Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Learn to carry less
As I was walking out the door to take my littlest one to gymnastics, I was struck by a thought-provoking observation. She was holding my over-sized purse and announced, "Mom, I can't carry it; it's too heavy." So, I responded, "Well, just set it down then." It hit me that as a mom, I often do the same thing; I inevitably take on more than I can carry.
At first glance, this might seem insignificant; but, for some of you, it really hits home. My daughter was trying to be sweet by helping me beyond her actual ability. And even though it was making her uncomfortable, she still wanted to lift my bag to show that she could.
As moms, we frequently say, "Sure, I can cut out those 150 cowboy paper hats for the preschool," even though we're getting buried amongst the plethora of laundry piles flooding our hallways. But, this means we don't have time for that workout at the gym.
We say, "Sure, I'll be team-mom for my son's baseball team," even though we have 100s of emails flooding our in-boxes and piles of dishes attacking our kitchen sinks. This simple "Sure..." adds tons of extra tasks to our weekly list: snacks, the team banner, snack-bar, the team party, and the achievement certificates, etc. The result is very little free-time for that overdue hair-cut or manicure!
In addition to cut-outs and team-mom duty, we volunteer once a week at the elementary school so we can show our kids that we care. It feels worthwhile because we get to interact with their friends and the teachers as well. But, when do we get to catch up on the grocery shopping or the checkbook?
Granted, it's rewarding to offer our skills, especially for those of us who work primarily out of the home. For instance, I really enjoy translating documents into Spanish for a teacher who needs to communicate with a Hispanic student's non-English-speaking parents. But, it is one more item on my list, which means I don't get to do that "something else" for myself.
When we do all of these altruistic acts in the names of love and charity, we end up depleted and totally stressed out. Well, some of us...the ones who aren't SUPER MOM! And maybe you never feel tired or strung out, but speaking for the collective "mom" community, I think most of us are running on fumes.
I'm not saying that we shouldn't commit to any of these great services; it would disappoint me to miss out on some of these amazing opportunities. But, we should prioritize by picking a few helpful projects, rather than trying to do them all at the same time.
Some people are really good at saying, "No...I'm just too busy." Others are too sweet and nice all the time; they feel an obligation to say "YES" to everything. So my advice, as on most things, is to FIND BALANCE. Agree to help with the most significant things and people; learn to turn down some of the other requests.
Give yourself permission to let someone else serve this time. You can always sign up for snack-duty the following month or cut out the Valentine's hearts in February instead of turkeys in November. You should enjoy a hot bubble bath or that fabulous novel while it's nice and chilly out, NOW! Or bake that pumpkin pie this morning because you happen to have an extra forty minutes to do so.
Enjoy the upcoming holidays with a little bit more time for yourself. Share how you've learned to carry less by saying "No" to some things. We'd love to hear from you. :)
At first glance, this might seem insignificant; but, for some of you, it really hits home. My daughter was trying to be sweet by helping me beyond her actual ability. And even though it was making her uncomfortable, she still wanted to lift my bag to show that she could.
As moms, we frequently say, "Sure, I can cut out those 150 cowboy paper hats for the preschool," even though we're getting buried amongst the plethora of laundry piles flooding our hallways. But, this means we don't have time for that workout at the gym.
We say, "Sure, I'll be team-mom for my son's baseball team," even though we have 100s of emails flooding our in-boxes and piles of dishes attacking our kitchen sinks. This simple "Sure..." adds tons of extra tasks to our weekly list: snacks, the team banner, snack-bar, the team party, and the achievement certificates, etc. The result is very little free-time for that overdue hair-cut or manicure!
In addition to cut-outs and team-mom duty, we volunteer once a week at the elementary school so we can show our kids that we care. It feels worthwhile because we get to interact with their friends and the teachers as well. But, when do we get to catch up on the grocery shopping or the checkbook?
Granted, it's rewarding to offer our skills, especially for those of us who work primarily out of the home. For instance, I really enjoy translating documents into Spanish for a teacher who needs to communicate with a Hispanic student's non-English-speaking parents. But, it is one more item on my list, which means I don't get to do that "something else" for myself.
When we do all of these altruistic acts in the names of love and charity, we end up depleted and totally stressed out. Well, some of us...the ones who aren't SUPER MOM! And maybe you never feel tired or strung out, but speaking for the collective "mom" community, I think most of us are running on fumes.
I'm not saying that we shouldn't commit to any of these great services; it would disappoint me to miss out on some of these amazing opportunities. But, we should prioritize by picking a few helpful projects, rather than trying to do them all at the same time.
Some people are really good at saying, "No...I'm just too busy." Others are too sweet and nice all the time; they feel an obligation to say "YES" to everything. So my advice, as on most things, is to FIND BALANCE. Agree to help with the most significant things and people; learn to turn down some of the other requests.
Give yourself permission to let someone else serve this time. You can always sign up for snack-duty the following month or cut out the Valentine's hearts in February instead of turkeys in November. You should enjoy a hot bubble bath or that fabulous novel while it's nice and chilly out, NOW! Or bake that pumpkin pie this morning because you happen to have an extra forty minutes to do so.
Enjoy the upcoming holidays with a little bit more time for yourself. Share how you've learned to carry less by saying "No" to some things. We'd love to hear from you. :)
Labels: balance, family, kids, moms
