Mariposa Kisses (aka Dianne's Blog)

It's getting close to that time when people lay out their ambitious resolutions for the new year. Drink more water. Pay off debt. Eat better and exercise more. Floss your teeth this year. Simplify and reduce stress. Enjoy more quality time with family. Learn to play the guitar by actually practicing the damn thing (that makes sense, right?).

With so many "to do" items, resolutions can be overwhelming. So, scratch the top ten and try for one simple goal instead. Mine is going to be...to love better. I want to love myself better this year and to love my family more sacrificially as well. This includes a host of altruistic resolutions too because it means that I'll nourish myself and others along the way. In my noble pursuit to love better, I'll take time out to rest and to feed my own passions and pursuits, such as music, health, and writing.

It also means that I'll respect and support their ambitions and needs as well. Loving my husband and my kids better includes a whole gamut of kind pursuits: being more patient, less angry, more willing to serve, and more energetic towards their interests. I want to celebrate their dreams by focusing my efforts on their strengths and talents, not necessarily on my hopes and expectations for them.

I want to support my hubby with patience and momentum as he finishes his doctoral dissertation in Philosophy this year. I also intend to compliment his ambition for physical health by joining him this May for his second beach triathlon (I'm ok on the swimming and running part, but not as prepped for the cycling part...any tips?). Likewise, I aim to match my spouse's desire to pay off our financial debts this year. This means sacrifice: hanging on to our older cars, spending less money on things we don't need, and working hard for monetary increases.

With regards to our kids, I seek to love them by respecting their individuality. Though we might see our son as a star athlete, I want to discover what he truly loves. Maybe he will blossom into the next Kurt Warner, but maybe not. So, I intend to observe his talents and to launch him into the right venue: football, baseball, graphic design, or maybe even chess.

Pertaining to our daughters, I don't want to automatically assume that they'll love ballet just because they're girls. Nor should I preclude that they'll advance to fame like Nadia Comaneci if they leap into gymnastics at an early age. I want to teach them to be strong and to love what they enjoy doing!

In addition to extra-curriculars, I want to graciously encourage our kids to thrive academically. In love, I want to demonstrate by example that it's okay to fail. They can be proud of their best, even when the result is less than perfection. By supporting them with our time, they're bound to succeed. And by giving them our acceptance no matter how they perform, they'll likely exceed our highest expectations.

Last but not least, "Mwahhh." I want to serve myself more this year. I'm convinced that as I love myself better, I'll have the energy and resolve to love everyone else more tenaciously as well. So, as I mentioned in the first paragraph, my list of personal pursuits will be long, but in the context of self-love and service. If I can't fit in a date with my tan Silvertone guitar every week, that's alright, but I want to try to improve because music brings me joy.

Likewise, I'm hopeful that my writing pursuits land me a book contract; however, if it takes an extra year beyond this one, I want to love myself with patience and steadfastness along the way. With my goal to finish a triathlon, I want to take it slowly enough to be fair to my body while simultaneously challenging myself to be brave (when you watch the Kona Iron-man competition and see the survivors and the warriors, it makes you feel like you can do anything; at least I have two legs).

So, as you write up your own list of resolutions, remember this: to love yourself and your family. Whatever you do, do it in the context of love and you're bound for success. Share some of your New Year's resolutions here. We'd love to hear from you.

Labels: love, resolutions, tenacity

I'm so thankful for our soldiers and their sacrifice, especially to those who have given their own lives for our freedoms. Thank you American soldiers for fighting for us! God bless you and God bless America!
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I love the snowflakes falling on my face...
I love the chocolate candies and the roses for Valentine's...
The green you never wore, so I got to pinch you and the roast beef with cabbage that smelled so good.

I love spring flowers blooming all around...the kids chasing butterflies...
and the rainbows that come after the showers fill the skies.
Then the cute cards for Mother's Day that you helped the kids make...they'll always be in my heart, honey, because they meant so much to me.

The picnics that we shared...the green crisp grass that filled the fields.
The hot dogs, cotton candy, and the kettle corn that you loved.
I love drinking iced tea and reading a good book, while the kids ride their bikes and twirl around.
The laughter is so beautiful, like your face that never lied.

Oh, to see your face again. We would love to see your face again.
I would hug you more and kiss you like I meant it every time.
I'd forgive you and I'd say "I'm sorry" first.

I love the new school-year and the smell of school supplies.
Everything is fresh and crisp and full of surprise.
The girls dress up as princesses and Jake defends them well. He's our little soldier, following you since you fell.
November hits and our tummies are full of delight.
Pies, stuffing, turkey, and snow-topped hills are our delight.

Presents begin to pour into the house, too many to count or care.
The only one we really want is the warmth that you brought with care.
Christmas without you, it's too much to bare.
But, then I look into their eyes, and I see you there.

Oh to see your face again. We would love to see your face again.
I would hug you more and kiss you like I meant it every time.
I'd forgive you and I'd say "I'm sorry" first.

Then, it's a new year without you. I feel so lost and so cold.
But, I thank you for the man you were because it made us who we are.
You served and loved and we're forever grateful.
Because of you, we're who we are.
You will always live inside our hearts...forever and beyond.

Labels: Christmas, seasons, soldier's song, thankfulness

Love + Adventure + Tenacity + Energy + Passion = Bravery. I'm not sure of all the exact ingredients for bravery, but these are some of them for sure. When I think of my three kids, bravery is one of the attributes I'd love it instill in them the most. That doesn't mean being the best at everything they do; in fact, it actually means the opposite. Their willingness to stand out and to try new things brings out the essence of boldness. If my kid is willing to go for something he's not especially skillful at, simply because he wants to try something new, that might be the bravest thing of all.

Failing feels lousy at any age. In fact, that's why some kids and adults decide not to try new things. Or, it's why they decide not to do something again. They say "No way" to that potential relationship because the first three failed. They say "No way" to that writing contest because they've gotten one too many rejection letters. When the series of "what ifs" enters into the mental arena, fear takes over and it sabotages the possibility of adventures to come. The passion and adrenaline get squelched by the flames of doubt and insecurity. The would-be attempts fade into the pit of defeat, also known as the abyss of "No-WAY-NOT-ME!"

Do you limit yourself just to the things you're good at? Do you give up once you've failed or been rejected? If so, that means you're not really very brave. If you do something because you know you can do it well, then you feel and appear great, but you don't convince anyone that you're especially audacious. If you think being brave is important like I do, then read on. Here are four things you can do to help your kids to be brave.

First, do brave things yourself. This way, your kids will be more likely to follow in your footsteps. Now, there is a difference between being stupid and being brave, so try not to confuse the two. I don't mean, go for your dreams at the expense of your loved ones. Nor am I encouraging you to pursue irresponsible things that cause harm to others. What I am saying is that you should pursue endeavors that you might not be especially qualified at, like a musical instrument or foreign language lessons even though you're in your thirties, forties, or fifties.

Or, you could take an Indian cooking class even though you were born and raised here and have never even eaten Indian food. You might be a total flop, but then again...you might discover that you love all those amazing smells and spices. The result of these bold endeavors is that your kids will see you doing something outside of your comfort zone...something you might even suck at. Then again, it might go beyond them simply observing you and subsequently lead to their own "outside the box" pursuits.

Second, introduce your kids to things that they haven't done before. Sign your daughter up for kid-karate because it's something new, but also because it will increase her self-confidence. If your son loves traditional sports like basketball, baseball, and football, maybe you should sign him up for some golf lessons too. If he's a natural at everything, this might show him that he can also take on a sport that requires patience and calculation. If he's a perfectionist, this will demand an especially large dose of bravery because he is definitely going to fail from time to time. If you're a golfer, you know what I mean...carefully reading the green only to discover you were off by more than a few inches.

Maybe your little princess loves dance but is a bit too shy for formal lessons. Why not sign up for a "Mommy & Me" class with her? Because you're not ready to put on a tutu and tights, right? Well, I'm pretty sure loose clothing is a sufficient dress-code. Before you know it, she'll be out there socializing on her own and the next session will be for independent lessons. Ballet, jazz, tap...there are so many options.

Third, do fun and brave things as a family. Involve the grandparents as well. Why not go on a nature-hike with the whole family, even the dog? You could go out at night with the flashlights looking for owls, bats, and other creepy night-time critters. While this might not seem like an exercise for the acquisition of courage, you'd be surprised at its freakiness. But, that might just be me, I'm still afraid of the dark. We keep the closet light on "for the kids" when they come venturing into our room late at night (not for me, I promise).

So, if you're not in to the hiking thing, here's another family outing. Go and feed the homeless together. You could call up a shelter and fill a slot around the holidays serving a hot meal to needy people in our own community. This might be the very essence of bravery...getting outside of your nice SUV and your warm and cozy house to go where "those people" spend their time. You might even sit down and join some of those precious souls for a cup of coffee after your shift is over. You'll end up the richer for it and your kids will as well. You'll feel brave too.

Fourth, decide not to give a hoot what other people think of you. This is especially important for our kids, who care so much about what their friends think of them. Even at a young age, our kids shy away from certain tasks because they don't want to look stupid. They don't want to get laughed at and who can blame them? I certainly don't want my kids to get mocked or insulted. But, at the same time, I'd rather teach my kids that someone's negative opinion of them doesn't compare to their own personal passions and significance.

Furthermore, if someone's going to judge my kids for failing at something they tried to accomplish, is that the kind of friend they really want the good opinion of anyways? But, we model tentative behavior to them all the time. Admit it, you've given up on something because someone made fun of you. You stopped taking chances because someone else told you that you weren't good enough. But, why? Did that person's opinion matter more than your own? Get back in the game, friend. Show your kids you don't really care if someone thinks you're a loser. Show them that you're a brave mom or dad. I believe in you! :)

Bravery, it's a funny thing what that means to people. It usually means doing something that you're freaked out about. That could be sky-diving for one person or it could be calling up an old room-mate that you haven't spoken to in ten years due to that lame argument about whose turn it was to take the trash out. For my husband, it was the completion of his first triathlon this past fall (Go HUBBY!). It could be... singing in front of your church congregation on Christmas Eve...in front of hundreds of people staring up at your face. Even though the thought terrifies you...you say yes because you are a daring person. I think I'll be okay as long as I take slow breaths and keep a smile on my face no matter how many songs we end up singing. :)

Be brave this holiday season. Life is short and you are talented and creative. Your kids need to see that you believe in yourself. They need that reminder for themselves as well. Even if you're mediocre at something, you should pursue your passions and interests. You might even end up being better at it than you thought. You know how you can identify forty different tropical fish in those textbooks you peruse for fun? Isn't it time to sign up for those scuba lessons? You're not getting any younger, you know. Carpe diem. Go for it people of the Inland Empire. Why the heck not? Give yourself the gift of bravery! If you don't...no-one else will. And by gifting yourself with bravery, you're gifting it to your kids as well. Who needs a Wii anyways? Well, they are pretty cool, huh?

Tell us about one of your brave accomplishments. I know there are some sky-diving moms and dads out there. Share the stories. We'd love to hear from you.

Labels: bravery, family, kids

With the tightening of the financial belt this year, the thought of buying presents is pretty stressful. You sit down with a glass of Chardonnay to write out your list and feel flabbergasted by its length. It includes ten extended family members, four or five neighbors, about five close friends, three teachers, and then your own immediate family.

That doesn't include the charity gift for the upcoming Boy's Scout's party or the one for your daughter's dance instructor. Then, there are cards, snacks for the festivities, and you really do need some new shoes for your kids' church performance next Sunday. So, how can you do it on a thinner budget? Here are five suggestions to save a little dough this holiday season.

First, go electronic when possible. This might seem kind of impersonal, but it could actually save some money. Many online gift purchases include free or minimal shipping charges. If you have a Costco card, check out their amazing online gift baskets starting at just $19.99. Most of them include free shipping and handling, so what you see is what you get. Also, if you haven't tried Overstock.com for a variety of items, now's the time to check out their website. With their less than $3 shipping no matter what you buy, you're bound to save some green.

If you're looking for great deals on photo gifts, check out Snapfish.com. Their homepage offers at least one current coupon-code, but you can find others by googling "Snapfish coupon code." I recently saved 35% on one photo-book order and then found a coupon code for free shipping for my next order. For the family member who has everything, give her a book of adorable family pictures that will remain a coffee-table favorite for years to come.

Another electronic way to save money and the environment is to send e-cards. While people love posting your adorable pic to their fridge each year, it's not like they can't print it out themselves if they want to. You can even make a quick family website that includes a plethora of photos along with individual updates. You can actually include even more pics this way and people can browse it from their smart-phones while waiting in hectic holiday shopping lines. To design your own website for free, look at Webs.com and Bappy.com. If you're not techy enough to design your own website, check out a simpler option by posting pics for free on Picasa.com or Flickr.com.

Second, when you buy those $5-$10 gifts for acquaintances and neighbors, go for the chocolates from the health-food stores. Look at some of the goodies from Fresh & Easy, Sprouts, and Trader Joe's. Fresh & Easy has organic chocolate bars and a nicely decorated box of chocolate mints for only $1.99. Their chocolate covered almonds and raisins are less than $3.50. Sprouts sells bulk item chocolates and nuts for a reasonable price, so if you need to fill that vintage green jar or the festive snowman tin, this is a great option. For a steal of a deal, check out Trader Joe's for their 14 oz. classic cookie collection for only $3.99 in a beautiful red box.

Ranging from $5-$10, you can get a nice assortment of gourmet chocolates packaged with plenty of holiday spirit. Slap on a nice ribbon with a card, and you are good to go. You could even throw in a reasonably priced bottle of wine and voila, you're done. If you love Merlot, go for the $2.99 bottle of Recoleta from Argentina. It's flavorful and tastes fancier than you'd think.

Third, if you're hosting an event where you're including everyone from A to Z, then opt for a white elephant gift exchange. Instead of feeling personally obligated to buy a gift for everyone who enters your front door, just tell guests to bring a gently used wrapped gift. That used coconut candle might not have been your favorite last Christmas, but that doesn't mean your best friend's sister wouldn't love it.

If you've got less of a fiscal cap, you could opt for a regular gift exchange; just make sure to put a price range on it, like $10-$15. You should also make an age-appropriateness to its description, like "for the big kids and adults," or "just for adults." That way your ten-year-old nephew doesn't get that fantastic bottle of Pinot Noir (though his mom might try to bribe him for it).

Fourth, decide that you're not going to charge things this year. No matter how hard that is, try to stick to a budget. If you're eating out on Christmas Eve, opt for something middle range like Mimi's Cafe rather than a fancy Ritz Carlton type of restaurant. You can create fantastic memories while spending $50-$75 for four people, rather than $200-$300. Mimi's is offering a Holiday Feast To-Go that serves six to eight people for just $79.99. It includes a whole cooked turkey, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, cornbread stuffing, a vegetable medley, turkey gravy, cranberry relish, carrot raisin nut bread, a pumpkin pie, and whipped cream. Check out MimisCafe.com for more tasty details.

Also, as you list out people's wish-lists, target two or three of the best items, rather than feeling like you have to buy everything they want. Your kids are the tricky ones of course because if they're anything like mine, their lists are longer than last month's grocery receipts. But with a little bit of self-control, you can narrow down the list to find the most significant treasures.

Fifth, you can donate services to your loved ones. If you're a great pet-groomer or hair-cutter, you can create home-made coupons offering your service. Maybe you're awesome at a foreign language and your sister's son needs some help in espanol this year. She'll love you for it, and as long as you include candy with it as well, he'll love it too.

What about your own artistic skills? You could offer to paint a small mural for your niece, who loves flowers and butterflies. Perhaps your hubby is an awesome techy-man like mine. Why not offer one hour of his help to your father-in-law who has been driving Mom crazy with his newest electronic gadget? This wouldn't have to be their whole present, but it makes a great stocking stuffer and shows thought and creativity as well.

While these tricks won't fill your Christmas tree with money, they will help you to save a little bit and maybe even a lot depending on your enthusiasm. Share other money-saving tips here. We'd love to hear from you!

Labels: exchange, family, friends, gifts

The sweetest aroma is your heart lifted up to God, even when it is broken. When your words are too mixed up in your own head to pray, you offer up a mish-mash of blabbing. But, He loves your honesty. Sometimes you can't even pray, so you sing to the Lord instead. And He loves it because your heart is genuine. In these moments of weakness and hardship, God is truly honored because your focus is fully on your need for Him. When you don't feel His presence, but you remain steady anyways, you show Him that you really believe.

If you're struggling to trust God, that's okay. When you keep on persevering in light of the difficulty, it reveals true devotion to your faith in God. Even when it seems easier to keep your eyes on your fears and doubts, it's best to keep your eyes on the history of God's faithfulness throughout your life. Remember the time He protected you during that scary car accident? Remember when He carried your child through that horrific sickness? Remember how he provided for you when you thought you weren't going to be able to pay that bill? What about the time you prayed to find that sand-dollar, and you did?

The Bible says, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" (Romans 15:13). In the next chapter, Paul says, "The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you." When we do find ourselves in a season of struggle or silence, we must cling to God's word because our feelings can deceive us. I remember a cold winter morning during my college-years. I looked out my dormitory window with hope and optimism because the sun felt so warm as it touched my face. Based on what I felt, I thought it must have been warm outside. But, oh how deceiving that picture was because this moment occurred in Wheaton, IL. I stepped outside of Fisher Dormitory and soon realized that my turtleneck and thick wool sweater were insufficient for the whipping wind that bit like a venomous snake. I immediately bobbed back to my room for my down-feathered navy blue coat.

We can't base our realities on mere feelings. Instead, we have to use our other senses to validate our interpretation of reality. If you are experiencing a season of despair, test your feelings. Is your life really as bad as it seems? It might be pretty bleak, but on the other had, after reflecting on your blessings, you remember some of the good things as well. Use your eyes to focus on God's beauty through nature. Then, you will remember God's power because of the works of His awesome creation. Maybe you love music, so you decide to pump your MP3 player up with some uplifting praise tunes. The result is that your heart redirects itself towards God's goodness and provision even though you don't feel it in your own life at that exact moment.

Feelings matter because they reflect the state of your heart. They shouldn't be ignored or repressed because they validate who you are and what you're going through. But they are not supreme to your well-being. Instead of clinging to your feelings, you must anchor your heart in truth so that even when the storm hits, you will not be blown away by the violent winds. Sing! Pray! Listen! Look! These things offer perspective, especially when you're feeling run-down and weak. Keep going for today... you're not alone and you have God's word as a powerful weapon against the enemy! Be practical too, remembering that God gave you other resources other than your feelings so that you could distinguish between truth and lies.

Share some of the ways that God is carrying you through your tired or depressed feelings. How has He shown Himself when you've felt like giving up? I'd love to hear from you and to lift you up in prayer as well!

Labels: Bible, encouragement, God's word

Hebrews 2:10, "...perfect through suffering."

Steel is the product of iron plus fire. Soil is rock plus heat and the crushing of glaciers. Linen is flax plus the water that cleans it, the comb that separates it, the flail that pounds it, and the shuttle that weaves it. In the same way, the development of human character requires a plus attached to it, for great character is made not through luxurious living but through suffering. And the world does not forget people of great character.

I once heard the story of a mother who brought a crippled boy with a hunched back into her home as a companion for her own son. She warned her son to be very careful not to refer to the other boy's deformity, since this was a sensitive matter to him. And she encouraged him to play with his new friend as if he were a normal child. But after listening to her son play with him for a few minutes, she heard him ask his companion, "Do you know what that is on your back?" The crippled boy was embarrassed, hesitated a moment, but before he could respond, his friend answered the question for him by saying, "It is the box that holds your wings, and someday God is going to break it open, and you will fly away to be an angel."

Someday God is going to reveal this fact to every Christian: the very things they now rebel against are the instruments He has used to perfect their character and to mold them into perfection, so they may later be used as polished stones in His heaven yet to come. --Cortland Myers

Suffering is a wonderful fertilizer for the roots of character. The great objective of this life is character, for it is the only thing we can carry with us into eternity. And gaining as much of the highest character possible is the purpose of our trials. --Austin Phelps

The mountain of vision is won by no other road than the one covered with thorns.
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Share some of the streams in your life as you walk through the desert! I'd love to hear how God is carrying you!

Labels: Bible, Streams in the Desert