Mariposa Kisses (aka Dianne's Blog)

If you read my latest entry titled, “A Watched Pot Never Boils,” then you have read my reflections upon the last days of pregnancy and our recent desire to meet our blessed little one. Well, our third little angel did arrive eleven days early. She was welcomed by one very excited preschooler and one not-as-thrilled toddler. Tomorrow, she will be four weeks old and it is amazing how the time has flown. I’m sure I will look back years from now and this time will be remembered as a fuzzy blur. We have been somewhat sleep-deprived as all parents of newborns are, but the time has been an incredible blessing to our entire family. Our preschooler is still absolutely in love with his newest sister and kisses her at every possible chance. Our toddler has adjusted to her as well and really likes holding her, kissing her, and petting her like a kitty.

I am absolutely in love with our newborn. It amazes me how one can be so attached to her newborn instantly. It’s ironic that I would have had concerns about how I would feel about this baby, even though this is Baby #3 for us and I had possessed similar silly concerns when we were pregnant with our second. You do wonder though, “Will I love this baby as much, or how will I feel about this one?” It is quite amazing to me how in love I feel with this third baby as I did with my first two. I’m convinced it’s a God-given maternal instinct to love your own creation passionately…no matter what number he or she is in the line-up. I’m so thrilled to have a new little addition to our family and am thankful for my joyous feelings towards her. Likewise, I’m blessed by our kids’ positive adjustment and enthusiasm towards her as well.

Mixed in with my blissful feelings towards my newborn are feelings of impatience with my other children. I am currently trying to adjust to having three children and am trying to find the balance of loving them all well and simultaneously holding all of my emotions together in a self-controlled manner. At times, I feel like a failure as a mom, because while I do extremely well handling the three throughout most of the morning hours, by the afternoon, I am so exhausted that I frequently lose my temper inappropriately with one of my other children. I need to remember to go to the Lord in prayer for forgiveness and for grace. It’s something I readily preach to others about, but which is much harder for me to apply to myself. I find that the Lord is using motherhood to shape me, even though it is at times uncomfortable and I would quite prefer to be made whole and more patient instantly.

I know that when I do blow it, I can apologize and ask my kids for forgiveness and that they can be learning that even mommy needs to receive grace. I recently lost my cool with our son and had to ask him for forgiveness. I then expressed to him our need for forgiveness from Jesus and commented on how what HE did on the cross pays the price for all of us and for our imperfections. It’s ironic that our little ones would be learning about Christ’s grace through our own personal shortcomings. However, I am so grateful that the Lord would use “…all things for good to those that love HIM and are called according to HIS purposes” (Romans 8:28).

Our quick admittance of our failures helps our children to see that we as parents need God’s help. I try to take prayer opportunities with our children, while asking the Lord to “make mommy more patient.” I hope that our children are seeing our sincerity alongside our deficiencies and how we want to be more like Christ in our own lives. I hope this entry encourages you in your journey as a parent and as a believer. I want to remind you for times when you blow it, that “If we confess our sins, HE is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1John 1:9). Grace and forgiveness be upon you in the coming days, weeks, and years.