Mariposa Kisses (aka Dianne's Blog)

I was at my daughter's preschool yesterday in such a great mood. You know when the birds are singing a duet just for your benefit and Mr. Sun's rays shine down on you alone? You feel like you're in the 2007 movie Enchanted, singing next to Amy Adams where love fills the air. The day is going along great and then, like a tornado springing down from the heavens, someone derails your happy day.

The comment took me completely by surprise. As I walked into the classroom to pick up my youngest daughter, one of her teachers darted a critical and unapologetic comment down my spine. Her tone was harsh and humiliating and all I could tell her was, "Well, we're working on it."

It stung like a bee sting because I actually care about this person's opinion of me and of my daughter. Unfortunately, the stinger dug deeper than I'd initially realized. I tossed and turned throughout part of the night about how I should respond. But we've all experienced this before, right?

After the over-digestion of this dilemma last night, I awoke and still felt irritated. And I'm frustrated that it's still bugging me. But then it hit me! We all say stupid stuff sometimes. Haven't you done it a plethora of times before as well? Your unkind words come out in a zingy tone and then you wish you'd been able to keep your big mouth shut. You long to type in "Control Z" but it's too late.

As moms, we owe it to one another to give a pass when the stupid stuff comes out. If there are repeated cruel offenses, then it's worth rectifying the situation. But if the icy cold remarks are few and far between, then we should all just give some grace. Who knows if my daughter's teacher had just had a really rough day? Maybe she was exhausted and took out her pent up frustrations on us.

It's hard to act like the bigger person, even as adults, but the pay-off is huge. First, we get to feel good about doing the right thing. Second, we get to act as mature role models for our kids. When they see us choosing not to overreact to someone's idiocy, they too will gain a sense of metered calm in their own social situations.

The obvious truth is that we're surrounded by imperfect people who occasionally say stupid stuff. So before your next confrontation with an unfriendly encounter, decide how you want to respond: by freaking out or by giving that person a second chance?

Keeping it real. Share your thoughts on dealing with difficult people or situations. We'd love to hear from you. :)

Labels: kids, parents, school

“You surf? I never would have guessed,” he pondered in an astonished tone.
“Geez… I haven’t surfed in awhile cuz I’ve been busy with my life… family, writing, and everything else. But why would you think that I didn’t surf?” I asked defensively.
“I don’t know. You just don’t seem the type… I didn’t mean it in a bad way,” he dog paddled.
“Sure. I know, I’m just the boring looking one over here in my red sweater. Plays it safe. Cares for her three kids while the rest of the known planet cruises the world and skydives through the clouds,” I complained.
“No Renee, you’re totally reading me wrong. I seriously have to take that back. You look like a surfer. You're in love with the ocean like a surfer. I just didn’t read it right. I’m totally sorry,” he said begging for me to let him off the hook.
“Alright, I forgive you. Eric surfs too. Maybe we’ll meet you guys below the cliffs and start the double date out right,” I challenged.
“That sounds awesome. It takes me a bit longer to get back up the cliff since I can’t use my legs, but I’ll take you out in the water,” he laughed.
“Sounds like a fair bet. You’re on,” I said cracking up as if it had been a lot more hilarious than it actually was.
“You must have really needed to laugh Renee. You doing okay?” he asked.
“Yeah, I’m okay, just stressed out. I’m a bit worried about Jen. I feel like I shouldn’t gossip but she’s seriously about to make a bad choice and I’m not sure I can pull her out of this one.”
“What is it? Is it Jared?” he pondered.
“Yeah, he wants to take her on a cruise, next week,” I sighed.
“Well, just let her go. I’m sure he’s an okay guy. And she seems like a smart girl. I bet they’ll have a blast.”
“You would say that Jadan. Thanks for the moral support here. I mean really, it’s so me to spill my guts to you and expect some sober advice about my best friend,” I whined.
“What the heck is that supposed to mean, like I’m not a good guy? Now you’re against everyone? Seriously Renee. You are getting too involved in this. You should let your friend go on the cruise and have some fun. And you should have some fun too,” he huffed.
“I know you’re right. Deep down... I know it. Sorry... I didn’t mean to sound too dramatic. Seriously, I just care about Jen so much. She’s like a baby sister. She’s even closer to me than my real sister so I don’t want to see her get hurt,” I reminded him.
“Well, sometimes you have to put yourself out there, even get hurt a few times in order to find love. That’s how it worked with me and Mols,” he said with a tender voice.
“How did that go exactly? She hurt you or you hurt her?”
“Well, both kind of. She hurt me first and then it broke my heart and I wouldn’t give her a second chance… for a long time. Then, she convinced me that she was worth another chance. And finally I realized she was right.”
“So what convinced you to give Mols another chance?” I asked laughing at the nickname.
“Well our daughter is the one that got us back together.”
“Your daughter?” I said spitting frappuchino all down my face.
“Yeah, what makes you think I’m not allowed to have any kids,” he wondered.
“Well you never talked about her before. I just assumed you were on your own,” I said in a surprised tone.
“We found out she was pregnant before the accident. She was this huge blessing in disguise. I mean, I can still…well…you know. But I’m not sure if I’d be good for getting someone pregnant anymore. Okay, awkward. Anyways. All that to say, I do have a kid and she’s the best thing in my life. So Molly and I decided to give it another shot because she was worth it,” he said taking a deep breath like he was trying to stop himself from breaking down here in public.

We paused for a second. I didn’t know quite what to say and I didn’t want to cheapen my response just because it got uncomfortable.

“My gosh Jadan. That’s amazing. It’s cool how God sneaks in those surprises when we don’t even realize that he’s about to do something great. I mean, I have a few of those special blessings in my own life. My kids weren’t a surprise but God has helped me through lots of crazy storms,” I said with a gentle smile.

I am truly happy for Jadan. I mean how cool is that, for him to have a daughter even though he is in a wheelchair? Does that mean he and Molly can still have sex? And how strange that she is an old flame. I totally expected her to be a new fling. I guess she's some super-model from what Val told me the other day when she saw her stop in recently for a quick kiss. I wonder if he and Eric will get along. I don’t want Eric to feel out of place. But he’s totally good about interesting social settings. I love how my husband has a way with people. It must be his philosophical background, like he can read into people’s minds or brains somehow. Well anyways, dinner should be memorable.

“So, will Saturday night work for you and Eric,” he asked while rubbing his eyes with his right hand.
“I’m pretty sure. Like I said I’ll double check with our sitter and I’ll just have to play it by ear with how Danielle’s doing. By the way, what’s your daughter’s name? Will she be there?”
“No, she’ll be at Molly’s place with her sister. We decided not to live together again until we were sure about our relationship lasting. We didn’t want to confuse Ocean anymore than she already is.”
“Her name is Ocean?” I asked a bit surprised.
“Yes, it’s Ocean Kathleen,” he said throwing in a few confident winks.
“Well that’s original, I’ll give you that. And it’s really pretty too. I bet she’s a really sweet little girl.”
“She’s the prettiest little girl I’ve ever seen,” he said proudly.

Labels: Stream of Consciousness

I chopped more strawberries, hunted for pink boots, chatted Hubby, texted Mom to pray for Danielle’s cold, unloaded the dishwasher, switched the laundry over, and turned on some Jazz music. It was time for a little bit of boogying in the kitchen with the broom and the mop, of course. My philosophy was to enjoy the mundane tasks along the way. Why the heck not? I stepped, turned, twirled and even threw in a few dramatic kicks and leaps for some cardio. I’d already missed my morning jog and probably wouldn’t make it to the gym this evening either. I finally carried the strawberries up to Danielle and found her asleep with her gray and white stuffed kitty named Bingo. They looked so peaceful. I covered her with her purple blanket and headed back downstairs to finish up the mopping. But first, I had to pick up my cell phone. Who could it be?

“Hey Jen. How’s it going? I didn’t think it was you since we always just text instead. What’s up, Girl?” I questioned.
“I’m so in love, Renee. I couldn’t text. I just had to call you with the good news. I’m so happy,” she rambled.
“Wow, what is it Jen? Just spit it out already,” I requested.
“I’m so excited. I can hardly talk. I mean, we’ve only dated for like a week and a half. But… Jared is just so wonderful,” she cooed.
“Well, what the hell is it, Jen. Just tell me,” I barked nervously.
“We’re going to go on a cruise together. Apparently Jared’s company gave him these extra tickets. Well, he won them from a sale’s contest or something like that. So he asked me to go. He’s so nice though. He said we could get separate cabins if I wanted to. I told him we could just share one. I mean, he’s so romantic, even down to the room thing. Ahhh, this is going to be so fun. Caribbean here we come,” she squealed like a fat swine.
“Wow, Jen. I’m so happy for you. That’s really exciting. Do you think you should go on a cruise so soon? When do you set sail?” I asked apprehensively.
“We leave this weekend. I know it’s pretty short notice, but he’d been thinking of asking me for the past few days and told me that the snorkeling is to die for.”
“Are you sure it’s safe? I mean, you’ve only known Jared for a week.”
“Nine days, actually,” she retorted defensively.
“Whatever Renee. I just told you my most exciting news of the year and you just rain on my parade. I should’ve called Ashley instead. She’s a way better listener than you are anyways,” she huffed.
“Don’t say that Jen. You know I’m happy for you. I just want to make sure you’re gonna be okay. I mean, leaving the country with a guy you hardly know. It seems a little bit strange, don’t you think?”
“The Caribbean is US territory, you idiot. It’s barely leaving the country anyways.”
“Actually a lot of it is international and some of it’s British, but whatever. I know you’re a smart girl and that you’ll have a great time. I just wanted to act as a sounding board of reason, that’s all.”
“Oh my gosh Renee. You sound like a book. Can’t you just stop for a second and be my friend? And I’m not a girl. I’m a thirty-five year old woman. I can make my own choices. You’re not my mom, you know. You’re supposed to be my friend,” she yelled.

Click.

Wow. That was crazy. But not too far from what I’d expect from Jen. She’s such a hot-head. It drives me nuts. Like I don’t have enough crap to deal with mothering my own three children. She has to tag on like one more bratty kid. Dammit, why is she such an idiot? At least she didn’t say she was getting married. For a second, I thought I was going to have to play the part of the world’s least motivated matron of honor ever recorded in history. Oh thank you God. Thank you that Jen is not marrying Jared.

I heard a beep on my phone and read my text:

Sorry. Shouldn’t have yelled at u. Just wanted u 2 be happy 4 me. I really like Jared and I can tell he’s not some crazy killer. He just wants to spoil me. Is that a crime? 2 be happy? Is that so bad? Anyways… luv u. Write bk so I know u got this.

I texted back a thousand words a second:

I forgive u. Just trying to talk some sense into u. Of course I want u to be happy. I also want to make sure my best friend is going to be safe with an almost complete stranger. Just try to c my side on this. Make sure I get copies of your itinerary and take your phone with you. We’ll chat more 2morrow. Love u. Hugs—renee

My goodness. I can’t believe it’s already eleven thirty. Five hours after waking up, I have added one paragraph to my nature piece. My book still sits in its lonely folder, unedited and naked. Poor baby. Maybe if I just give it a title, that will get my mind rolling. What about “Simon Says?” That’s how I could start it out, playing Simon Says with the kids while cooking dinner in my kitchen. I mean, the protagonist could be playing the game, of course. Not me. But whatever, it’s okay to squeeze myself into each piece I write at least a little bit.

I heard the key turn in the door and knew it was Eric. He walked in with flowers, some French bread, and a bottle of Kendall Jackson Merlot.

Labels: postmodern novel

The cross at Calvary was the physical place where Christ bore all the sins of the world, including yours and mine, absolving us from our past, present, and future guilt. According to Webster’s New World Dictionary, sin is defined as, “…any offense or fault.”

Two thousand years later, what does this mean for us? It stands in our hearts and minds as a metaphorical starting point for the journey to find peace and freedom. The intersection of those two wooden beams is the exact spot where forgiveness exists.

Man's sinfulness meets God's perfect grace. So we get to lay down our offenses and faults no matter how disgusting or crude they are. We no longer have to carry the humiliating weight of guilt and shame that the sinfulness has caused.

Nor do we have to pay for our own sinfulness by completing a list of never-ending good works or mantras. Imagine the labor and tedium which the Jews of the Old Testament had to maintain; it was one sacrifice plus another, plus another, plus like five thousand more and on and on the cycle of atonement went.

In contrast, a Christian is set free from the chaotic cycle that the Jews had to endure. The Jews were required to make amends for their wrongdoings. But we get to set all the gook and crap at the foot of the cross and walk away empty handed; Christ completely covered over our darkness and grotesqueness.

In Matthew 26:28, Christ is recorded saying, “For this is my blood of the new covenant, which is shed for many for the remission of sins.” So this means that the weight of a Christian's sin is paid for in full. The old covenant is no longer necessary. Isn't that what we've learned since we were little kids making Popsicle stick crosses during Sunday school? So that means there is no outstanding balance, right?

Most Christians know the grace of Ephesians 2:8+9 in their heads: "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-- not by works, so that no one can boast." But so frequently, we fail to embrace it with our hearts.

We're familiar with the grace preached on Easter Sunday but not sure what to do with it a few weeks later when we blow it. So even though we know that we're forgiven once and for all, we frequently lay down our bloody cloths at the cross and then take them right back up again.

We know God's grace is sufficient and yet we feel compelled to pay for those icky sins by ourselves. But does this practice do us any good? The Bible makes it clear that we can add nothing to the payment Christ already made for us, for it was perfect and wholly adequate.

So, we must simply put our faith in Christ and confess our sins to Him. The Bible says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1John 1:9). Likewise, the book of Acts clearly affirms that it is one's belief in Christ that clears them of their sinfulness. Acts 10:43 declares, “…whoever believes in Him (Christ) will receive remission of sins.”

Now picture a trash-can or a dumpster sitting next to the cross of Calvary. Or just picture the disgusting one next to the toilet in your downstairs bathroom. It's usually smelly, sticky, and germ-laden. The dumpster is the place where you stash all of your household waste. Once you throw it there (frequently for a three pointer from twenty feet away), you hope you'll never have to see it again.

Where does it go? Who knows? We just hope that we don't have to touch it again. The plethora of gum wrappers, q-tips, cotton balls, rogue pieces of gum, and used tissues are thrown into the magical bin for good. And for a fairly reasonable fee, the trash company takes it from our house every Thursday morning to some mysterious landfill for the rest of our known lives.

This is such simple faith. Do you ever stop the garbage man to ask if he's going to bring it back again? Of course not, right? And I'm guessing you don't challenge him about where he's taking it either. So while it might sound insulting to compare God to the trash company, metaphorically speaking, it works if you think it through. He too wants to pick up our garbage and take it from us, never to be seen again.

He doesn’t want us to sift through the trash-can to retrieve our old waste. Isn’t that a disgusting thought, to sort through your old garbage? And yet, we as Christians rummage through our own spiritual trash bins looking for old offenses and faults all the time. It seems obvious that we should not take back the burdens of our past sins. But, we frequently lay our sins at the cross with doubt and tentative concern. God simply wants us to drop them, walk away, and to not look back.

Sure, we will need to deposit new ones at the cross, asking the Lord for forgiveness and cleansing as they arise. But, then we should walk away with His peace and forgiveness in a similar fashion to our old ones. Our response should reflect an attitude of relief and freedom, not uncertainty and fear.

Hebrews chapter ten affirms the adequate payment Christ made on the cross for the Believer. Verse twelve proclaims, “But this man (Jesus), after he had offered one sacrifice for sins forever, sat down at the right hand of God.”

The Bible passage goes on to reference Jeremiah 31:34 in verse seventeen: “…‘Their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more.’” Paul concludes this point in verse eighteen saying, “Now where there is remission of these, there is no longer an offering for sin.”

So, how do we respond? We should meditate upon the full value of Christ's atonement for our sins. This means two things. First, we shouldn't sin so that we can rake in a bigger portion of His grace. God obviously wants us to be filled with His spirit so we can live in obedience on a daily basis.

Second, we need to fully receive God's grace for our brokenness by being thankful and confident. What an insult it is when we take back our sins because we think Christ's payment is inadequate. It's like telling the trash collector that you think you should hold onto your own garbage since clearly you can keep track of it better than he can.

So the next time you carry the trash out to the dumpster, think of the cross and how you can correspondingly let go of your spiritual garbage for good. You can walk away and feel your burdens lifted. When Satan tempts you to take them back, picture Christ hanging from the cross saying, “It is done.” Then, spend some time in prayer thanking Jesus for the amazing forgiveness He offers you. Encourage others with this truth as well. Christ came to set us free! :)

Labels: cross, dumpster, forgiveness, Jesus

I've been abundantly trapped in the Psalms for the past few years. I squeeze in other parts of the Bible too, but somehow I find true spiritual rest as I allow myself to get lost in one of David's poems.

He's so real, so raw, so edgy, even for today's Hollywood standards. He screams out his heart to God. He begs Him to listen. He longs for Him to respond. And that reminds me of someone else I know pretty well... myself.

Today I enjoyed reading Psalm 39. David is definitely dealing with some anger issues in this one and tries to get some perspective. He knows life is short. He is super miffed at his enemies and feels like God has let him down.

Have you ever felt like that before? I have echoed those same feelings... like once or twice or a hundred times a thousand times. Let's be honest people. That's what blogs are for. So, back to Psalm 39.

David says that when he stayed silent and kept his tongue from sin, "My heart grew hot within me, and as I meditated, the fire burned; then I spoke with my tongue: 'Show me, O Lord, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life'" (v 3+4).

We observe that David is pretty hot-headed. He explodes with passion, whether he's angry at God or in love with Him. He continues to talk about how short life is by comparing it to a simple breath (v 5). And I love his flair for the drama when he talks about how we are like ghosts just coming and going (v 6a).

Then he shares how you work your fanny off and then someone else gets to spend your money after you die (v 6b). But ever so briefly, he sneaks some wisdom into verse seven: "But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you."

But then he's right back to being ticked off again and starts to wrestle with the Lord about how it's really all the Lord's fault by saying, "...for you are the one who has done this" (v 9b).

He then asks God to remove His "scourge" and says he is overcome by the "blow of (God's) hand" (v 10). He goes on to complain about how God disciplines us and how God is actually the one who "...consume(s) (man's) wealth like a moth" (v 11). And then he's back to whining about life being super short: "...each man is but a breath."

At this point, it starts to feel like a roller coaster because David interjects a little bit of humility again: "Hear my prayer, O Lord, listen to my cry for help; be not deaf to my weeping"(v 12). And then he's totally angry again and even asks God to leave him by saying, "Look away from me, that I may rejoice again before I depart and am no more" (v 13).

But, haven't we all done this before? We pray like little bratty kids. We say "Oh Lord I love you and want to serve you with my entire life" one minute and then the next we're like "I hate you God, you never come through for me... how come so-and-so got that promotion and I didn't?"

But here's where we can take heart. Remember how David was called "A man after God's own heart?" Even though he blew it (way more than once), God was touched by his honesty.

Even though lots of David's prayer-time included crying and shouting, at least he spent time praying in the first place. And that's what God wants from us as well. Let's take the time to hang out with the Lord. Tell Him how you really feel. Tell the Lord how you're really doing.

Does your prayer life look anything like David's? Share your thoughts about King David's honesty. Keeping it real. We'd love to hear from you. :)

Labels: King David, Psalm 39

My gosh. Am I this pathetic? My single best friend is going to go skydiving with her new loser boyfriend and my new paraplegic friend is exploring the world without any functional legs while I, a grown woman, am still terrified of the dark. I mean, am I even alive? Or am I just hiding behind my writing? Is that what makes my existence real? If I don’t write, it’s like there’s no proof I was even here. I mean, my three kids, well they’re proof, right? I need another coffee. My gosh if I could just finish this damn nature piece, then I could move on and start writing my book.

Jadan rolled off to the other side of the lounge. But before he made it back to his table, he got stopped by a tall, thin business acquaintance to discuss an article from the Wall Street Journal. They chatted for a few minutes before he got back to his trades. Meanwhile, Jen couldn’t put her damn phone down because she was texting half of the planet, but mainly Jared. I could tell it was Jared because of the way she smiled and put her right pinky nail against the edge of her front tooth while she hit “send” every fifteen seconds.

“Seriously Jen, five thousand texts per month. You are going to get Carpal Tunnel,” I said with a tired tone.
“Whatever, it just gives me an edge and makes me a faster typist. What’s your problem Renee? Grumpy again today, are we? I swear you’re not having enough sex. That’s what’s making you so irritable,” she said still texting away.
“Ha ha, you Dork. I get plenty of sex by the way. I’m the one with the three kids remember?” I said laughing into my next sip of coffee.
“Well you seem all serious and pissy. You don’t have to tell me what’s bugging you though. I know I’ll hear it soon enough,” she sighed.
“Spoken like a true friend, Jen. Seriously, nothing’s bugging me… except that I can’t clear my mind and I’m totally confused about my life lately.”
“About what? You have three healthy and amazingly smart kids, a four bedroom house near the beach, a totally brilliant, hot husband, and an obedient Labrador to go jogging with. Pardon me, but what the heck do you have to feel confused about?”
“Jen, you are so shallow sometimes. It all looks great on the outside, but I’m not always as happy as everyone thinks. Then I meet Jadan, who is like the most joyful human being ever to walk the earth, even though he’s paralyzed. I don’t get it. Why can’t I be more positive about stuff like he is?” I asked.
“Well, I’m sure he has tough days too. We all do. And I didn’t mean to make it seem like you have a perfect life, but yours comes pretty damn close,” she said brushing her hand against mine.
“I do have a ton of blessings. I just wish I wasn’t such a stress-case. It’s hard to drop the kids off and not worry about them all day long. I swear Jen before having kids, I had almost nothing to worry about. I mean grad school was a ton of work, but if I died, oh well. As a mom, it’s different, you have to take really good care of yourself now so you can live to be a great grandma some day. Plus, you have to take care of three other human beings in every way, from their teeth to their hair, to their butts even. It’s literally exhausting,” I said rolling my head from side to side to get a few cracks and pops out.
“See Renee, this is why you don’t write. You just get inside your head and all you do is freak out most of the day. You know I love you so I’m just gonna say it: ‘Chill out!’”
“Thanks Jen. I love you too. So, how was your date with Mr. Sleaze-ball last night?”
“It was very sleazy, thank you.”
“You seriously slept with him already?”
“No, I did not, thank you very much. I think he’s actually all talk because he didn’t even kiss me, but it was okay. It was very romantic. After dinner, we walked along the harbor and stared at the million dollar boats. It was a bit breezy, so he gave me his black leather jacket to wear over my spaghetti strap black velvet dress. It was literally the most kosher and non physical date I’ve had since like junior high,” she said in an astonished tone.
“Nice. I’m impressed Jen. I mean, truly blown away. What a guy? I might even have to apologize to him next time I see him at our old Starbucks. So does Jared like Chinese food?” I inquired as my mind started thinking about the lunch specials across the Plaza at Mr. Kim’s.
“I don’t know. We’ve only dated for like a week. But I bet he does. He’s very open minded. And he’s such a gentleman. He paid for everything. Oh, did I mention the Espresso Comedy after dinner that he took me to? It was so funny. I laughed like a total nerd. But, he has a really snorty laugh too,” she said reminiscing about the memorable evening with her new heart throb.
“Well go Jen. I’m happy for you, like truly happy if this guy turns out to be a true prince charming,” I said flipping through various folders on my laptop.

PAUSE.

Opening up “Nature Article.” I hope I remembered to let Nugget out. Ugghhh, if I didn’t, then she’s gonna pee all over the red futon again. Oh, I hope Dianne and Danielle don’t get the stomach flu like Josh did earlier this week. I can’t even remember if I took that pot roast out of the freezer to dethaw. Well, if not, there’s always Little Caesar’s to the rescue. Thank goodness for pizza. Uggghhh, I totally forgot to eat breakfast this morning. I’m so hungry. I hated that nightmare last night. I can’t believe that friend of mine who shared that lame story about the woman who got abducted by aliens. Like that could really happen? Oh my gosh…BRAIN…YOU MUST SHUT UP SO I CAN WRITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Labels: book excerpt from Stream of Consciousness

If you're a busy parent (like most of us), then you are always trying to share valuable moments with your children amidst the plethora of demands vying for your time. So, here are five easy ways to connect with your kids, even if you're thrashing around like a great white shark, just trying to fit it all in.

First, write simple notes inside of your child's lunch-pail. Today I gave my son some fun facts about the world's tallest mountains. Apparently Mt. Everest has the highest altitude at 8,848 meters above sea level, but it is not the tallest mountain. Geology.com awards the proud island Mauna Kea as the "tallest mountain," which is 10,000 plus meters above the sea floor.

And for a third bit of trivia to the mountain contest, I informed my son that Chimborazo of Ecuador is the highest mountain above the earth's center (6,310 meters). So, just try to connect with your kid over a simple bit of kid-trivia. Or it could be as simple as writing, "I love you" on his or her napkin.

Second, remember to go on special one-on-one dates with your child. If you have more than one, this is especially important. It's hard to fit in time with each kid for a special ice cream treat or a movie at the Plaza. But it's worth scheduling in the time, even if you have to cut something else out. During your special Mommy or Daddy time with your daughter or son, you get to listen with both ears to their thoughts and concerns.

Even if you just end up shooting the breeze about the newest Wii or XBox game or their new favorite song, you'll be establishing roots for your relationship. Ask them basic questions, like where they want to go for summer vacation or what their favorite ride is at Legoland or Disneyland. It's the simple stuff that adds up to form meaningful connections.

Third, draw a picture of your kid at your favorite place together. Maybe it's a pencil drawing of you and her at the beach watching the dolphins swim by. Or, perhaps you will get those crayons out and draw one of the two of you cuddling together eating popcorn while watching a movie.

Whatever you draw, you should take the time to tell your child why the picture is special to you. Let her know that you value your time together. Remind your kid that you care about her because she belongs to you. Then, paste it up on her closet door or frame it and nail it up on her bedroom wall. Your child will see it and think of your consistent relationship no matter how busy and crazy life gets.

Fourth, enjoy the great outdoors together. Go for a walk or a bike ride around the neighborhood. If you have an adventurous side, you could even put your dog's leash on and head out to the wild hillsides of the Inland Empire for a nature hike. If you feel up to it, pack a picnic with fun treats and lots of water as well.

As it warms up, you could go swimming together or run through the sprinklers if you'd prefer to stay in your own backyard. Whatever you do, breathe in the breezy sun-filled air and create some memories together while exercising a bit along the way.

Fifth, dress up in funny clothes together. This will even make your bigger kid(s) laugh. Ask your child(ren) to put on snow clothes inside of your house and then add a summer straw hat to add flair to the fun uniform. You can take turns photographing each other as well.

I have a picture of my three kids dressed up in snow clothes from last summer. People used to see their picture on my phone and thought it was from some kind of a ski trip. I'd say, "Nope, it was inside of our house from a fun round of dress-up." Some of you might think this sounds strange, but if it helps you to connect with your kids, then it's worth the effort.

Share your thoughts about busy schedules and connecting with your kiddos. Just keeping it real! We'd love to hear from you. :)

Labels: connecting, kids, parents

Just then, Jadan wheeled by our spot and waved goodbye. He zipped by in his wheelchair and then paused to say goodbye as he looked back over his shoulder to me and Jen.

“I hope your writing goes well. I’m off to do some kayaking with a buddy. I’ll catch you gals later,” he said while loosening his striped blue and grey tie.
“Sounds good. Have a great time out there. This is my friend, Jen, by the way,” I retorted shyly.
“Hi…” Jen waved awkwardly, like she didn’t know what the hell was going on.
“Jadan, it’s Jadan,” he said to her.
“Hi Jadan, nice to meet you,” she said shaking his strong weathered hand.
“See ya,” I said waving goodbye.

“Okay, I know that was strange Jen. I know you’re wondering why that paraplegic man came over to say goodbye to me.”
“Well, yes I was definitely wondering, Renee. So what’s up?”
“Well, I wanted to make sure I hadn’t offended him earlier, so I went over to see if I could help him get a refill. I felt bad for him. Now, it seems like he thinks we’re friends or something. Is no Starbucks safe for peace and quiet?” I questioned.
“Well, he looks really sweet,” Jen commented.
“Of course he seems sweet. He’s handsome, rich, and paralyzed, of course. Maybe you should date him.”
“He’s not really my type. I’m more into the total loser pervert types, remember? I’m going pee. I’ll be right back. Watch my stuff, okay?” she ordered.

Maybe I’ll have to start writing out in nature, maybe at the beach, like I used to do back in graduate school with my bottled water, beach towel, cell phone, and my never-ending volumes of Spanish American literature. But I always felt relaxed and able to think there. I should be writing about the ocean, not a stream at all. This magazine editor wouldn’t care. He just wanted a few pages about nature and postmodern crap about existence. I should change it. Here goes:

The ocean flows forth with life and force. Its ever changing presence renews me as I sit upon its shore looking for a thought lost in time. The dolphin swims effortlessly inside of its waves, one with the universe, one with her fate. She fights, survives, glides, and exists, one simple yet complex day at a time.

Oh, to be that dolphin, just for a moment, outside of the never-ending cycle of stress and worry. To ebb and flow with the ocean’s tides. To pause from non-stop thinking. To exist inside the set of chaotic circumstances and yet, to be at peace. To be that dolphin. To survive and yet to glide… peacefully along. To listen to the sea’s soothing rhythm while beating against its rocky depths along the way.

Feeling alive. Dreaming. Forgiving. Moving onward with the world around me. And then, to be taken under water. I can not breathe. And it is okay. I am one with the screaming, crying, laughter, dancing, smiling, and suffering. All around me. Pain and joy; they co-mingle like a waltz of death and life together. But, it’s okay. I am alright. I am a dolphin.

I have to get home and go for a jog before I race out to the grocery store to get snacks for the kids’ lunches. And, I should get some sour cream and guacamole for our chicken tacos. Oh, and I need some more toilet paper. We are always running out of toilet paper. Goodbye fellow Starbucks junkies. Enjoy another fruitful day on planet Earth. Click save.

“I’m back. Thanks for watching my stuff,” Jen said while texting Mr. Loser a million words a minute, no doubt.
“No worries Chica. I’m out. I’ve got a billion things to do before getting the kids from their schools. I’ll text ya when we’re about to eat. You can join us for Taco-Tuesday, unless you’re having dinner with Jared, or something,” I prophesied with uncanny spiritual prowess.
“You guessed it Girl. I am going out to Café Sevilla with Jared and we are going to a show after that. And then, I’m not sure what after that. So, don’t flood my phone with texts Renee. That would be rude, you know interrupting things,” she giggled.
“Whatever. Give me a hug. I’m going jogging and then to the store. See ya Sweet-pea.”

Jogging. Then kid pick-up. Snacks. Homework. Dinner. Bathtime. Brush teeth. Read stories. Clean up from dinner. Check email. A glass of Merlot. Chat with Hubby. Crash into bed. Sleep! Dream!
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(That's the end of chapter two. I hope you are enjoying the excerpts). :)

Labels: book, writing