Mariposa Kisses (aka Dianne's Blog)

Love + Adventure + Tenacity + Energy + Passion = Bravery. I'm not sure of all the exact ingredients for bravery, but these are some of them for sure. When I think of my three kids, bravery is one of the attributes I'd love it instill in them the most. That doesn't mean being the best at everything they do; in fact, it actually means the opposite. Their willingness to stand out and to try new things brings out the essence of boldness. If my kid is willing to go for something he's not especially skillful at, simply because he wants to try something new, that might be the bravest thing of all.

Failing feels lousy at any age. In fact, that's why some kids and adults decide not to try new things. Or, it's why they decide not to do something again. They say "No way" to that potential relationship because the first three failed. They say "No way" to that writing contest because they've gotten one too many rejection letters. When the series of "what ifs" enters into the mental arena, fear takes over and it sabotages the possibility of adventures to come. The passion and adrenaline get squelched by the flames of doubt and insecurity. The would-be attempts fade into the pit of defeat, also known as the abyss of "No-WAY-NOT-ME!"

Do you limit yourself just to the things you're good at? Do you give up once you've failed or been rejected? If so, that means you're not really very brave. If you do something because you know you can do it well, then you feel and appear great, but you don't convince anyone that you're especially audacious. If you think being brave is important like I do, then read on. Here are four things you can do to help your kids to be brave.

First, do brave things yourself. This way, your kids will be more likely to follow in your footsteps. Now, there is a difference between being stupid and being brave, so try not to confuse the two. I don't mean, go for your dreams at the expense of your loved ones. Nor am I encouraging you to pursue irresponsible things that cause harm to others. What I am saying is that you should pursue endeavors that you might not be especially qualified at, like a musical instrument or foreign language lessons even though you're in your thirties, forties, or fifties.

Or, you could take an Indian cooking class even though you were born and raised here and have never even eaten Indian food. You might be a total flop, but then again...you might discover that you love all those amazing smells and spices. The result of these bold endeavors is that your kids will see you doing something outside of your comfort zone...something you might even suck at. Then again, it might go beyond them simply observing you and subsequently lead to their own "outside the box" pursuits.

Second, introduce your kids to things that they haven't done before. Sign your daughter up for kid-karate because it's something new, but also because it will increase her self-confidence. If your son loves traditional sports like basketball, baseball, and football, maybe you should sign him up for some golf lessons too. If he's a natural at everything, this might show him that he can also take on a sport that requires patience and calculation. If he's a perfectionist, this will demand an especially large dose of bravery because he is definitely going to fail from time to time. If you're a golfer, you know what I mean...carefully reading the green only to discover you were off by more than a few inches.

Maybe your little princess loves dance but is a bit too shy for formal lessons. Why not sign up for a "Mommy & Me" class with her? Because you're not ready to put on a tutu and tights, right? Well, I'm pretty sure loose clothing is a sufficient dress-code. Before you know it, she'll be out there socializing on her own and the next session will be for independent lessons. Ballet, jazz, tap...there are so many options.

Third, do fun and brave things as a family. Involve the grandparents as well. Why not go on a nature-hike with the whole family, even the dog? You could go out at night with the flashlights looking for owls, bats, and other creepy night-time critters. While this might not seem like an exercise for the acquisition of courage, you'd be surprised at its freakiness. But, that might just be me, I'm still afraid of the dark. We keep the closet light on "for the kids" when they come venturing into our room late at night (not for me, I promise).

So, if you're not in to the hiking thing, here's another family outing. Go and feed the homeless together. You could call up a shelter and fill a slot around the holidays serving a hot meal to needy people in our own community. This might be the very essence of bravery...getting outside of your nice SUV and your warm and cozy house to go where "those people" spend their time. You might even sit down and join some of those precious souls for a cup of coffee after your shift is over. You'll end up the richer for it and your kids will as well. You'll feel brave too.

Fourth, decide not to give a hoot what other people think of you. This is especially important for our kids, who care so much about what their friends think of them. Even at a young age, our kids shy away from certain tasks because they don't want to look stupid. They don't want to get laughed at and who can blame them? I certainly don't want my kids to get mocked or insulted. But, at the same time, I'd rather teach my kids that someone's negative opinion of them doesn't compare to their own personal passions and significance.

Furthermore, if someone's going to judge my kids for failing at something they tried to accomplish, is that the kind of friend they really want the good opinion of anyways? But, we model tentative behavior to them all the time. Admit it, you've given up on something because someone made fun of you. You stopped taking chances because someone else told you that you weren't good enough. But, why? Did that person's opinion matter more than your own? Get back in the game, friend. Show your kids you don't really care if someone thinks you're a loser. Show them that you're a brave mom or dad. I believe in you! :)

Bravery, it's a funny thing what that means to people. It usually means doing something that you're freaked out about. That could be sky-diving for one person or it could be calling up an old room-mate that you haven't spoken to in ten years due to that lame argument about whose turn it was to take the trash out. For my husband, it was the completion of his first triathlon this past fall (Go HUBBY!). It could be... singing in front of your church congregation on Christmas Eve...in front of hundreds of people staring up at your face. Even though the thought terrifies you...you say yes because you are a daring person. I think I'll be okay as long as I take slow breaths and keep a smile on my face no matter how many songs we end up singing. :)

Be brave this holiday season. Life is short and you are talented and creative. Your kids need to see that you believe in yourself. They need that reminder for themselves as well. Even if you're mediocre at something, you should pursue your passions and interests. You might even end up being better at it than you thought. You know how you can identify forty different tropical fish in those textbooks you peruse for fun? Isn't it time to sign up for those scuba lessons? You're not getting any younger, you know. Carpe diem. Go for it people of the Inland Empire. Why the heck not? Give yourself the gift of bravery! If you don't...no-one else will. And by gifting yourself with bravery, you're gifting it to your kids as well. Who needs a Wii anyways? Well, they are pretty cool, huh?

Tell us about one of your brave accomplishments. I know there are some sky-diving moms and dads out there. Share the stories. We'd love to hear from you.

Labels: bravery, family, kids