Mariposa Kisses (aka Dianne's Blog)

Sometimes it feels that your life has gone missing, like you’re one of those puppies on the mailboxes shouting out “Reward, $150”. You know your life is moving forward on the track, but you question whether or not you’re even aboard the train. The mortgage is slowly getting paid; the cars are mostly all running fine and most of your basic needs and wants are being met. You care for everyone else around you and somewhere in the midst of it all, you’ve gotten lost. If only there was a reward poster somewhere so you could be found.

In spite of your best efforts to juggle it all, it can feel like you're getting a busy signal or an out-of-the-office auto email response. As moms, our lives have been put on hold and we can't seem to reconcile the fact that another decade has just flown by. Most moms can relate to the automated operator who plays that annoying music after giving you twelve prompts to choose from in five different languages. Before you know it, you’ve been waiting for twenty-five minutes before you finally realize you’ve chosen the wrong prompt. It’s not that you planned on putting your life on hold in so many ways; it just sort of happened. Here are three ways that moms feel their lives have been temporarily suspended.

First, moms lose a sense of their calendars. It seems unbelievable that school starts at the same time every year and before you know it, you're attending the end-of-the-year luau party. Included in this super-speed time warp is the involuntary donation of your own personal schedule. This includes a variety of activities from taxi-cabbing the kids all over town, to working, to cleaning, to grocery shopping, etc. You may not remember what it feels like to get a cup of fresh brew with a clean crisp newspaper in hand because your schedule no longer includes time for that.

Secondly, your life feels like someone hit the pause button with regards to your personal privacy. You feel like you’ll get it back someday, but are not sure when that day will come. I thought it sounded funny when other moms would talk about how they couldn't even go to the bathroom by themselves anymore. Now that I have three kids, I totally understand that they weren’t joking. Then, there's the family bed when the little ones run in with nightmares, hunger pains, a bloody nose, a request for help on the potty or a plethora of other excuses. Taking a shower becomes a limited luxury as well. The kids become militaristic drill sergeants demanding that your shower be just long enough to lather and rinse. Meanwhile, someone is hitting so-and-so or the television got jammed and isn't working anymore. And you're not quite sure when you're going to be able to hit play again for your own private moments.

The third way that life feels a bit modified from the pre-kid era is evidenced by the loss of your own outrageous and unrealistic dreams. Wanting to attend culinary school, to be in a band, or the goal of running a marathon can all get pushed to the sidelines. Now you're all about altruistically supporting the children’s aspirations and dreams. Is there really any way you could ever fit in a French class or a fancy trip to Paris just for yourself? What about that dream to write a book or to start your own business? In between helping the kids with art projects and packing lunches and snacks for the day's outings, it seems there really isn’t any time for your own dreamy objectives.

The amazing thing about moms is that despite these seemingly large losses, we see them as huge gains. Our crazy little thieves of space and time are the most valuable people in our lives, so we press on and stay the course even when quitting can seem like the easiest response. Instead of being angry and hostile at what we've given up, we plan more meals and give more hugs. We buy more Band-Aids and more chocolate milk. We're honorable and respectful members of society, even though our jobs are really hard and underappreciated. Remember that after a life of loving service to our kids, the payoff will be huge. One day in the not too distant future, our kids will be taking care of us.