Tuesday, March 08, 2011
Excerpt #8, from pages 41-43 of "Stream of Consciousness"
“So how’s the nature essay going Renee?” Jadan asked while peeking over at my screen.
“Oh, I forgot to tell you. I finished it. Want to read it?” I asked enthusiastically.
“Of course, fire it on over to me. Here’s my email. I don’t think you have it.”
“Okay, I’ll just attach it as a Word doc. so the format doesn’t get all messed up,” I suggested.
“Lemme know when you get it,” I requested.
“Just a sec. My computer is smoking fast… so it should be here almost instantly. Yep, got it! Okay, let me check it out,” he said with an energetic look on his face.
Jadan sat reading for what seemed like an eternity. I didn’t usually get editorial feed-back from local acquaintances since I much preferred most editors’ harshness. At least, they just tell you like it is. I always hated when someone acted like something was better than it really was. Editors never did that, so it kept for an honest playing field. So, I distracted myself nervously with a few texts while Jadan surveyed the words upon his screen. And then, he reached over and gave me a hi-five. So, I hi-fived back, which felt kind of childish, but I think he liked my essay, which was positive. The least I could do was to return the praise. And it did feel good to be done with that piece.
“So you thought it was okay,” I inquired apprehensively.
“It totally rocks Renee. You have a way with words and it pulls out all this literary zeal from my core… takes me back to my general education stuff from college, the literature and all that writing I used to have to do just to get out of there with my B.A. It’s truly poetic,” he said smiling into my tired hazel eyes.
“Okay, for real, or are you just feeding me a line?” I asked.
“For real. And now, you get to start your book.”
“Oh, I already did. I finished this piece awhile ago, so I’m actually already on page four of my book. But I won’t show you that yet. It’s totally raw and unedited. But, I have a tentative title: Hug the Grass,” I said showing him the title. Then I shut my screen and packed up my stuff so I could join up with my family in a couple of hours after a plethora of quick errands.
“Are you heading home already?” he asked.
“Yep. I've got to make a few stops and grab some grub for dinner. Then, I’ll join Eric and the kids at home and see how Danielle is feeling. If you want us at seven for dinner, that should work, but I’m kind of looking into a vacation for next week, so I might be busy working out some of those details…” I said forgetting how quickly Jen’s cruise was approaching.
“A vacation? You’re planning one for next week or something?” he asked quizzically.
“Yes! I know it sounds crazy, but I was thinking of going on that cruise with Jen and Jared. I mean, Eric and I could really use a vacation. And since he teaches at the University he can check and post assignments online from abroad and my mom totally misses the kids. So I actually think it might work out. I just need to convince Eric first and get a hold of Jen’s itinerary so I can book the rooms on the right ship. But, it pretty much seems like a no-brainer. This way I can totally check on Jen and make sure Jared doesn’t throw her over-board. He’d never do something nuts like that with witnesses so close by,” I said like it was the most brilliant plan ever invented.
“Wow! That’s really crazy Renee,” he said wide-eyed.
“Yeah, I know it sounds nuts. But I started getting all jealous, feeling like it should be me going on the cruise instead of Jen. And then it hit me. I could surprise her and Eric too and it could actually turn out to be really fun… a double date of sorts.”
“Well, we could just cancel the double date this weekend and Molly and I could join you as well. A cruise does sound really fun and I could still do some of my trades from the ship too. Molly would love it. I could just put the tickets in a card for her to open after dinner,” he said enthusiastically.
“The more the merrier. Why the heck not,” I laughed.
“Okay, give me your number real quick so I can text you for some of the details,” he said pulling out his IPhone.
“Sure, just text me and then I’ll have yours as well,” I said pulling out my Evo.
I packed up my stuff as speedily as a pelican diving for fish. And I was off. I waved goodbye to Jadan and told him I’d email him the cruise itinerary and flight info once I obtained the goods from Jen. It did seem like a pretty off-the-wall plan. And it did have a few risks. First, Jen might end up being totally pissed at me. But she was my best friend after all. So a back-up plan was in order. I’d just show her the new Roxy sarong and flip flops I’d buy her later today and she’d adjust to the idea in no time. She’d probably even see it as an emotionally bonding trip: a triple date, how fun!
To convince Eric, I’d mention the tropical margaritas, the fun dancing, and the snorkeling, which will remind him of our honeymoon in Maui. Then, I’d tell him how I’d already emailed his boss and how I’d lined up babysitting with my mom. Then, he’ll race at me with a passionate kiss and love me even more than he already does. My back-up plan with him will be to push the early anniversary angle while reminding him of how we haven’t taken a week-long trip without the kids in years. Thirteen years is coming up and we missed going to England for our tenth… so he’ll totally go for it!
“Oh, I forgot to tell you. I finished it. Want to read it?” I asked enthusiastically.
“Of course, fire it on over to me. Here’s my email. I don’t think you have it.”
“Okay, I’ll just attach it as a Word doc. so the format doesn’t get all messed up,” I suggested.
“Lemme know when you get it,” I requested.
“Just a sec. My computer is smoking fast… so it should be here almost instantly. Yep, got it! Okay, let me check it out,” he said with an energetic look on his face.
Jadan sat reading for what seemed like an eternity. I didn’t usually get editorial feed-back from local acquaintances since I much preferred most editors’ harshness. At least, they just tell you like it is. I always hated when someone acted like something was better than it really was. Editors never did that, so it kept for an honest playing field. So, I distracted myself nervously with a few texts while Jadan surveyed the words upon his screen. And then, he reached over and gave me a hi-five. So, I hi-fived back, which felt kind of childish, but I think he liked my essay, which was positive. The least I could do was to return the praise. And it did feel good to be done with that piece.
“So you thought it was okay,” I inquired apprehensively.
“It totally rocks Renee. You have a way with words and it pulls out all this literary zeal from my core… takes me back to my general education stuff from college, the literature and all that writing I used to have to do just to get out of there with my B.A. It’s truly poetic,” he said smiling into my tired hazel eyes.
“Okay, for real, or are you just feeding me a line?” I asked.
“For real. And now, you get to start your book.”
“Oh, I already did. I finished this piece awhile ago, so I’m actually already on page four of my book. But I won’t show you that yet. It’s totally raw and unedited. But, I have a tentative title: Hug the Grass,” I said showing him the title. Then I shut my screen and packed up my stuff so I could join up with my family in a couple of hours after a plethora of quick errands.
“Are you heading home already?” he asked.
“Yep. I've got to make a few stops and grab some grub for dinner. Then, I’ll join Eric and the kids at home and see how Danielle is feeling. If you want us at seven for dinner, that should work, but I’m kind of looking into a vacation for next week, so I might be busy working out some of those details…” I said forgetting how quickly Jen’s cruise was approaching.
“A vacation? You’re planning one for next week or something?” he asked quizzically.
“Yes! I know it sounds crazy, but I was thinking of going on that cruise with Jen and Jared. I mean, Eric and I could really use a vacation. And since he teaches at the University he can check and post assignments online from abroad and my mom totally misses the kids. So I actually think it might work out. I just need to convince Eric first and get a hold of Jen’s itinerary so I can book the rooms on the right ship. But, it pretty much seems like a no-brainer. This way I can totally check on Jen and make sure Jared doesn’t throw her over-board. He’d never do something nuts like that with witnesses so close by,” I said like it was the most brilliant plan ever invented.
“Wow! That’s really crazy Renee,” he said wide-eyed.
“Yeah, I know it sounds nuts. But I started getting all jealous, feeling like it should be me going on the cruise instead of Jen. And then it hit me. I could surprise her and Eric too and it could actually turn out to be really fun… a double date of sorts.”
“Well, we could just cancel the double date this weekend and Molly and I could join you as well. A cruise does sound really fun and I could still do some of my trades from the ship too. Molly would love it. I could just put the tickets in a card for her to open after dinner,” he said enthusiastically.
“The more the merrier. Why the heck not,” I laughed.
“Okay, give me your number real quick so I can text you for some of the details,” he said pulling out his IPhone.
“Sure, just text me and then I’ll have yours as well,” I said pulling out my Evo.
I packed up my stuff as speedily as a pelican diving for fish. And I was off. I waved goodbye to Jadan and told him I’d email him the cruise itinerary and flight info once I obtained the goods from Jen. It did seem like a pretty off-the-wall plan. And it did have a few risks. First, Jen might end up being totally pissed at me. But she was my best friend after all. So a back-up plan was in order. I’d just show her the new Roxy sarong and flip flops I’d buy her later today and she’d adjust to the idea in no time. She’d probably even see it as an emotionally bonding trip: a triple date, how fun!
To convince Eric, I’d mention the tropical margaritas, the fun dancing, and the snorkeling, which will remind him of our honeymoon in Maui. Then, I’d tell him how I’d already emailed his boss and how I’d lined up babysitting with my mom. Then, he’ll race at me with a passionate kiss and love me even more than he already does. My back-up plan with him will be to push the early anniversary angle while reminding him of how we haven’t taken a week-long trip without the kids in years. Thirteen years is coming up and we missed going to England for our tenth… so he’ll totally go for it!
Labels: excerpt #7, Stream of Consciousness
Thursday, March 03, 2011
Excerpt #7, from pages 37/38 of "Stream of Consciousness"
Here I am finally... on my last paragraph. Ahhhh… to write like a dolphin. To glide into my last few words here and then to be done. Then I can email it off and head home to check on Danielle. I bet he took her to the beach to feed the seagulls after ice cream. So much for her sick-day at home. But, he’s so great with her. Oh, that reminds me to text Eric to get the other kids while they’re out and about. Okay... here goes, my final words about the dolphin:
To obey, to be, to give in. The simplistic joy of being. Of loving. Of hating. Of rejoicing. Of weeping. The dolphin jumps above the surface. She catches a ray of warmth upon her back. She smiles. She goes back under. She races into a new adventure. Ready for hope. Ready for love. Ready for the wind and sun and salt to splash into her eyes. And then, she gets eaten by a great white shark. And yet, she is renewed. Born again, into a stronger creature... to thrive... to grow... to overcome.
Okay, hit send. And it’s off… short and sweet and crazy, but Samantha is going to love it. She’ll eat up the ending too, I know it. Who’d have thought that the dolphin would die? But the truth is that we all die someday and then heaven awaits. So, for now this dolphin is going to die. But, in an upbeat way. She’s gonna be so pumped that I’m done with it. Yes. Thank you God! Finally. Okay, now, I’m off to my new folder titled “Book.” So pathetic though. The “Simon Says” thing isn’t working for me yet. Still gonna keep my baby title-less. But that’s okay. All good writers hit roadblocks from time to time. I’ve just got to put mine into four-wheel-drive. Here goes. I’m just gonna write what comes to mind. For now, I’ll call it this:
“Hug the Grass”
The wind blew in a friendly fashion leaving its welcoming spring scent on my face. I could smell the delights of freshly mowed grass and the local barbeques in the area. I was thrilled to return home for dinner, though not quite sure of what I was going to make yet. My tummy grumbled since all I’d eaten was a small bowl of Cheerios for breakfast and a light salad with chopped walnuts and Bleu Cheese dressing for lunch.
“Simon says hug the grass. Simon says hop up and down like a monkey! Touch your belly button…” Grace called out to her brother.
“Mom, Jake touched his belly button, but I didn’t say Simon Says, so he’s out. Tell him, it’s my turn,” Grace shouted into my ear while I chatted with my mom on my cell.
“Hey Mom, how’s it going? Yeah, we just left the park. I’m gonna make quesadillas for dinner. I would’ve preferred tacos, but I forgot to set out some ground beef. What are you up to? Sorry, hold on Mom for just a second,” I said in a winded voice.
“Kids, I’m on the phone with Grammy, so please use your inside voices,” I patiently pleaded.
“Thanks Mom, I’m back. So you were about to say…”
“I just took Lexi out for a walk and had a thirty minute conversation with Dorothy. I’ll be taking her to her eye appointment tomorrow in the city, so that means we’ll have to leave at seven since it takes us about fifty-five minutes to get to that part of town. There’s no traffic for the thirty minutes of winding desert roads out of Borrego Springs, but once we hit the highway, then you never know.”
“Well, I’m glad you’ve been out walking Lexi. She’s such a sweet puppy. And, that’s great that you’re helping Dorothy out. I bet she’s so lonely since her husband died. She seems really strong, like she’s going to pull through this.”
“She is really tough, so I’m sure she’ll be okay. But it’s hard to know how to help. I know I can only pray for her and try to be her friend,” she said in a tender voice.
“You’re doing a great job just by being her friend, Mom. Hey, if you feel like driving up after her appointment, you could swing by for an early dinner with us. You could even spend the night. I just bought some organic French Roast coffee that you’d love and we could make some cranberry scones in the morning.”
“Well, I’m way behind in our book-keeping, so I’ll have to postpone our next visit. Jack has been working so hard at the business and I hate to leave him alone,” she commented with concern.
“No worries Mom. I just miss you and hope we can hang out sometime soon. We just got home and I have to unload the munchkins. Can we chat tomorrow?” I pleaded.
“No problem Honey. I love you so much. Just give those kids a hug and a kiss from their Grammy. And tell them I love them,” she requested in a calm manner.
“Sure thing Mom. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Thanks for calling.”
I hung up the phone. And five minutes later, we arrived at our house and the chaos of the dinnertime hour kicked in with a fury. The dogs begged for their food. Jake and Grace argued about the Wii controllers while Katie changed out of her Snow White outfit and into her Cinderella dress.
To obey, to be, to give in. The simplistic joy of being. Of loving. Of hating. Of rejoicing. Of weeping. The dolphin jumps above the surface. She catches a ray of warmth upon her back. She smiles. She goes back under. She races into a new adventure. Ready for hope. Ready for love. Ready for the wind and sun and salt to splash into her eyes. And then, she gets eaten by a great white shark. And yet, she is renewed. Born again, into a stronger creature... to thrive... to grow... to overcome.
Okay, hit send. And it’s off… short and sweet and crazy, but Samantha is going to love it. She’ll eat up the ending too, I know it. Who’d have thought that the dolphin would die? But the truth is that we all die someday and then heaven awaits. So, for now this dolphin is going to die. But, in an upbeat way. She’s gonna be so pumped that I’m done with it. Yes. Thank you God! Finally. Okay, now, I’m off to my new folder titled “Book.” So pathetic though. The “Simon Says” thing isn’t working for me yet. Still gonna keep my baby title-less. But that’s okay. All good writers hit roadblocks from time to time. I’ve just got to put mine into four-wheel-drive. Here goes. I’m just gonna write what comes to mind. For now, I’ll call it this:
“Hug the Grass”
The wind blew in a friendly fashion leaving its welcoming spring scent on my face. I could smell the delights of freshly mowed grass and the local barbeques in the area. I was thrilled to return home for dinner, though not quite sure of what I was going to make yet. My tummy grumbled since all I’d eaten was a small bowl of Cheerios for breakfast and a light salad with chopped walnuts and Bleu Cheese dressing for lunch.
“Simon says hug the grass. Simon says hop up and down like a monkey! Touch your belly button…” Grace called out to her brother.
“Mom, Jake touched his belly button, but I didn’t say Simon Says, so he’s out. Tell him, it’s my turn,” Grace shouted into my ear while I chatted with my mom on my cell.
“Hey Mom, how’s it going? Yeah, we just left the park. I’m gonna make quesadillas for dinner. I would’ve preferred tacos, but I forgot to set out some ground beef. What are you up to? Sorry, hold on Mom for just a second,” I said in a winded voice.
“Kids, I’m on the phone with Grammy, so please use your inside voices,” I patiently pleaded.
“Thanks Mom, I’m back. So you were about to say…”
“I just took Lexi out for a walk and had a thirty minute conversation with Dorothy. I’ll be taking her to her eye appointment tomorrow in the city, so that means we’ll have to leave at seven since it takes us about fifty-five minutes to get to that part of town. There’s no traffic for the thirty minutes of winding desert roads out of Borrego Springs, but once we hit the highway, then you never know.”
“Well, I’m glad you’ve been out walking Lexi. She’s such a sweet puppy. And, that’s great that you’re helping Dorothy out. I bet she’s so lonely since her husband died. She seems really strong, like she’s going to pull through this.”
“She is really tough, so I’m sure she’ll be okay. But it’s hard to know how to help. I know I can only pray for her and try to be her friend,” she said in a tender voice.
“You’re doing a great job just by being her friend, Mom. Hey, if you feel like driving up after her appointment, you could swing by for an early dinner with us. You could even spend the night. I just bought some organic French Roast coffee that you’d love and we could make some cranberry scones in the morning.”
“Well, I’m way behind in our book-keeping, so I’ll have to postpone our next visit. Jack has been working so hard at the business and I hate to leave him alone,” she commented with concern.
“No worries Mom. I just miss you and hope we can hang out sometime soon. We just got home and I have to unload the munchkins. Can we chat tomorrow?” I pleaded.
“No problem Honey. I love you so much. Just give those kids a hug and a kiss from their Grammy. And tell them I love them,” she requested in a calm manner.
“Sure thing Mom. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Thanks for calling.”
I hung up the phone. And five minutes later, we arrived at our house and the chaos of the dinnertime hour kicked in with a fury. The dogs begged for their food. Jake and Grace argued about the Wii controllers while Katie changed out of her Snow White outfit and into her Cinderella dress.
Labels: excerpt #7, Stream of Consciousness
