have no clue. For example, I am stumped when my five-year-old son asks me to transform his Transformer toy from a rescue vehicle into a robot. On occasion, I have performed the seemingly basic transformation, but usually I am ill-equipped.

Another example of how my kids think I know everything is evidenced by their questions about where things are. Like when my daughter says, "Mom, where's that Happy Meal toy from yesterday?" First of all, I can barely remember which toy she's even referring to. Secondly, we have so many toys that I have absolutely no recollection of where that particular one happens to be hiding at the moment. The easy reply when our kids ask us where things are is to say, "It's right where you left it."

If our kids only knew how little we really know. I will savor this sweet stage of innocence for I know it will fade all too quickly. I will blink and they will be older and think that they are all-knowing. I'm all too reticent for those days to come, but will try to bask in the glory of these days while I am still their omniscient hero. I hope my kids' trusting spirits will remain with them through their future transformations, as their reasoning abilities advance and mature.

Maybe one way to bridge this gap is to slowly let our little kids know that we're not omniscient. But, that wouldn't be much fun. I'll keep them thinking I know it all just for a little while longer. Any tips on the Transformer toys?

Labels: kids, moms, transformer

Don’t you feel like life should be more than just getting by, barely making it, or let’s face it…having nothing left for yourself at the end of the day? While penny-pinching during economically challenging times, we frequently let our cars run on fumes before we refill the tank. Unfortunately, we do that with our own lives as well.

It’s a new diaper for the toddler, lunch packed for your first-grader and husband, refilling the pets’ food bowls, folding laundry, emptying trash cans, and as you well know, the list goes on. Feeding everyone is a constant demand in itself. Doesn’t it seem like you’ve just finished breakfast and the kids are already asking for a snack? After lunchtime, you immediately start thinking about what you’ll make for dinner. Will it be steak and potatoes or Caesar salad with grilled chicken?

What about yourself in the midst of this whirlwind of demands? What do you love to do? Have you made time to bless yourself with a little bit of tender loving care? We all know that our cars run better if they’re full of gas, not just running on fumes, but we infrequently apply this truth to our own lives. When the car literally runs out of gas, it ceases to run. We don’t want to wait for that drastic result in our own lives.

You must take time out to refuel your own tank. Maybe it’s just an extra five minutes at the gym to stretch and meditate on the blessings of the day. Possibly it’s that haircut or facial you’ve been postponing for months. For me, it’s a Kelly's Spa certificate I’ve had sitting in my kitchen drawer for over three years now. It could be as simple as a ten minute phone call with that college roommate you’ve needed to touch base with or a quiet walk with your dog and your MP3 player.

If we don’t refill our tanks, we pay a high price. When we run on fumes, we’re still running, but we’re less effective and less joyful. Think of the woman you could be at completing life’s multitude of tasks if you made yourself more of a priority. Five minutes here or ten minutes there might seem irrelevant or insignificant, but in the long run, a changed mindset will help us to take advantage of the opportunities when they do arise.

For example, if you do find an extra fifteen minutes while the baby is sleeping, try to read one chapter of that novel that’s been collecting dust from three Christmases ago instead of folding the underwear. Who does that anyways? It’s also about making more effective choices, like twenty minutes practicing the guitar rather than two hours watching a movie you’ve already seen before.

By resting and spending your time more effectively, you’ll be able to use your God-given gifts and talents. How will your kids ever know of your evolving painting skills if you don’t take time to create that beautiful sunset you’ve been picturing in your head now for years?

As moms, we often focus on our family’s needs ahead of our own. Unfortunately, it is frequently at the expense of our own prosperity and development. It seems selfish NOT to take time out to refuel our own tanks because everyone else benefits as well when we do.

It's May now, so that means it's starting to warm up and the kids are getting ready for fun summer activities. This includes local camps and swim lessons, along with great movie flicks and lots of tasty summer cook-outs. It's time to fire up the barbecue and get the burgers and dogs cooking. It's also getting a heck of a lot closer to the time where we'll occasionally be called upon to get into our swimsuits. Yikes!

I was at the Gap Outlet at the Cabazon Outlets recently where we purchased way too much stuff for our whole family. In the midst of scurrying for the last size four for my preschooler or the last size three for my toddler, I somehow managed to find a few items for myself. I bought a few spaghetti tanks, an awesome pair of gray slacks for only $5, and a totally slimming new jean skirt.

However, I did not have such fantastic luck trying on two adorable two-piece bathing suits. Totally shocked, I realized I was not at my body-shape goal for summer. Even though I've been kicking butt at the gym, I've realized I may need to do a better job with my eating. I've never thought I had to look perfect by the way, but I was a little bit disappointed while staring into the mirror, since dropping a size recently had really put me in a giddy state. Curse those department store mirrors!

In response to my recent debacle, I've set six simple and attainable goals that should motivate you as well. The first goal is to stop buying unhealthy stuff from the store that will inevitably end up in your stomach once it's in the house. Now, this is tough for moms because we buy tons of snacks for our kids. So, when you have to buy the Doritos or the Cheetos, buy the smaller bags. Then, when you sneak into a bag, it's only three ounces rather than half of the huge bag. They're a little bit more expensive when you purchase them this way, but way less expensive than diet pills.

The second piece of tummy-slimming advice is to stop eating when you're full. Throwing away food seems so anticlimactic and wasteful during a tough economic crisis. However, it's not like you can wrap up your food and send it directly to Ethiopia. Besides, if it can be easily reheated or preserved, you can saran wrap it for later. So, when I'm full, the food is either going to go in the trash can, my dog's food bowl, or stored in my fridge for a later time.

The third method for losing a few pounds before I go out swimsuit shopping again (hopefully some time in June) is to stop eating out so much. My family eats out a ton, especially at fast food restaurants because we're always on the go. Even though I try to get my healthy side-salad or yogurt, I can never pass up the kids' french fries. It's like their mommy payment to me. It's not even optional for them to not share their fries with me. So, I know that even though it's less convenient, either the kids would have to give up their fries (which they would never do) or we're going to have to grab quick and healthy bites at home more often.

The fourth objective is to up the exercise. For example, I'm getting off to the gym about three times a week, but sometimes it ends up being only twice because of our busy lives. So, I'm trying to incorporate more forms of exercise besides my trips to the gym. One way to increase the oxygen intake is to get outside more frequently. My kids and I are trying to walk our dog more often; they love taking turns holding her leash and our dog is in seventh heaven over the decision as well. Additionally, we've been getting out to the park more regularly; I'm inevitably chasing our youngest daughter around, which always gets me running or climbing.

The fifth challenge is to substitute a traditional meal for a smoothie. I love when all the fresh fruit starts pouring into our markets. The produce is not only more readily available, but it's fresher and cheaper. There's almost no excuse for me on this one because my kids love smoothies as well. Aside from the lower caloric intake of a smoothie over a traditional breakfast, it's a great way to sneak in a bunch of needed vitamins and antioxidants. Furthermore, it can be protein-packed with a few scoops of protein-powder as well. So, you'll also stay full longer.

The last piece of pound dropping wisdom is to remember not to starve yourselves. Seriously, when I give up too many scrumptious treats, I just want to indulge even more. So, I'm going to limit my sweets and increase my fruits and veggies, while making plenty of room for tasty frozen yogurt options and the occasional splurge, like last night when I sent my husband out for chocolate sundaes from Wienerschnitzel. That's okay though because I've got step-class tonight at the gym. Work it ladies!

As moms, we wear our game faces a lot. We do it because we feel we have to. We carry the weight of everyone else's burdens on our own shoulders, assuming, "If I don't do it, then who will?" Likewise, we wear a cape of protection around ourselves, so that we appear as if we can do it all. When other people see us, they assume, "Wow, she's amazing, I wish I could do it all like she does." The cape makes us feel super duper, so we put up our guards and we don't let others in. The problem with wearing the super-cape is that it limits the depth of our relationships. When one mom sees a super-mom, she thinks, "Well, I can't let her know what I'm really like because then she won't think I'm very great." This in turn hinders certain kinds of friendships, the deeper ones.

Likewise, super-moms feel they have to be tough all the time, carrying the world on their shoulders like Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged book cover. The truth is that no-one can carry the world besides God, and even He rested on the seventh day. When you are weak, you should just be weak. When you are struggling with your spouse, just be honest about it. If you are feeling like your kids are little nut-balls and you need a long vacation on an island all by yourself, call a close friend and talk about it. If your debts are overwhelming you and you just can't keep up with the Smiths anymore, then stop trying so hard. Let the image of perfectionism melt away so that you can get back to living life. You can't hold it all together by pretending; you will eventually tucker out.

When we wear our super-mom capes, we forget to be vulnerable with other moms. This makes us appear invincible but really makes us the exact opposite. A true friendship means you are there for each other during celebratory times and during trials. Recently a neighbor and I were chatting while the kids played out front. We connected emotionally over the loss of a friendship of hers, for the husband had passed away and the wife and kids had subsequently moved to another state. I comforted her while she shed gentle tears of sadness. We also talked about her mom who had passed away a few years back. Not too long ago, I shed tears with this same friend, tears of exhaustion and frustration over feeling like a failure as a parent. She listened and listened some more and reminded me of how no parent is perfect. The result was a stronger friendship for both of us. I know it because we had both taken off our super-mom capes.

Friends are real. Friends hear the good stuff, the bad stuff, and the in between. They love you through it all. If we want to strengthen our friendships with other moms, then we need to start out by being more real. We can't hold it all together and wear a mask that doesn't reflect who we authentically are, that is, without paying a very high price. The price of being fake is that we will be lonely women. We may have a list of networking acquaintances. Maybe we even have a bunch of gym class buddies that we wave to a few times a week; however, we will be lacking the core group needed for getting through most of life. Good friends know you on the inside and out. They value you just for being you.

It makes me think of the Winnie the Pooh friends. Rabbit is a grump, but his friends still value him. Eeyore is pessimistic and pensive, but his friends accept him for who he is. Tigger is the bounciest of all, but even Rabbit learns to love him with his bounces even more than without them. Piglet is timid and scared, but with his friends' help, he too can be brave like the rest of the clan. Owl is ostentatious and prideful, but his friends take him as wise. Kanga is strong and trusting and she helps hold them all together under Christopher Robin's great leadership. Little Roo is brave and adventurous and even when the rest of the gang treats him like he's too little to participate in the Heffalump Expedition, he forgives them. These are traits we need to have with our own friends: acceptance, trust, and forgiveness. We need to make sure we stick together and that we truly get to know one another. If you're friends with a super-mom, you can start by taking off your own cape and mask; when she sees that you're being real with her, maybe she'll do the same with you in return.

Labels: authenticity, friendship, moms, Winnie the Pooh

I love my silver James Avery ring with a cross carved out of the middle of it. It is
particularly special to me because of the inscription on the inside, which states my
name, my husband's name, and ten years, celebrating our marriage commitment. After last
summer's idyllic and warm-weathered retreat to the Newport Marriott Villas, I noticed my
ring had taken some beatings. Principally, I noticed that its brief visits to the
chlorinated jacuzzi had taken their toll. My beloved ring became tarnished and unsightly.
Upon noticing its shocking blemishes, I decided to store it away in a special jewelry
box.

The months went by and though I intended to call the company to get a replacement or a
special cloth to try to soothe over its newly gained imperfections, I did not. Instead, I
wore other rings and kept in my mind that eventually I would make the call for its repair
or its replacement. Then, after months of its absence on my left middle finger, I decided
I would just wear it anyways, defects and all. It looked a little bit silly next to my
platinum wedding band and diamond. However, I firmly decided that I no longer wanted to
go without it on my hand and stayed the course in wearing the tarnished piece.

The most amazing thing resulted. From life's daily routine as a mom and a wife, my ring
perked up. Life's daily tasks took care of the blemishes on my tattered ring. It seems
that the routine of doing the dishes, washing the laundry, and daily interacting with my
husband and three children had polished the ring back to its shiny and glorious state. I
was astonished to look one day and realize the black tarnished material had not only
dissipated but that it had disappeared altogether.

Marriage is like my ring. Sometimes without even knowing it, we put our marriage in
danger. We distance ourselves or we go too many months without talking deeply or dating
with romance, and before we know it, our hearts are tarnished. We're surprised by the
change and we feel the heaviness of the black stain hanging over us. But, there is hope.
Marriages, just like my ring are made of good stuff. They too can make a come-back, but
you have to stick with your marriage. You can't give up even when it feels like a
replacement is the easiest solution.

I'm so glad I kept my old ring, in lieu of exchanging it for a better and shinier one. It
would have been easy to do because the company backs their products with a 100%
satisfaction guaranteed policy. But it was refreshing to me to see that as I have stuck
with my ring, I have also pressed on in my marriage over the past eleven years.
Sometimes, we have felt like giving up as our wills have collided and our rough edges
have battled. Likewise, our differences have evidenced themselves in our cacophonous
parenting styles.

The compass that has held us steady to the course has been our common faith in Jesus
Christ. This is why we chose the cross in the middle of our anniversary rings. In our own
strength, we are weak and frail. With our own might, we can't navigate the storms. But,
as the Apostle Paul victoriously proclaimed, "I can do ALL things through Christ who
strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13). You can too if you put Christ in the middle.

Labels: marriage, moms, struggles

As parents, we try to promote responsibility in our kids. Accordingly, we do our best to raise them with the necessary skills to make good life choices. So, what are these good and healthy choices? The list includes several positive decisions including who they hang out with, the food they eat, the things they watch, and the clothes they wear. Likewise, we enforce good academic and social habits and standards. It matters how they view their academic lives and how they view friendships and extracurricular activities. Additionally, we want our kids to practice good hygiene, and to clean their rooms. For many of us, one of our greatest forms of influence is a religiously anchored belief system, which we pass on to them as well.

In contrast to the many positive things that we promote, there are negative behaviors or vices that we aim to shape them toward avoiding. Part of this protocol means making them give up things that are bad for them. We try to limit their sugar and fat intake, especially in light of the ever-increasing rate of child obesity. We dissuade them from the obvious vices such as smoking, drugs, alcohol, and premarital or underage sexual exposure. But, what about some of the less obvious harmful influences?

One of the vices my daughter has been dealing with is a horrific and painstaking addiction. She's head deep in a life-altering binky addiction. Our efforts at removing the binky have been futile and to avoid insanity, we've decided that we'll just wait until she's three. In fact, we were recently down to one binky somehow, since all others had vanished along with all of those missing socks. We even reverted to the ice binky to provide comfort, but it was to no avail, because it's much bigger and more awkward than the others. In a final wave of despair, my husband drove out to the store late at night and bought two new ones. Seeing our daughter suffer was like watching someone being tortured. It was even harder given her adorable and cuddly nature. Watching those huge crocodile tears was worse than labor, okay maybe not, but pretty darn tough.

It's that way in life. Sometimes we cave in to our children's wishes. This binky addiction is nothing more than a future dental nightmare. But, there are much deeper issues as our kids get older. How do our kids learn the good and bad habits that will likely determine a huge part of their future? Primarily, they learn from watching us. They see what we eat; they listen to how we talk. They fight how we fight. They value what we value. Therefore, based on these realities, it is important that we evaluate our own lives as parents. Are we being the people that we want them to emulate? Are we making good choices: eating well, exercising, prioritizing work versus relaxation? Do we form strong friendships with others in our community? Are we accepting of others, forgiving easily? Is it time we gave up a life-altering vice: alcoholism, a drug addiction, or a problem with gambling or overspending? Maybe it's more subtle than that, we just don't care about other people including ourselves and it shows in how we look and in how we address the world. Your kids are watching you and they see everything. If you're great, your kids will likely be great. If you're very unimpressive, your kids will likely reflect that as well.

If our goal is to be our kids' best friend, then we will make certain choices that are easier for now, but we will pay for those choices later. If we let our kids get away with negative choices as kids, then they will assume it's reasonable to do so as young adults. If we don't require them to eat well-balanced meals as children, they may not desire to do any differently later on. If we allow our children to watch shows that advocate hate and violence, it is likely that they will emulate those traits in their life choices. For example, they will pick the friends who play those same games or the children who watch those same types of videos. But, you have to think about the long-haul. Do you want your kid to be popular or ethical? Do you want your kid to be temporarily happy by eating whatever she wants or to be healthy by limiting her sweets?

An area of importance that we must consider is our take on our kids' education. If we value it, then it will be evident by the way that we make homework a priority. Likewise, our thoughts about the school, the principals, and the teachers will be passed on to our kids. If we speak positively about the programs at the school and the efforts of the faculty and personnel, our kids will value the system in general and know that it is worth being a part of. If, however, we talk about school by simply complaining and gossiping without diving in to be a part of the solutions, our kids will pick up on that negativity as well.

There are so many things to do and even more not to do, that it can truly be overwhelming. By taking some time to reflect on these questions about who we are ourselves and about who we want our kids to be, we stand the best chance of all. Since we all care so much about our kids and our families, it is well-worth the time of setting up reasonable boundaries for our kids, requiring them to make good choices. Once they are out on their own, it will ultimately be up to them. By living a life of excellence in front of them, they will likely model that when it comes time to decide for themselves what kind of people they want to be.

Labels: addiction, choices, kids, responsibility

The mother ship has landed in my house. My three kids are actually little aliens from another planet called CRAZY. They're secretly wrapped up in human form with super cute faces and sweet little eyes. What about yours? Have you ever noticed that weird gill starting to grow behind their ears? Fun and jokes all told, kids really do the most alien-like things. I'm not sure what was more insane yesterday, changing my toddler's diaper, only to discover she'd colored her crotch area with pink magic marker or what followed later in the day. En route to my son's t-ball game, we finally landed our ship on the grassy field. I looked over at that same daughter who was munching on grass like a cow, realizing that she hadn't had a snack. I ransacked my purse to see what I could find, but a mashed up blueberry bar did not cut the grade. The snack would have to wait.

Have you ever watched t-ball before? It's like laugh therapy. It's literally impossible to watch for even a small period of time without laughing out loud. During practice, two boys were lying down on the grass while playing outfield. Another two were birdwatching, sort of resembling the neck rolls of a warm-up routine (one of those was mine). In futility, the two coaches were trying to stay calm and collected while trying to use euphemisms tagged on to "Catch the ball...." over other choice words.

The kids love it though and all those other fun things we support them in. That's why we're here, to show our little aliens that we love and support them. The reward of the hour-long t-ball practice was well-worth the chaos of my other two kids simultaneously racing in different directions like two cheetahs chasing their prey. The precious gold-like reward was the captivating smell of local families grilling out in their nearby backyards. The smell was intoxicating. Are there any grill salespeople reading this? If so, you should consider placing your fliers at the sports fields and community centers right around dinner time. You could even grill some samples of meat. Your sales would skyrocket and my starving youngest daughter wouldn't have to snack on grass spears.

The beautiful aroma of fragrant roses fills the air as you walk through your family neighborhood or visit the Botanic Gardens at UC Riverside. There are roses of every color, shape, and size blooming with delight. The birds are singing and every part of nature announces that it is officially spring. The proclamation is tranquil and full of life. The squirrels nibble on treasured nuts while butterflies glide carelessly about. The wind even seems to take part in a symphonic production full of majesty and renewal.

In contrast to these images, as moms, we are overloaded. Our arms are full, our mini-vans are racing, and our meals-on-the-go are not exactly nourishing. We frequently do not take time out to smell the roses. Nor do we take time to light a candle at dinner to create a special ambiance. Furthermore, it can even seem too cumbersome to grind our own coffee beans for that fresh morning pot, when instant or ground coffee is so much faster. What about taking time out for personal reading and meditation? Stuff other than the junk mail and the school bulletins.

Taking time out for yourself will allow you to regain perspective; likewise, it will re-energize you for your multitude of family tasks ahead. When my toddler's pronunciation of "Mommy" started sounding like two separate words, "Mom" and "Meeee", it seemed sort of cute at first. Likewise, it was amusing when she started taking her diaper off and leaving it on the floor. At first glance of those bare little buns, my lips could not resist a smile; however, after a few poopy ones, I was totally over it. As moms, we get exhausted by certain things that our kids do. And that's okay, but we do have to recharge our own batteries so that we can regain control of our lives and enjoy the ride as well.

Sometimes people need permission to treat themselves well. So, here goes. I'm charging you with these tasks: "Pamper yourself and slow down to better care for yourself!". Everything can't be done in a sprint; nor can it be done too simplistically. You need to do a few things that take longer because they make your moments more special. Go ahead, light the candle, take time for that relaxing stretching routine or that spiritual time of reflection and meditation. Go for the bubble bath even though it takes longer than a shower because you are worth it. Ultimately, you will see that your productivity increases and that your peace of mind improves as well.

Labels: moms, peace of mind, spring

Sexy mamas are those who know themselves well and who like what they see in the mirror. Sexiness is a subjective trait. To one person, bigger breasts would be the ultimate goal. However, to another woman, she'd feel sexy if she could just get down to a size seven. Maybe for you, it's your teeth; if you just had straighter and whiter teeth, you'd feel so hot.

Since sexiness is in the eye of the beholder, it's important to focus on what's already in the cards. Maybe you have fantastic abs or a sixteen-year-old butt. Possibly, it's your naturally dark and glowing skin-tone. The goal should be to lower your standard, so you can focus on what you do have. Why wallow in despair over what you don't have?

The sexiest moms are those who are self-confident. They radiate a sense of calm about who they are on the outside, but even more so on the inside. One way to exude self assurance is to be proud of who you are and of what you've accomplished. If you've given birth, then you know outright that there's basically nothing you can't do. Furthermore, examine the miracle, that you created a human being. To me, that's the coolest thing I'll ever be able to post on my list of credentials.

Will my stomach ever return to its natural sleek shape, as in my college days? I don't think so...because even though I frequent the gym and am at a healthy weight for my height, at a certain angle, it's starting to look like I have two stomachs. Do I still feel sexy in light of this bodily change? Absolutely. And you should value your body too, in spite of its changes over the years.

Moms have the potential of being some of the sexiest women out there. If you believe that you are sexy, other people will see it too. In college, I remember a very average looking girl in my photo class. She was so enamored with a self-portrait that she'd taken. She expressed to the class how she loved the picture because it was of herself. It seemed odd to me, but fourteen years later, I've forgotten her name, but remember what she looks like, glasses and all. Her self confidence impressed me and it made me believe that she must have been really special. We as moms need to believe that we're special too. When we own that belief, sexiness will follow.

What's in my purse? You can't believe the items I found in my purse while waiting in the car while my toddler slept and the rest of our family shopped at the outlet mall. I started digging through it because honestly I had nothing better to do. This is what I found: cough drops (no, I don't have the swine flu), one mangled slinky, a colorful girl's headband, my coolest pair of dark brown sunglasses, a stick (from multiple trips to the Botanic Gardens earlier this week), two Despereaux kid's toys, a breakfast bar, one mandarin orange cup, two pairs of girl's socks, one hot pink rubber band, baby sunscreen, tampons, lip stick, hand lotion, diapers, baby wipes, an alligator plush toy (of course), a bingo sheet, and my wallet. You don't even want to know about all the crap in my wallet, so I won't waste your time. My cell phone of course was right next to my purse for easy access. Can you tell I'm a mom of three?

As moms, we carry so much crap around all the time. My purse would be like ten pounds lighter if I'd unload half of its contents. As women, we'd be exponentially lighter as well if we'd sort through some of our emotional clutter. We need to dispose of the junk that we no longer need. For example, these two friendships that ended cold turkey due to unfortunate events still haunt me. However, I've done all that I can do to make amends; there's literally nothing else I can do. So, I need to move on and dump the extra emotional weight of those disappointments.

What about those nagging comments your relative made about you last Christmas? Isn't it time to let those go as well? As moms, it's harmless to carry clutter in our purses, but it's problematic when we do it in our hearts. It's beneficial to de-clutter our purses, but even more so to cleanse our hearts from things we have no control over. When we've done all we can to rectify a certain situation or an injustice, then we need to move on. This way, we can make room for better things. Our hearts can only hold so much stuff, just like our purses. Regarding the purse thing, I guess we could just buy a smaller one. Nah!