Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Excerpt #11, from pages 61-62 from "Stream of Consciousness"
I could feel a tear dripping down my cheek as I typed. I wondered why I was getting so choked up from my own writing. But it hit me that my own paternal relationship had suffered over the years and that this story was reflecting my own longing to be reconnected with my real dad. I wondered if it was time to get back into the safe and comforting world of Jane Austin. Eric and the kids all seemed fine upstairs without me. So, I decided to jump over to my red cotton futon with the blue yellow and green floral blanket and the oversized leaf pillows for a break from it all.
Sometimes she could fancy, that he talked less than on former occasions, and once or twice pleased herself with the notion that as he looked at her, he was trying to trace a resemblance. But, though this might be imaginary, she could not be deceived as to his behaviour to Miss Darcy, who had been set up as a rival of Jane. No look appeared on either side that spoke particular regard. Nothing occurred between them that could justify the hopes of his sister. On this point she was soon satisfied; and two or three little circumstances occurred ere they parted, which, in her anxious interpretation, denoted a recollection of Jane, not untinctured by tenderness, and a wish of saying more that might lead to the mention of her, had he dared. He observed to her, at a moment when the others were talking together, and in a tone which had something of real regret, that it ‘was a very long time since he had had the pleasure of seeing her;’ and, before she could reply, he added, ‘It is above eight months. We have not met since the 26th of November, when we were all dancing together at Netherfield.’
“Mommy, I need help with my picture. These clouds look funny, more like popcorn than real clouds. Can you fix them, please Mama,” Danielle begged me.
“Of course Sweetie. Let me finish this page and I’ll come out to the kitchen to fix it with some crayons,” I said with a soft smile.
“Okay Mommmeeee, I’ll be waiting at the table,” she reminded me as she walked out of my office and out towards the kitchen with her brown ringlets flowing against her dark pink and brown floral dress.
I closed my book. I’d had my break from the world around me. It was time once again to engage. Chapter one of my book was almost written. And Jane's Elizabeth Bennet was falling in love with Mr. Darcy unbeknownst to herself and her misguided prejudices against him. Jen had forgiven Jared, which meant we’d all still eat dinner together tonight and be cruising the Caribbean in just a few short days. My mom would be here tomorrow and we could catch up as well, so my mood was much improved and my heart felt lighter, as it always does when I get a chance to write and to read. I put my laptop, my book, and my MP3 player up on my shelf and headed out to the kitchen to help Danielle with her beautiful drawing of the sky.
“Hey Sweetie, I’m here now. Did you get the crayons out?” I asked.
“Yes Mommy. I already had the crayons out, Silly. That’s how I messed up my drawing in the first place,” she said with all-knowing wisdom and authority.
“It’s not messed up Danielle. It looks really good,” I told her helping to color in her clouds with a light gray crayon and a big Mommy smile to remind her that I think she’s super special.
“Thanks Mommy. You’re the best Mommy in the whole world,” she said with a twinkle in her big hazel eyes.
I noticed something in the back of Danielle’s animal coloring book and flipped through the pages to grab hold of it. It was an old note from my mom that she’d left after one of her long weekend stays at our house. I read the small pink sticky note and found such encouragement from its words. Her name was signed with a Scripture reference of “Psalm 107” next to it. It felt kind of like fate that I’d found the note so coincidentally, so I decided to grab my Bible and read it. It took me a minute to find it because I hadn’t read it in the past few months, but it was up on my kitchen shelf near my pile of junk mail and several bills.
“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever. Let the redeemed of the Lord say this—those he redeemed from the hand of the foe, those he gathered from the lands, from east and west, from north and south. Some wandered in desert wastelands, finding no way to a city where they could settle. They were hungry and thirsty, and their lives ebbed away. Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He led them by a straight way to a city where they could settle. Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men, for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things. Some sat in darkness and the deepest gloom, prisoners suffering in iron chains, for they had rebelled against the words of God and despised the counsel of the Most High. So he subjected them to bitter labor; they stumbled, and there was no one to help. Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom and broke away their chains. Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men, for he breaks down gates of bronze and cuts through bars of iron…”
“Mommy, aren’t you going to help me color still? Please help me with the horsey too. He’s so pretty, don’t you think, Mommy? What are you reading?” Danielle asked in her demanding but cute way.
“Mommy’s reading the Bible Honey. I was looking up some verses that Grammy told me about,” I said closing my red leather Bible. The second part of the chapter would have to wait.
Sometimes she could fancy, that he talked less than on former occasions, and once or twice pleased herself with the notion that as he looked at her, he was trying to trace a resemblance. But, though this might be imaginary, she could not be deceived as to his behaviour to Miss Darcy, who had been set up as a rival of Jane. No look appeared on either side that spoke particular regard. Nothing occurred between them that could justify the hopes of his sister. On this point she was soon satisfied; and two or three little circumstances occurred ere they parted, which, in her anxious interpretation, denoted a recollection of Jane, not untinctured by tenderness, and a wish of saying more that might lead to the mention of her, had he dared. He observed to her, at a moment when the others were talking together, and in a tone which had something of real regret, that it ‘was a very long time since he had had the pleasure of seeing her;’ and, before she could reply, he added, ‘It is above eight months. We have not met since the 26th of November, when we were all dancing together at Netherfield.’
“Mommy, I need help with my picture. These clouds look funny, more like popcorn than real clouds. Can you fix them, please Mama,” Danielle begged me.
“Of course Sweetie. Let me finish this page and I’ll come out to the kitchen to fix it with some crayons,” I said with a soft smile.
“Okay Mommmeeee, I’ll be waiting at the table,” she reminded me as she walked out of my office and out towards the kitchen with her brown ringlets flowing against her dark pink and brown floral dress.
I closed my book. I’d had my break from the world around me. It was time once again to engage. Chapter one of my book was almost written. And Jane's Elizabeth Bennet was falling in love with Mr. Darcy unbeknownst to herself and her misguided prejudices against him. Jen had forgiven Jared, which meant we’d all still eat dinner together tonight and be cruising the Caribbean in just a few short days. My mom would be here tomorrow and we could catch up as well, so my mood was much improved and my heart felt lighter, as it always does when I get a chance to write and to read. I put my laptop, my book, and my MP3 player up on my shelf and headed out to the kitchen to help Danielle with her beautiful drawing of the sky.
“Hey Sweetie, I’m here now. Did you get the crayons out?” I asked.
“Yes Mommy. I already had the crayons out, Silly. That’s how I messed up my drawing in the first place,” she said with all-knowing wisdom and authority.
“It’s not messed up Danielle. It looks really good,” I told her helping to color in her clouds with a light gray crayon and a big Mommy smile to remind her that I think she’s super special.
“Thanks Mommy. You’re the best Mommy in the whole world,” she said with a twinkle in her big hazel eyes.
I noticed something in the back of Danielle’s animal coloring book and flipped through the pages to grab hold of it. It was an old note from my mom that she’d left after one of her long weekend stays at our house. I read the small pink sticky note and found such encouragement from its words. Her name was signed with a Scripture reference of “Psalm 107” next to it. It felt kind of like fate that I’d found the note so coincidentally, so I decided to grab my Bible and read it. It took me a minute to find it because I hadn’t read it in the past few months, but it was up on my kitchen shelf near my pile of junk mail and several bills.
“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever. Let the redeemed of the Lord say this—those he redeemed from the hand of the foe, those he gathered from the lands, from east and west, from north and south. Some wandered in desert wastelands, finding no way to a city where they could settle. They were hungry and thirsty, and their lives ebbed away. Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He led them by a straight way to a city where they could settle. Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men, for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things. Some sat in darkness and the deepest gloom, prisoners suffering in iron chains, for they had rebelled against the words of God and despised the counsel of the Most High. So he subjected them to bitter labor; they stumbled, and there was no one to help. Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom and broke away their chains. Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men, for he breaks down gates of bronze and cuts through bars of iron…”
“Mommy, aren’t you going to help me color still? Please help me with the horsey too. He’s so pretty, don’t you think, Mommy? What are you reading?” Danielle asked in her demanding but cute way.
“Mommy’s reading the Bible Honey. I was looking up some verses that Grammy told me about,” I said closing my red leather Bible. The second part of the chapter would have to wait.
Labels: excerpt 11, Stream of Consciousness
