Monday, July 06, 2009
Meet the Perfs
Me, a perfect parent? Yeah right. I'll take "pretty good" any day. But, you've seen them. You know exactly who I'm talking about. Meet the Perfs, the family that has it all together. Even when it's raining out, the sun shines over their freshly painted house. Their luxury cars are always spotless. Their clothes all look professionally dry-cleaned; even the baby's sleepers are pristine.
The burp cloth lies over Mrs. Perf's shoulder in case the baby decides to spit up, which never happens because she of course is perfect too. There's no grime on the stroller or on any of the kid paraphernalia. Classical music can be heard from the car as the Perfs pull up in the driveway.
As the front door inches open, the aroma of low-fat home-made apple pie fills the air. The interior of the home looks as if it was photographed for Martha Stewart's "Living" magazine. The house always smells clean, as if auto-sprayed with air freshener on an hourly basis. The family dog is a well-groomed purebred, who unsurprisingly maintained perfect attendance at obedience school.
The cupboards are abundantly stocked with organic and whole-grain foods. Neither soda nor other sugar-filled beverages are allowed in this house. Everything contains zero grams of trans fat and is preservative-free. Only half of a cup of 100% fruit juice enters the Perf children's bodies and brains. Even their baths are filled with organic soap and distilled water.
The Perf parents never yell at their children. They quietly and calmly repeat their words in order to show little sister Perfecta and big brother Perfecto that they need to stop stabbing each other with their dinner forks. The kids are encouraged to draw out their angry feelings on paper instead of getting upset at one another.
Perfecta and Perfecto are only allowed to watch twenty-two and a half minutes of television per day, so they must pick wisely. Likewise, their computer activities are limited to mathematical and grammatical learning games. No media or entertainment that might interfere with the delicate dance of their brains' receptors is allowed.
But, who has time for television anyways? They're on the go with their tofu granola bars in hand and their antioxidant-rich smoothies. First, it's off to viola lessons in the morning and then to French language lessons in the early afternoon. In between the academic insanity called "summer break," the kids are permitted a short visit to the park after being doused in 50 SPF sunscreen, covered in over-sized sun-hats, and handed a chilled water bottle.
How can the Perfs keep up with themselves? If you've ever tried to be a Perf, you know that it's impossible. You can't make everything perfect in an imperfect world. If you knew me, you'd know that I'm not as cynical as I sound. It's just that I've tried the "Perf" routine, but became incredibly exhausted after raising my first perfect child.
By the time our third child came along, we ditched the "Perf" costumes and settled into the relaxed and go-lucky "Smurf" image. Even Gargamel's cat lightened up once in awhile. The Perfs need to loosen up as well, just as I did before deciding to stop the maddening cycle of perfectionism in my own life.
I used to wash my kids' clothes every time they wore them, regardless of them being dirty or not. Though I still limit our sweets and junk-food intake as a whole, I let my kids indulge so that they can collect all the fun Happy Meal toys like their friends. Likewise, I try to keep my kids well hydrated, but realize that their bodies will catch up if a day goes by without eight cups of fluids. Also, I depend on the Flinstone vitamin to compensate for any fruits or veggies that we missed out on during the day. And, though still monitored, my kids' television consumption is no longer measured with an egg-timer.
Seeking to be the perfect parent or to maintain the perfect home is unrealistic and impractical. After all, who can keep up with that? We're no longer the Perfs; instead, we've tried to mellow out in a variety of ways so that we can enjoy a bit more of life by keeping things in perspective.
The burp cloth lies over Mrs. Perf's shoulder in case the baby decides to spit up, which never happens because she of course is perfect too. There's no grime on the stroller or on any of the kid paraphernalia. Classical music can be heard from the car as the Perfs pull up in the driveway.
As the front door inches open, the aroma of low-fat home-made apple pie fills the air. The interior of the home looks as if it was photographed for Martha Stewart's "Living" magazine. The house always smells clean, as if auto-sprayed with air freshener on an hourly basis. The family dog is a well-groomed purebred, who unsurprisingly maintained perfect attendance at obedience school.
The cupboards are abundantly stocked with organic and whole-grain foods. Neither soda nor other sugar-filled beverages are allowed in this house. Everything contains zero grams of trans fat and is preservative-free. Only half of a cup of 100% fruit juice enters the Perf children's bodies and brains. Even their baths are filled with organic soap and distilled water.
The Perf parents never yell at their children. They quietly and calmly repeat their words in order to show little sister Perfecta and big brother Perfecto that they need to stop stabbing each other with their dinner forks. The kids are encouraged to draw out their angry feelings on paper instead of getting upset at one another.
Perfecta and Perfecto are only allowed to watch twenty-two and a half minutes of television per day, so they must pick wisely. Likewise, their computer activities are limited to mathematical and grammatical learning games. No media or entertainment that might interfere with the delicate dance of their brains' receptors is allowed.
But, who has time for television anyways? They're on the go with their tofu granola bars in hand and their antioxidant-rich smoothies. First, it's off to viola lessons in the morning and then to French language lessons in the early afternoon. In between the academic insanity called "summer break," the kids are permitted a short visit to the park after being doused in 50 SPF sunscreen, covered in over-sized sun-hats, and handed a chilled water bottle.
How can the Perfs keep up with themselves? If you've ever tried to be a Perf, you know that it's impossible. You can't make everything perfect in an imperfect world. If you knew me, you'd know that I'm not as cynical as I sound. It's just that I've tried the "Perf" routine, but became incredibly exhausted after raising my first perfect child.
By the time our third child came along, we ditched the "Perf" costumes and settled into the relaxed and go-lucky "Smurf" image. Even Gargamel's cat lightened up once in awhile. The Perfs need to loosen up as well, just as I did before deciding to stop the maddening cycle of perfectionism in my own life.
I used to wash my kids' clothes every time they wore them, regardless of them being dirty or not. Though I still limit our sweets and junk-food intake as a whole, I let my kids indulge so that they can collect all the fun Happy Meal toys like their friends. Likewise, I try to keep my kids well hydrated, but realize that their bodies will catch up if a day goes by without eight cups of fluids. Also, I depend on the Flinstone vitamin to compensate for any fruits or veggies that we missed out on during the day. And, though still monitored, my kids' television consumption is no longer measured with an egg-timer.
Seeking to be the perfect parent or to maintain the perfect home is unrealistic and impractical. After all, who can keep up with that? We're no longer the Perfs; instead, we've tried to mellow out in a variety of ways so that we can enjoy a bit more of life by keeping things in perspective.
Labels: kids, parents, perfectionism
