Mariposa Kisses (aka Dianne's Blog)

***Some names have changed, so if you've been reading along with previous excerpts, please note the following:

Josh changed to Jake
Dianne changed to Grace
Danielle changed to Katelyn/Katie

***These previous names return as characters in my female protagonist's book, except that Dianne becomes Diana.
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That evening, we ordered pizza and my mom packed up to head home. I tried to convince her to stay one more night, but she’d already been at our house for over a week and really missed Jack. I even tried to bribe her with a glass of Kendall Jackson Merlot, which was our favorite to drink in one another’s company. But she still loaded up her bags into her silver Camry and headed back to the desert. I’m not sure why I cried when she drove away. I knew we’d see each other again soon enough, but I really missed her. Getting her for one day before and after our cruise just hadn’t been enough.

After dinner and some quick baths, we all crashed like a ton of bricks. Eric and I still weren’t totally adjusted to being back on San Diego time and just needed to recoup from our trip. The kids were pretty tired as well and the house was dark by ten o’clock. Nugget started her snoring around seven-thirty and lay at the base of Jake’s wooden bunk-bed, nestled into the edge of his Optimus Prime comforter that slinked over onto the tan carpet. Grace’s room echoed stories of battles and adventures until she finally closed her eyes around nine-forty-five. Katie’s room was quiet right at eight-thirty like her brother’s.

Drop offs went fairly smoothly the next morning. At least I didn’t have to encounter any crazy moms out there trying to run me over. So, there was no need to use any of my very limited amount of sign-language or any kid-safe euphemisms today. The route to Starbucks was pretty relaxed as well. I wore my favorite faded blue jeans that made me feel skinny even though I was totally bloated from PMS. My red button down top with black flowers made me feel spritely as well and highlighted my amazing tan. Even though the weather hadn’t been too hot, we did so many outdoor activities that the sun had infused its way into my soft skin.

I must have been missed because Molly and the gang asked how my cruise had been. Word must have gotten out that Jadan had gone on the cruise as well, which caused some minor confusion. I had to clear up some local gossip and inform everyone that Stephenie had also gone and that they were actually married now. You know how coffee-talk gets all out of proportion unless you clear the air as soon as you get wind of it? As I looked around, I saw Jadan hard at work, laptop open, already trading like crazy, but no Kristin anywhere.

She and Jared must be sleeping in today. Since she freelanced like I did, she set her own schedule and Jared’s salesman calendar was pretty open as well. They must be extending their honeymoon, how nice. I was happy for them, but just a wee-bit jealous. My life was back in full speed, no extended vow-renewal-honeymoon for me. Aw well, it felt good to be back in my own head drinking strong Starbucks coffee from my red tumbler. I needed to find a spot and noticed an open one next to Jadan. So I walked over and put my stuff down by his black, athletic looking wheelchair. After he got off of his phone-call, we started to chat.

Labels: excerpt # 19, Stream of Consciousness

A few hours later, you won’t believe what happened. Jen ran up to us and told me that Jared had proposed to her there at the club. He must have brought the ring aboard the ship or bought one the day before. At any rate, Jen accepted and there was a pastor on board who decided he would marry them that very night. But it gets weirder. So sit down if you’re not already seated. Molly caught wind of the excitement and told Jadan that she really did want to be married. So he actually lowered himself from his wheelchair and faced her from his knees asking her to officially marry him since they’d already done the live-together thing, the kid thing, and the subsequent separation thing, and then the get-back-together thing.

So two weddings were planned for the next half an hour. Both couples went back to their cabins to change into the nicest dresses they’d brought and I did the same. The pastor asked us if we wanted to renew our vows while he was at it and since we were coming up on our thirteen year wedding anniversary in May, we decided to go for it! Why not? So, it would be a triple wedding of sorts. As fate had it, I happened to pack my wedding necklace since it was simple but elegant with one lovely pearl wrapped inside of a platinum molded flower. I was getting so excited and even a bit nervous, but why? I guess it was just the energy and the spontaneity of the whole thing. I sure was glad that Eric still wanted me after thirteen years of marriage and almost seven years of dating. At this point in life, marriage was starting to actually get easier. Intimacy was more real. Struggles merged and we were a team. And now my brilliant and crazy idea for this triple-date cruise was turning into a huge success for all of us.

We all raced up to the front of the ship on the upper deck where we could see the pastor adjusting his tie and his black suit jacket. He held a red leather Bible in his hands and even had a boutonnière on his breast pocket. It’s weird how pastors are just prepared for this kind of stuff. And if someone dies they could just turn around and perform the funeral the next hour. I don’t think I could ever be a pastor or a banker. Couldn’t exactly be a doctor either since I hate the sight of blood. But anyways, I should try to focus on these vow renewals. I’m gonna have to find someone who can take some pics because the kids will love them. My mom will think they’re great as well.

“Excuse me Mam, would you mind watching this wedding and our vow renewals and taking some pictures for us? I’ll pay you fifty bucks,” I said in my most charming sun-kissed voice.
“Oh sure thing Darling. But I’ll do it for free. Do you mind if our whole family watches you guys?” she asked in the sweetest middle-aged southern voice.
“Oh please, make yourself at home,” I said sounding odd, as if this were my ship or something. Of course they could watch; it was a public ceremony after all.

Jen, Jared, Molly and Jadan all said their “I do’s” while Eric and I said “I still do.” The ceremony was only like five minutes long. Rings were exchanged, or re-exchanged for Eric and me. And I’m not quite sure about this, but Eric snuck in some gorgeous red roses somehow just after the kiss. They looked strangely like the ones from one of the tables at the club, but I wasn’t going to judge him for his altruistic deed. Meanwhile onlookers clapped and cheered. All three couples kissed while the Atlantic’s evening sky twirled and danced with pinks and purples, mixed with oranges and blues. It was the most picturesque sky I’d seen in my thirty five years of life. So I counted it a huge blessing that I got to be a part of this wonderful night and this wonderful promise of commitment between the six of us.

My best friend was finally married and to a guy who I’d totally misjudged and written off as creepy and egotistical. Jadan was happily and officially committed to his daughter’s mother once again. And Eric and I were more in love than ever before. The night’s fun continued on but I can’t tell you all of those details here. Those are private, obviously. Meanwhile the picture lady named Karen, turned out to be the perfect photographer. She got like fifty shots of us and took some video as well. It turns out her husband owns a small camera shop in Atlanta, so she had certainly been the right person to ask. She put my camera on all different kinds of settings, even ones that I’d never discovered in the three years I’d owned it. The pastor sent us to sign official documents before we returned to our cabins. He even printed out an unofficial one for us to sign for our vow renewals. The more I thought about the evening, I felt really thankful and joyful. I’d never realized how important thirteen years was for me until I reminisced about that being the year that my own parents had gotten their divorce. We really wanted our marriage to go differently, for the better. And making it to thirteen was a huge mile-stone, especially since things were going so well for us and our family.

The next morning, we all got room service and stayed in our cabins until lunchtime. Why rush the morning when you don’t have to, right? I called the operator to see if I could find a place on the ship to develop our pictures. And I actually found one for only one arm and a leg. But it was worth it to spread the love and to hand them out to Jen and to Molly, to make it feel official. You know how people sometimes do crazy things on cruise-ships that they regret the next day? Well that wasn’t the case with our group of six. Everyone seemed very purposeful and peaceful when we joined up for a late lunch around two in the afternoon. Caesar salads and shrimp cocktails filled the table, along with scrumptious warm rolls and a variety of soups and sandwiches.

In contrast to the first few days of the cruise, we were all getting along so well now and felt united as friends; the recently captured bonds of commitment and love changed things for the better. It felt like we should be inside of a book or a screenplay. Who knows, maybe I’ll squeeze it into my book somehow if I could ever get some time to work on that darn thing. I think I left it with the female protagonist, Dianne, trying to figure out what to do with Alvin residing in their attached attic apartment. That would have to wait though. For now, we were busy being in love.

Labels: excerpt #15, Stream of Consciousness

The cool coastal air felt good on our faces as we walked back to our cabin. Shockingly, when we arrived at our room, we noticed a note hanging from the doorknob. I figured it was house-keeping or some kind of promotional pamphlet. But it looked like it was written in red lipstick. So I raced to open it up and read the inside which said, “Great time last night.” So my first reaction was to see if there was an address on the note. I thought that maybe someone had put the incriminating material on the wrong door handle. So obviously my next course of action was to chat with Eric directly.

“Honey, do you recognize this hand-writing,” I asked patiently.
“No, what is it?” he asked truly curious.
“Well it’s some kind of love note, which makes me wonder why the heck it’s on our door-knob,” I said feeling kind of irritable.
“Well I have absolutely no idea who that belongs to. I mean, is it some kind of joke? Do you think Jen did this to stir up some cruise-ship drama? You two are like best friends. Maybe she thought it would be sooo funny,” he said laughing out loud while rubbing my neck.
“Not even Jen would play a cruel joke like that on us. What do you think this is? All I can think of is that it might be Molly trying to burn us somehow. She seems like she’s got some kind of vendetta against me with mega jealousy about my friendship with Jadan, so that’s my first thought,” I said sounding incredibly pissed.
“Well there’s only one way to find out,” Eric announced as he grabbed our room keys and his cell phone.
“What, we’re just going to walk over and interrupt their breakfast? I mean, what if it wasn’t Molly? Then that will be one more level of drama,” I said in a stressed out tone.
“Well let’s just charge it Hon. I’m not going to let someone else wreck our cruise and our time together. You know I wouldn’t pull this crap on you, Renee. I’m totally confident in our relationship and I want you to be as well. So I’m pissed that someone is trying to frame me. This is not gonna happen on my watch,” he said like a confident police officer.
“Okay, then let’s head back over to the restaurant to chat with the group about it,” I said having tentative feelings about how this would play out.

When we arrived at the restaurant, the two couples noticed our intrusion the instant we walked in the door. I think they could hear my heart beating a thousand beats a minute. Eric walked straight towards Molly and challenged her directly.

“What’s the meaning of this? Did you write this note?” he said as he threw the note covered in red lipstick at her face.
“What? I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she said defensively.
“Okay, well we thought maybe you put this on our door since you’ve had a problem with me the second we got on the airplane,” I retorted uncomfortably.
“That’s so strange, someone left that on your door?” Jadan wondered as he looked over the napkin like a professional detective.
“Yeah, that’s so weird,” Jen echoed over the chaos.
“What’s so strange is that I recognize this handwriting. It’s totally familiar to me,” Jadan said glaring up at Molly.
“You’re seriously accusing me Hon? I can’t believe you. After all that we’ve been through and you’re acting like I would do something that insane,” she dog-paddled.
“Well, I recognize that funny little twirl you do on your cursive g’s. Plus this lipstick is totally your color. So I’m pissed too, Hon. These are my friends and you’re wrecking the whole damn cruise,” Jadan said slamming down his water cup for emphasis.

Obviously Molly felt totally discovered and cornered, so she ran out of the restaurant crying. We’d found the culprit with total accuracy. Even though it was so uncomfortable, I was so thankful for Eric’s direct approach. I mean what kind of a week was it going to be if I had to be wondering who was trying to sexually assault my husband? All this to say, the rest of the day was pretty interesting.

Labels: book excerpt #14, Stream of Consciousness

After we’d all unpacked our things, we decided to head to one of the ship’s restaurants for some fresh Mexican cuisine. I got some lobster tacos that were divine. The sauce alone could have been bottled and sold for ten bucks a pop at Sprout’s or at Fresh & Easy. I’d have to put in a suggestion on their blog when I got back. Jen got steak empanadas just to be different and Jared ordered a cilantro chicken burrito with cream sauce. He obviously wasn’t on a diet. Eric loved his chipotle shrimp tacos and Jadan and Molly enjoyed their Mahi Mahi tostadas with melon margaritas. Since I’d already had a glass of bubbly, which I don’t usually drink, I decided to play it safe with a beer. Bohemia was the order of the day since we were headed down south to Mexico. It had such a rich and comforting flavor, which reminded me of my college days while studying abroad in Mexico City.

Talk about culture and adventure. The Pyramids were amazing, as was the Palacio Nacional with a plethora of Diego Rivera’s murals. The National Ballet was inspirational and the castle in Chapultapec was so European. I loved Frida Kahlo’s museum in Coyoacan as well. To think I got to stand in her old house. I remember that there were tons of wild kittens running around in the garden area that day. Man, she had a tough life. I feel bad that she couldn’t have any kids of her own. But it made her a passionate artist, that’s for sure. That part of town had the best churros and chocolate I’ve ever eaten. I should catch up on my Spanish dictionary over the next few days. I don’t want to sound like I've never studied Spanish before, especially since I used to teach it prior to having my kids and starting my writing career.

After dinner, we all decided to head to one of the pools. We opted for the private one that adjoined our first class row of rooms. The perks were really starting to line up. I’m so glad we included Molly and Jadan on this brilliant adventure. Molly said she was going to lie down because she’d acquired a headache. But Jadan was still game for the Jacuzzi. And Jen and Jared were on board with a post-dinner swim as well. But Eric said he was ready to hit the hay since he hadn’t slept much the week before. So it was a little bit awkward for me to stroll over with the two love-birds and Jadan. But my neck was feeling tweaked from the four plus hours on the plane and a decent bit of driving and standing around. I definitely needed to get some heat therapy for my nerves as well.

Watching Jadan hoist himself out of his chair onto the side of the Jacuzzi was a bit awkward for me. Just like our initial encounter at Starbucks, I didn’t want him to think I was staring at him. Even though he transferred himself so gracefully, it must have taken lots of practice and lots of patience to get used to this new lifestyle after the accident. First, he locked the wheels of his chair. Then, he kept one hand on the chair as he pressed the other hand onto the ground to transfer the rest of his body to the ground before sliding into the Jacuzzi. He was totally confident though and even made a comment to me about how it would get less bizarre to see him getting in and out of his wheelchair as time went on. He was so direct about things. It was eerie how he could read my mind. Jen and Jared were over in the pool, so this gave me and Jadan a chance to chat.

“So, you starting to relax yet?” Jadan asked me as I dangled my feet atop the hot water.
“Not really. I’m not very good at relaxing. I carry my stress with me, even to the Caribbean,” I chuckled as I rolled my head from side to side.
“The water feels great. You should just get in Renee. It’s really not that hot,” he informed me lightheartedly.
“I will. I don’t adjust as easily to hot water as I used to in my twenties. I’m just getting used to it first,” I said flicking a bubble with my big toe.
“No worries. So what’s Eric up to? He didn’t feel like a late night swim, huh?”
“Well he actually loves the water, but he was pretty tired from a crazy schedule this past week and from all the traveling today.”
“Hopefully everyone will wake up nice and rested and ready for some fun tomorrow,” Jadan said as he rubbed his hands over his face while his feet floated to the surface.
“My gosh, your feet are just doing their own thing, huh? Those are pretty cool water shoes Jadan. I want some for myself,” I laughed in a friendly way.
“Well since I can’t use my legs or my feet, I have to let them do their own thing when I’m in the water. Or I can just hold them down with my arms. And I try to keep my shoes on so it's easier to get back up into my chair. It keeps my feet from slipping around and makes it more manageable to keep my feet tucked in close to my body. I hope that doesn’t weird you out… but at least I got you to laugh for the first time since we’ve been on the ship,” he said with a smirk.
“Awww, you’re sweet. Don’t worry, I’ll get into the swing of things and start to chill out. I’m glad that Eric doesn’t judge me for my depression and my anxiety issues,” I said feeling kind of shy and embarrassed.
“Depression, huh? That sucks. Well, I’ve been there at times too. But try to let that fade away this week. Whatever weighs you down, just let it go, you know, for a few days anyways,” he said bonking me on the head like he was lecturing his little sister.
“Okay, Mister Fearless, nothing gets you down, amazing paraplegic millionaire,” I said trying to knock him over where I thought he wouldn’t be as tough here in the water.
“Not a chance. I may not be able to use my legs, but I’m a tank when it comes to upper body strength. Didn’t I tell you I just completed the LA Marathon last month?” he reminded me.
“I think you mentioned it once or twice last week while we were at Starbucks,” I said moving back over toward the steps.
“Are you getting out already?” he wondered.
“I think I might head over to the pool for a quick dip. I’m gonna check on the love-birds and see how this trip is starting out for them,” I said trying to grab for my towel up on a nearby chair.
"Hey real quick, I just want to remind you that whatever happens in life, when you fall down, you just have to get back up. That shows that you're bigger than the problem. For me, I lose my balance and frequently fall down, but I always get back up," he said showing me his sentimental side.
"Thanks Jadan. I'll remember that, especially when I feel trapped inside my own head like there's no way out of the darkness," I said pointing towards his water bottle.
“If you could grab my bottled water up there on the table, that would be awesome,” he kindly requested while rubbing the symbolic arm-tattoo he'd told me about a few weeks after we met.
“No problem Jadan. Let me know if you need anything else. Just holler,” I said handing him his water and then diving right into the pool for a refreshing wake up call.
“How’s the water?” he asked taking a few gulps of ice water.
“It’s nice, way warmer than I would’ve thought. It’s in the low 90s for sure. Hopefully there’s a cooler lap pool somewhere else on the ship. I was really hoping to swim some laps in the morning. I’d definitely overheat in this bathtub,” I said laughing as I looked over at Jen and Jared juggling their feet on the edge of the pool together like two newly weds.

I heard my phone buzz and leaped out of the pool to see who it was. It was about ten thirty our time, so that meant it was like seven thirty San Diego time. So it was probably my mom putting the kids on the phone to say goodnight. But I was wrong. It was a text message from Eric.

Got the room all ready for some amazing romance. Foot massage awaits u. How long must I wait for my beautiful mermaid? Not so tired anymore. Couldn’t fall asleep without u by my side.—hubby :)

Labels: excerpt #13, Stream of Consciousness

After dinner, we took out Jen’s mud-pie, well not hers, it was from Charthouse. Like Jen could cook! She could hardly make a piece of toast without the fire alarm going off. Seriously, without frozen dinners and salads, Jen would die of starvation. But she mostly ate out with her newest fling, whoever that happened to be that particular week or month. This month, it happened to be Jared, but I was starting to hope he’d stick around. For all I’d pre-judged about Jared, I was turning out to be surprisingly wrong. I bumped into him over by the silverware and napkins and we chatted about the success of my amazing plan.

“So Renee. You worked it all out. You saved the cruise. You got me and Jen back on track. So I owe you big-time,” he said giving me a huge hug.
“Thanks Jared. You know, you helped me too. I needed this to work for me too. The whole reason I wanted to go on the cruise in the first place was because I felt like I needed to protect Jen from you, in case you turned out to be some kind of weirdo freak,” I said nonchalantly as I counted out ten plates, enough for all of us plus the kids.
“Wow, that’s really something. Like I don’t even know how to respond to that, Renee. But since I like you now, I guess I’ll just decide to ignore how bizarre that sounded,” he said trying to muster up an authentic laugh.
“No, I’m mostly kidding. It’s jus that Jen’s seriously important to me. So I started getting concerned. Then my worry turned into this exciting plan and then I got to know you and I think you’re actually really great. So please don’t misinterpret me on this. I’m so glad it’s all working out,” I said as I joke-punched him in the arm.
“Okay, I’ll let it go,” he said pinching me on the arm a little bit harder than I’d liked.
“Don’t make me get my hubby over here to defend me. He’ll kick your white a--,” I halted in my words as my littlest wandered over begging me for some dessert.
“Mommy, Tangled is over now. Can we please have some dessert?” she asked with a red pizza sauce ring around her mouth.
“Of course you can. But I’m not sure you guys will like the mud-pie because it’s got coffee ice cream in it. So I’ll get you guys some rainbow sherbet or some chocolate chip ice cream instead. Go up and ask the big kids what they want and I’ll bring it up to you in a second. Ask Miss Chelsea if she wants anything,” I said running my fingers through her long curly brown hair.
“Okay Mama. I’d like some sherbet and some chocolate chip please,” she said as she raced back up the stairs.

Jared and I were done talking for the moment. Within half a second, I’d gotten the ice cream orders and soon thereafter handed out all of the desserts. U2 was playing in the background, so I knew Jadan had switched my music up again. But I didn’t mind because I liked them better than Mark Anthony as well. It really seemed like everything was going perfectly. Everyone devoured dessert. Then we all enjoyed ourselves for a few hours after that with great conversation, some dancing, and even a few laps in the pool.

The night was a huge success. Even I started to relax and took advantage of a few songs with my wonderful husband, who was elated about our upcoming cruise. Surprising him was the romantic edge we had needed for a pre-vacation you-know-what. Yes, snuggling turned into much more and we were both feeling really connected and stress-free before my mom got there the next morning.

The doorbell rang at like six thirty in the morning. I truly couldn’t believe my mom got there so early. So I rolled my eyes the minute I heard Nugget freaking at our front door. What was my mom thinking? She’s going to wake everyone up! I put on my slippers and grabbed my robe as I noticed Eric buried under his pillow. How is it that he can sleep under all those covers and pillows over his head? He’s so claustrophobic in most instances. It’s completely strange.

I could still smell the rich aroma of barbecue sauce and grilled veggies, along with the remnants of candle smoke and sweet sugar from some ice cream that had been left out by accident. I wondered what my mom would want for breakfast, since she’d chosen to come so early. But when I opened the front door, no-one was there. There was simply a note that said, “Lawn-care provider, back and front lawn, $50 per week.”

Nice. So I was woken up from my sweet dream of Cosette and Marius from Les Miserables for this stupid lawn-care note. Like I’m gonna use their service now, I don’t think so. Plus, Eric really enjoys his chance to do his man-jobs. It’s so funny how he’ll say stuff like, “Honey, the yard’s my domain” or “Don’t mess with my garage!” At any rate, I’m up now, so I suppose I could take this next few hours of uninterrupted solitude to write another chapter of my book. But first, I need to make some coffee. Some seriously strong coffee. I guess I had one two many pina coladas last night since two is really my maximum without waking up with a huge headache. The coffee should definitely help. Maybe I should read just a few pages from Victor Hugo before I write my own stuff.

Ah, how romantic his stuff is. I mean, I know it’s the French Revolution and there’s lots of death and tragedy, but the love parts are so old fashioned and passionate. It would have been pretty wonderful to live in the 1800s with carriages and lovely dresses. A bit bumpy though and I probably would have been dead by now. So I guess I’ll enjoy the twenty-first century while I’m in it. Just think, I’d miss out on Coke, the gym, sunscreen, and my new swagger wagon, which I love. Plus, we wouldn’t have movies or the Wii. Oh my gosh, my kids would die if they didn’t have that. Maybe that would have been better, come to think of it. We all would have read more though, taken longer strolls, and had a lot more candles. Oh but not the fruity ones from Bath & Body. And I probably would have had like ten kids too and would have been required to use a man’s name as my writer's pseudonym, which would’ve sucked.

I opened up one of our copies of Victor Hugo from the downstairs office library and started reading smack dab in the middle. It was another one of those books where I could open up to any page and instantly be immersed in the poignant emotions and events of that particular chapter. I felt I had to stay downstairs because if I even stepped foot up one single stair, somehow one of the kids would sense that I was awake and beg me for a donut-run. It was best to find refuge on my dark leather couch with my fuzzy red throw blanket.

I loved my newly painted steel blue wall. Eric had done such a great job all by himself. And that is why I loved him so much. He served me like he truly cared. Of course he would have preferred to chill out on the couch with a beer and a game on television, but he stayed up until 2am because he knew it was important to me. My grapevine and ocean prints looked so crisp and artistic hanging on the new wall. Ah, I rolled my neck, took my slippers off and snuggled on the couch next to Nugget. Oh I love this part where Marius is spying on Cosette from behind the bushes. He convinces himself that she doesn't notice him, but his love is not as secret as he thinks. Remember when her dad notices his spying as well?

Labels: excerpt # 12, Stream of Consciousness

I could feel a tear dripping down my cheek as I typed. I wondered why I was getting so choked up from my own writing. But it hit me that my own paternal relationship had suffered over the years and that this story was reflecting my own longing to be reconnected with my real dad. I wondered if it was time to get back into the safe and comforting world of Jane Austin. Eric and the kids all seemed fine upstairs without me. So, I decided to jump over to my red cotton futon with the blue yellow and green floral blanket and the oversized leaf pillows for a break from it all.

Sometimes she could fancy, that he talked less than on former occasions, and once or twice pleased herself with the notion that as he looked at her, he was trying to trace a resemblance. But, though this might be imaginary, she could not be deceived as to his behaviour to Miss Darcy, who had been set up as a rival of Jane. No look appeared on either side that spoke particular regard. Nothing occurred between them that could justify the hopes of his sister. On this point she was soon satisfied; and two or three little circumstances occurred ere they parted, which, in her anxious interpretation, denoted a recollection of Jane, not untinctured by tenderness, and a wish of saying more that might lead to the mention of her, had he dared. He observed to her, at a moment when the others were talking together, and in a tone which had something of real regret, that it ‘was a very long time since he had had the pleasure of seeing her;’ and, before she could reply, he added, ‘It is above eight months. We have not met since the 26th of November, when we were all dancing together at Netherfield.’

“Mommy, I need help with my picture. These clouds look funny, more like popcorn than real clouds. Can you fix them, please Mama,” Danielle begged me.
“Of course Sweetie. Let me finish this page and I’ll come out to the kitchen to fix it with some crayons,” I said with a soft smile.
“Okay Mommmeeee, I’ll be waiting at the table,” she reminded me as she walked out of my office and out towards the kitchen with her brown ringlets flowing against her dark pink and brown floral dress.

I closed my book. I’d had my break from the world around me. It was time once again to engage. Chapter one of my book was almost written. And Jane's Elizabeth Bennet was falling in love with Mr. Darcy unbeknownst to herself and her misguided prejudices against him. Jen had forgiven Jared, which meant we’d all still eat dinner together tonight and be cruising the Caribbean in just a few short days. My mom would be here tomorrow and we could catch up as well, so my mood was much improved and my heart felt lighter, as it always does when I get a chance to write and to read. I put my laptop, my book, and my MP3 player up on my shelf and headed out to the kitchen to help Danielle with her beautiful drawing of the sky.

“Hey Sweetie, I’m here now. Did you get the crayons out?” I asked.
“Yes Mommy. I already had the crayons out, Silly. That’s how I messed up my drawing in the first place,” she said with all-knowing wisdom and authority.
“It’s not messed up Danielle. It looks really good,” I told her helping to color in her clouds with a light gray crayon and a big Mommy smile to remind her that I think she’s super special.
“Thanks Mommy. You’re the best Mommy in the whole world,” she said with a twinkle in her big hazel eyes.

I noticed something in the back of Danielle’s animal coloring book and flipped through the pages to grab hold of it. It was an old note from my mom that she’d left after one of her long weekend stays at our house. I read the small pink sticky note and found such encouragement from its words. Her name was signed with a Scripture reference of “Psalm 107” next to it. It felt kind of like fate that I’d found the note so coincidentally, so I decided to grab my Bible and read it. It took me a minute to find it because I hadn’t read it in the past few months, but it was up on my kitchen shelf near my pile of junk mail and several bills.

“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever. Let the redeemed of the Lord say this—those he redeemed from the hand of the foe, those he gathered from the lands, from east and west, from north and south. Some wandered in desert wastelands, finding no way to a city where they could settle. They were hungry and thirsty, and their lives ebbed away. Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He led them by a straight way to a city where they could settle. Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men, for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things. Some sat in darkness and the deepest gloom, prisoners suffering in iron chains, for they had rebelled against the words of God and despised the counsel of the Most High. So he subjected them to bitter labor; they stumbled, and there was no one to help. Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom and broke away their chains. Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men, for he breaks down gates of bronze and cuts through bars of iron…”

“Mommy, aren’t you going to help me color still? Please help me with the horsey too. He’s so pretty, don’t you think, Mommy? What are you reading?” Danielle asked in her demanding but cute way.
“Mommy’s reading the Bible Honey. I was looking up some verses that Grammy told me about,” I said closing my red leather Bible. The second part of the chapter would have to wait.

Labels: excerpt 11, Stream of Consciousness

I was so glad Jen was going to bring the mud-pie tomorrow for dessert. But after thinking it over, I should have asked her to just bring some non-fat frozen yogurt. I might have to bring mostly one suits on this cruise. It’d been quite awhile since I’d worn my bikinis. I’d just have to crank in a bunch of sit-ups later tonight. That would totally even things out, right? Okay, maybe not, but whatever, I was going to soak in the sun’s soothing rays no matter how many post baby pounds I’d gained. And I wasn’t looking too bad actually. It was just those few stubborn folds that refused to go flat no matter how many times I made it to the gym each week.

So let’s see. Where was I in my book. Opening folder: “Hug the Grass.” Okay, here it is. And we had… okay, so I ended with the John Keats’ poem. So, now I have to think up something else about that crazy rat. Hmmmm… I definitely need to pump some U2 in my earphones. Pause. Writing. “Uno, dos, tres, catorce…”

Okay, fingers to the keyboard, you can do this Renee. Get it together, at least a few more paragraphs before bed. Here goes:

“Well, the roses paid off Hon. I’d always heard that women in their thirties were better in bed because they know what they want. I guess it’s true. My woman knows what she wants,” Josh said with an enthusiastic smile on his face.
“Oh stop. I’m blushing. You’re still as cute and sweet as the boy I dated in high school. But, seriously, I had a great time too. I will love you for all of my life, even when our lives get psychotic and crazy. You know, like every day for the past seven years, ever since we had kids, come to think of it,” I said with a revelatory expression.
“Earlier this week, you chatted me about how you haven’t had much time to write with all of the stuff you’re doing for the kids, so give me a honey-do list today and I’ll try to help ya out some,” he offered in a compassionate voice.
“Thanks Babe. Do you have a whole notepad that I could write it all out on? Seriously, where do I even start? Why can’t the laundry wash itself? If only the garage could organize itself or the cluttered attic for that matter,” I complained.

Josh could tell that stress was overtaking me, so he grabbed me for a dragon-breath kiss. Then we began to kiss like we were teenagers again, except more skillfully and passionately. It was a reminder that we were still a sure thing. The chemistry was alive, even after seven years of dating and thirteen years of marriage.
After about ten minutes of blissful and uninterrupted snuggling, Josh retreated to the kitchen to mix up some pancakes with his own secret flair of apple sauce and baking powder for extra fluffiness. About fifteen minutes later, I joined him downstairs to get my coffee brewing. After a long night, I needed the caffeine rush more than ever. Within minutes of hearing that breakfast was ready, the wild ones joined us downstairs with their mouths wide open.

“Who wants whipped cream on theirs?” I asked, while carrying a fresh plate of Mickey Mouses and some bunnies, along with a few dinosaurs and lizards.
“I want a bunny please,” announced Katie in her sweet four-year-old trill.
“I want a T-Rex,” Grace asserted with a bit of six-year-old attitude thrown in.
“Well, this should do then,” Daddy said as he handed her a pancake that looked more like a hippo than a dinosaur.
“I’d like one Mickey Mouse and two lizards please,” Jake announced in his very mature seven-year-old voice.

Josh carried some fresh orange slices to the table in the hand-made ceramic bowl we’d bought a few months earlier at our church’s marriage retreat up in the mountains. Its pure black color made it simple and modern. After a few rounds of fresh squeezed orange juice, flavorful strawberries, and lots of creamy butter with warmed syrup, we spent the rest of the morning digesting quietly. I checked my email. Josh read the business section of our local Riverside newspaper while Katelyn read a Disney Princess book, Jake enjoyed the second volume of Ordinary Boy and Grace read one of her favorite Magic Treehouse books. It was surprisingly quiet in the house; even the rats were complying with the morning’s nonchalant agenda.

Labels: excerpt #9, Stream of Consciousness

“So how’s the nature essay going Renee?” Jadan asked while peeking over at my screen.
“Oh, I forgot to tell you. I finished it. Want to read it?” I asked enthusiastically.
“Of course, fire it on over to me. Here’s my email. I don’t think you have it.”
“Okay, I’ll just attach it as a Word doc. so the format doesn’t get all messed up,” I suggested.
“Lemme know when you get it,” I requested.
“Just a sec. My computer is smoking fast… so it should be here almost instantly. Yep, got it! Okay, let me check it out,” he said with an energetic look on his face.

Jadan sat reading for what seemed like an eternity. I didn’t usually get editorial feed-back from local acquaintances since I much preferred most editors’ harshness. At least, they just tell you like it is. I always hated when someone acted like something was better than it really was. Editors never did that, so it kept for an honest playing field. So, I distracted myself nervously with a few texts while Jadan surveyed the words upon his screen. And then, he reached over and gave me a hi-five. So, I hi-fived back, which felt kind of childish, but I think he liked my essay, which was positive. The least I could do was to return the praise. And it did feel good to be done with that piece.

“So you thought it was okay,” I inquired apprehensively.
“It totally rocks Renee. You have a way with words and it pulls out all this literary zeal from my core… takes me back to my general education stuff from college, the literature and all that writing I used to have to do just to get out of there with my B.A. It’s truly poetic,” he said smiling into my tired hazel eyes.
“Okay, for real, or are you just feeding me a line?” I asked.
“For real. And now, you get to start your book.”
“Oh, I already did. I finished this piece awhile ago, so I’m actually already on page four of my book. But I won’t show you that yet. It’s totally raw and unedited. But, I have a tentative title: Hug the Grass,” I said showing him the title. Then I shut my screen and packed up my stuff so I could join up with my family in a couple of hours after a plethora of quick errands.
“Are you heading home already?” he asked.
“Yep. I've got to make a few stops and grab some grub for dinner. Then, I’ll join Eric and the kids at home and see how Danielle is feeling. If you want us at seven for dinner, that should work, but I’m kind of looking into a vacation for next week, so I might be busy working out some of those details…” I said forgetting how quickly Jen’s cruise was approaching.
“A vacation? You’re planning one for next week or something?” he asked quizzically.
“Yes! I know it sounds crazy, but I was thinking of going on that cruise with Jen and Jared. I mean, Eric and I could really use a vacation. And since he teaches at the University he can check and post assignments online from abroad and my mom totally misses the kids. So I actually think it might work out. I just need to convince Eric first and get a hold of Jen’s itinerary so I can book the rooms on the right ship. But, it pretty much seems like a no-brainer. This way I can totally check on Jen and make sure Jared doesn’t throw her over-board. He’d never do something nuts like that with witnesses so close by,” I said like it was the most brilliant plan ever invented.
“Wow! That’s really crazy Renee,” he said wide-eyed.
“Yeah, I know it sounds nuts. But I started getting all jealous, feeling like it should be me going on the cruise instead of Jen. And then it hit me. I could surprise her and Eric too and it could actually turn out to be really fun… a double date of sorts.”
“Well, we could just cancel the double date this weekend and Molly and I could join you as well. A cruise does sound really fun and I could still do some of my trades from the ship too. Molly would love it. I could just put the tickets in a card for her to open after dinner,” he said enthusiastically.
“The more the merrier. Why the heck not,” I laughed.
“Okay, give me your number real quick so I can text you for some of the details,” he said pulling out his IPhone.
“Sure, just text me and then I’ll have yours as well,” I said pulling out my Evo.

I packed up my stuff as speedily as a pelican diving for fish. And I was off. I waved goodbye to Jadan and told him I’d email him the cruise itinerary and flight info once I obtained the goods from Jen. It did seem like a pretty off-the-wall plan. And it did have a few risks. First, Jen might end up being totally pissed at me. But she was my best friend after all. So a back-up plan was in order. I’d just show her the new Roxy sarong and flip flops I’d buy her later today and she’d adjust to the idea in no time. She’d probably even see it as an emotionally bonding trip: a triple date, how fun!

To convince Eric, I’d mention the tropical margaritas, the fun dancing, and the snorkeling, which will remind him of our honeymoon in Maui. Then, I’d tell him how I’d already emailed his boss and how I’d lined up babysitting with my mom. Then, he’ll race at me with a passionate kiss and love me even more than he already does. My back-up plan with him will be to push the early anniversary angle while reminding him of how we haven’t taken a week-long trip without the kids in years. Thirteen years is coming up and we missed going to England for our tenth… so he’ll totally go for it!

Labels: excerpt #7, Stream of Consciousness

Here I am finally... on my last paragraph. Ahhhh… to write like a dolphin. To glide into my last few words here and then to be done. Then I can email it off and head home to check on Danielle. I bet he took her to the beach to feed the seagulls after ice cream. So much for her sick-day at home. But, he’s so great with her. Oh, that reminds me to text Eric to get the other kids while they’re out and about. Okay... here goes, my final words about the dolphin:

To obey, to be, to give in. The simplistic joy of being. Of loving. Of hating. Of rejoicing. Of weeping. The dolphin jumps above the surface. She catches a ray of warmth upon her back. She smiles. She goes back under. She races into a new adventure. Ready for hope. Ready for love. Ready for the wind and sun and salt to splash into her eyes. And then, she gets eaten by a great white shark. And yet, she is renewed. Born again, into a stronger creature... to thrive... to grow... to overcome.

Okay, hit send. And it’s off… short and sweet and crazy, but Samantha is going to love it. She’ll eat up the ending too, I know it. Who’d have thought that the dolphin would die? But the truth is that we all die someday and then heaven awaits. So, for now this dolphin is going to die. But, in an upbeat way. She’s gonna be so pumped that I’m done with it. Yes. Thank you God! Finally. Okay, now, I’m off to my new folder titled “Book.” So pathetic though. The “Simon Says” thing isn’t working for me yet. Still gonna keep my baby title-less. But that’s okay. All good writers hit roadblocks from time to time. I’ve just got to put mine into four-wheel-drive. Here goes. I’m just gonna write what comes to mind. For now, I’ll call it this:

“Hug the Grass”

The wind blew in a friendly fashion leaving its welcoming spring scent on my face. I could smell the delights of freshly mowed grass and the local barbeques in the area. I was thrilled to return home for dinner, though not quite sure of what I was going to make yet. My tummy grumbled since all I’d eaten was a small bowl of Cheerios for breakfast and a light salad with chopped walnuts and Bleu Cheese dressing for lunch.

“Simon says hug the grass. Simon says hop up and down like a monkey! Touch your belly button…” Grace called out to her brother.
“Mom, Jake touched his belly button, but I didn’t say Simon Says, so he’s out. Tell him, it’s my turn,” Grace shouted into my ear while I chatted with my mom on my cell.
“Hey Mom, how’s it going? Yeah, we just left the park. I’m gonna make quesadillas for dinner. I would’ve preferred tacos, but I forgot to set out some ground beef. What are you up to? Sorry, hold on Mom for just a second,” I said in a winded voice.
“Kids, I’m on the phone with Grammy, so please use your inside voices,” I patiently pleaded.
“Thanks Mom, I’m back. So you were about to say…”
“I just took Lexi out for a walk and had a thirty minute conversation with Dorothy. I’ll be taking her to her eye appointment tomorrow in the city, so that means we’ll have to leave at seven since it takes us about fifty-five minutes to get to that part of town. There’s no traffic for the thirty minutes of winding desert roads out of Borrego Springs, but once we hit the highway, then you never know.”
“Well, I’m glad you’ve been out walking Lexi. She’s such a sweet puppy. And, that’s great that you’re helping Dorothy out. I bet she’s so lonely since her husband died. She seems really strong, like she’s going to pull through this.”
“She is really tough, so I’m sure she’ll be okay. But it’s hard to know how to help. I know I can only pray for her and try to be her friend,” she said in a tender voice.
“You’re doing a great job just by being her friend, Mom. Hey, if you feel like driving up after her appointment, you could swing by for an early dinner with us. You could even spend the night. I just bought some organic French Roast coffee that you’d love and we could make some cranberry scones in the morning.”
“Well, I’m way behind in our book-keeping, so I’ll have to postpone our next visit. Jack has been working so hard at the business and I hate to leave him alone,” she commented with concern.
“No worries Mom. I just miss you and hope we can hang out sometime soon. We just got home and I have to unload the munchkins. Can we chat tomorrow?” I pleaded.
“No problem Honey. I love you so much. Just give those kids a hug and a kiss from their Grammy. And tell them I love them,” she requested in a calm manner.
“Sure thing Mom. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Thanks for calling.”

I hung up the phone. And five minutes later, we arrived at our house and the chaos of the dinnertime hour kicked in with a fury. The dogs begged for their food. Jake and Grace argued about the Wii controllers while Katie changed out of her Snow White outfit and into her Cinderella dress.

Labels: excerpt #7, Stream of Consciousness

“Did you hear me mention how we both liked to play black-jack and how we used to ski together up at the lodge during the holidays? You seem a little bit distracted you know…” Jadan said with a concerned look.
“Oh, sorry. I am a bit distracted. But I totally do want to hear about your dad. I’m sorry to seem disinterested because I’m totally not. I just want to figure out a way to catch up with Jen and to finish this article sometime today,” I said in a stressed out tone.
“Seriously, no problem. I totally understand and… the truth is… even I want you to finish that damn article so you can start on your book. That’s what I can’t wait to read. It’s cool having an author as a friend. Maybe you’ll be famous someday and I can say that I know you,” he chuckled in a friendly manner.
“Oh sure, mock me why don’t you.”
“No, I can tell that you are the type who’s going to make it Renee, for sure,” he consoled.
“Well thank you Jadan. I’m gonna find a spot to park my stuff,” I told him.
“Hey, this spot’s open, right here next to me if you want it,” he motioned with his hand while moving some of his stuff out of the way.
“Okay, this does look pretty cozy, but I’m gonna wear my earphones so I don’t get too distracted sitting next to you. I do actually have to get some work done.”
“No, we’re cool. I’m gonna wear mine too. ACDC has been paused for way too long,” he sighed.
“Nice. I bet that’s totally calming while you roll the numbers in your head while offering your faithful clients such abundant monetary wisdom,” I joked while setting down my laptop and my drink.

I looked up and caught eyes with Jen. She smiled over at me and motioned like she’d be over in just a second. Jadan already had his tunes going and I had started mine as well. I turned on my laptop and tried to settle down so my mind could get to work. But there was no way I could get anything done until I’d chatted with Jen for a few minutes. Maybe if I got up to use the restroom she’d come over to meet me there. It was worth a shot.

I got up and scooted to the restroom. And I was right. Right after I did my business and opened the door, Jen was there waiting for me with a hug and an apology. We totally chatted and made up in less than three minutes. We were best friends again and I felt so relieved. I could finally get my article finished. The dolphin essay had to come to an end. Plus all that postmodern crap was starting to irritate me. I just wanted to get my check for the piece and move on to my own book, check or no check. My editor’s word was good enough for now. If I could get a few chapters done, she’d look it over and let me know if they could back it for the coming year or not.

Labels: book, Stream of Consciousness

“You surf? I never would have guessed,” he pondered in an astonished tone.
“Geez… I haven’t surfed in awhile cuz I’ve been busy with my life… family, writing, and everything else. But why would you think that I didn’t surf?” I asked defensively.
“I don’t know. You just don’t seem the type… I didn’t mean it in a bad way,” he dog paddled.
“Sure. I know, I’m just the boring looking one over here in my red sweater. Plays it safe. Cares for her three kids while the rest of the known planet cruises the world and skydives through the clouds,” I complained.
“No Renee, you’re totally reading me wrong. I seriously have to take that back. You look like a surfer. You're in love with the ocean like a surfer. I just didn’t read it right. I’m totally sorry,” he said begging for me to let him off the hook.
“Alright, I forgive you. Eric surfs too. Maybe we’ll meet you guys below the cliffs and start the double date out right,” I challenged.
“That sounds awesome. It takes me a bit longer to get back up the cliff since I can’t use my legs, but I’ll take you out in the water,” he laughed.
“Sounds like a fair bet. You’re on,” I said cracking up as if it had been a lot more hilarious than it actually was.
“You must have really needed to laugh Renee. You doing okay?” he asked.
“Yeah, I’m okay, just stressed out. I’m a bit worried about Jen. I feel like I shouldn’t gossip but she’s seriously about to make a bad choice and I’m not sure I can pull her out of this one.”
“What is it? Is it Jared?” he pondered.
“Yeah, he wants to take her on a cruise, next week,” I sighed.
“Well, just let her go. I’m sure he’s an okay guy. And she seems like a smart girl. I bet they’ll have a blast.”
“You would say that Jadan. Thanks for the moral support here. I mean really, it’s so me to spill my guts to you and expect some sober advice about my best friend,” I whined.
“What the heck is that supposed to mean, like I’m not a good guy? Now you’re against everyone? Seriously Renee. You are getting too involved in this. You should let your friend go on the cruise and have some fun. And you should have some fun too,” he huffed.
“I know you’re right. Deep down... I know it. Sorry... I didn’t mean to sound too dramatic. Seriously, I just care about Jen so much. She’s like a baby sister. She’s even closer to me than my real sister so I don’t want to see her get hurt,” I reminded him.
“Well, sometimes you have to put yourself out there, even get hurt a few times in order to find love. That’s how it worked with me and Mols,” he said with a tender voice.
“How did that go exactly? She hurt you or you hurt her?”
“Well, both kind of. She hurt me first and then it broke my heart and I wouldn’t give her a second chance… for a long time. Then, she convinced me that she was worth another chance. And finally I realized she was right.”
“So what convinced you to give Mols another chance?” I asked laughing at the nickname.
“Well our daughter is the one that got us back together.”
“Your daughter?” I said spitting frappuchino all down my face.
“Yeah, what makes you think I’m not allowed to have any kids,” he wondered.
“Well you never talked about her before. I just assumed you were on your own,” I said in a surprised tone.
“We found out she was pregnant before the accident. She was this huge blessing in disguise. I mean, I can still…well…you know. But I’m not sure if I’d be good for getting someone pregnant anymore. Okay, awkward. Anyways. All that to say, I do have a kid and she’s the best thing in my life. So Molly and I decided to give it another shot because she was worth it,” he said taking a deep breath like he was trying to stop himself from breaking down here in public.

We paused for a second. I didn’t know quite what to say and I didn’t want to cheapen my response just because it got uncomfortable.

“My gosh Jadan. That’s amazing. It’s cool how God sneaks in those surprises when we don’t even realize that he’s about to do something great. I mean, I have a few of those special blessings in my own life. My kids weren’t a surprise but God has helped me through lots of crazy storms,” I said with a gentle smile.

I am truly happy for Jadan. I mean how cool is that, for him to have a daughter even though he is in a wheelchair? Does that mean he and Molly can still have sex? And how strange that she is an old flame. I totally expected her to be a new fling. I guess she's some super-model from what Val told me the other day when she saw her stop in recently for a quick kiss. I wonder if he and Eric will get along. I don’t want Eric to feel out of place. But he’s totally good about interesting social settings. I love how my husband has a way with people. It must be his philosophical background, like he can read into people’s minds or brains somehow. Well anyways, dinner should be memorable.

“So, will Saturday night work for you and Eric,” he asked while rubbing his eyes with his right hand.
“I’m pretty sure. Like I said I’ll double check with our sitter and I’ll just have to play it by ear with how Danielle’s doing. By the way, what’s your daughter’s name? Will she be there?”
“No, she’ll be at Molly’s place with her sister. We decided not to live together again until we were sure about our relationship lasting. We didn’t want to confuse Ocean anymore than she already is.”
“Her name is Ocean?” I asked a bit surprised.
“Yes, it’s Ocean Kathleen,” he said throwing in a few confident winks.
“Well that’s original, I’ll give you that. And it’s really pretty too. I bet she’s a really sweet little girl.”
“She’s the prettiest little girl I’ve ever seen,” he said proudly.

Labels: Stream of Consciousness