Mariposa Kisses (aka Dianne's Blog)

I was recently cleaning my shower. While scrubbing various spots of shower scum, I felt like I was undertaking the nastiest job in the house. It feels even worse than cleaning the toilets because the residue is so stubborn. You put all of your weight into the creepy trails by using all of your strength with a seemingly effective cleaning agent, and still, there's some crud left on the surface. You're like, what is this stuff made of? Why doesn't it all disappear, ever? You get some of it, but portions of it never fade away. Then, the full-blown blob returns in full force the following week to frustrate you again. I'm convinced that moldy shower scum is from the devil.

Certain character flaws are like this as well. For me, my recurring struggle is with patience. Even though I try and try and try to be patient, it seems that impatience and frustration frequently rear their ugly heads instead. Even though I pray and center myself on God's truths in the morning, it's so hard to keep up the loving routine all day long. After the tenth or hundredth act of disobedience by one of my kids, I'm like a Jekyll and Hyde character. I still love them and they know it, but I look and sound like The Creature From the Black Lagoon.

Wouldn't it be nice in those instances if you could flee the choas and teleport to a peaceful island instead? Since we can't do that, we have to find ways to deal with our persistent character flaws. First, we have to admit that we can't be perfect. No matter how hard I try to keep a calm voice and administer my requests patiently, I know that I won't be able to keep my cool all the time. Even though we aim for self improvement, by admitting that we're going to fail on a daily basis, we minimize our feelings of defeat and discouragement. This helps by hearing another mom at the park who yells at her kid impatiently, and you realize, "Oh my gosh, I'm not crazy, I'm just a mom with three young kids."

Second, we have to set realistic goals for the day. One thing I've started doing is limiting my number of stops while out with my little ones in tow. I realize that my kids can't handle more than two stops without freaking out. So, if we've returned our video and stopped at the grocery store, it's pretty much time to go home. This can be disappointing because I still might need to pick up a new leash from Petco, but the point is, it will be less stressful to postpone it until the evening when I can go by myself.

A third way to minimize our flaws is to evaluate where our kids are at on a daily basis. Are they tired, sick, stressed out, or starving? Sometimes just addressing why our kids are acting so crazy helps us to respond less dramatically. Like, if you know your daughter is so tired that she can't even control herself anymore, it gives you the much-needed patience to deal with her disobedience. Also, if you can see that your son is so hungry he wants to eat his own hand off, you can put up with his incessant questioning, "Are we almost to McDonald's?" When you know your toddler isn't feeling well, it helps you to deal with her constant whining or non-stop requests to be held throughout the day. It doesn't eliminate the frustrations or the temptation to lose your cool, but it gives you a more reasonable perspective.

Of course you could do better, but you're not as bad as you think. It's good that we even care to improve. That's one way we know we're in love with our kids. We don't just want to be good parents, we want to be amazing parents. So, accept your limitations while you continue along the self-improvement journey. Remember to evaluate some of the practical stuff as well. By observing and applying a common sense approach for what everyone can handle for the day, the whole family feels less stressed and more patient as well.

Labels: family, kids, parents, patience