Friday, May 22, 2009
Opposites Attract
The well-known adage "Opposites Attract" is no stranger to marriage partners.
Isn't it incongruous that two people can be so different and yet be called to stay
married to one another forever? My husband and I have come to realize that our
differences are actually some of our greatest strengths as a couple. Though this has been
hard to grasp, since we're both unrelentingly stubborn, we have learned to sing a
beautiful melody together over the years.
The funny differences are seen in our daily lives. I drink coffee, my husband drinks tea.
I love red wine, my husband loves white. I like my meat cooked well-done. My husband
loves his meat while it's still moo-ing. My husband insists upon reading the instruction
manual from front to back while I prefer just giving it a go myself. Interestingly
though, I prefer to ask for directions, while my husband likes to use his own internal
GPS system.
For some couples, one person likes their food bland while the other likes it spicy. One
enjoys jazz music, while the other likes classical. The wife loves blue and the husband
loves red. We're just different and we realized it almost the instant that the honeymoon
ended.
Some of the more fatal differences in a marriage deal with varying communication or
conflict resolution styles. One spouse tends to be vocal while the other closes up into
the fetal position, holding onto his or her feelings. One spouse yells to express his or
her emotions while the other punishes silently. The wife might love quality time; the
husband just wants physical touch. One of you is extroverted but the other is more
introverted.
It can feel like you're missing each other at times. You might even wonder why God put
the two of you together. You think "How can something this difficult be God's
will?" The truth is, God knew about your marriage before you were even born and He
doesn't make mistakes.
The Bible says "...a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,
and they will become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). Two independent people come together
to be united as one. The math of marriage is tricky stuff because one plus one equals one
in God's economy. You can spend a lifetime trying to alter the math, but it will be like
trying to defy gravity.
Is it possible for two opposite people to stay married? Absolutely. How do I know this?
I've experienced it in my own marriage and have felt God's hand upon us as a couple and
as individuals. Seeing God's plan helps us when we are lacking perspective.
God's word tells us, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper
suitable for him" (Genesis 2:18). In the New Testament, we are encouraged by Paul's
words: "I can do everything through (Christ) who gives me strength"
(Philippians 4:13).
Additionally, Paul talks about our citizenship being from heaven. The world tells us to
trade in our spouse for a new one, but that's not what citizens of heaven do. Instead, we
are called to "...press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called
(us) heavenward in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 3:14).
Our differences can be sources of encouragement and empowerment. We can cling together
knowing that God's plan is bigger than our own. Where one is weak, the other is strong.
If the wife is good with money and the husband struggles with over-spending, he should
humbly defer to her financial wisdom. If the husband maintains perspective during
stressful situations, while the wife is a perpetual worrier, she should entrust herself
to his serenity. The two become one, remember? Cling together.
Marriage is like a beautiful butterfly floating in the wind. There are so many fantastic
sights to be seen and songs to be heard. But, if the caterpillar resists the
transformation he must undergo in order to become a butterfly, he will never experience
the wonders beyond that process.
When we tenaciously cling to our way as the best or only way, we forfeit the joy of
learning from our spouse. Many times my spouse and I have gotten into meaningless
arguments that could have been avoided if we had more readily submitted to each other and
to the Lord. But, after eleven years of marriage, we have begun to see one another's
perspectives and strengths. Instead of acting like two bullies in a boxing ring, we're
learning to dance together like two coordinated hummingbirds.
Couples see right away that marriage is hard work, but you too can experience the joys of
marriage. It begins by being humble with each other. Likewise it is integral that you two
spend time together in prayer and in God's word. If possible, find an experienced mentor
couple who can share wisdom from their own failures and triumphs.
If you model these actions, your marriage will not instantly become great, but you will
be able to hear God's voice and to obey Him. Additionally, as you defer to the Lord as a
couple, you will begin to experience His peace as a married couple, not just as
individuals.
The Lord is so clever when He destines two souls to be together. His funny math adds up,
while it defies our empirical conclusion. In God's wisdom, you are with the right
partner. It might be difficult to believe that reality at times, but over the years, you
will see that God knew what He was doing by putting the two of you together. Try taking
God at His word and see how it plays out. He's pretty good at being right.
Labels: God, marriage, opposites
