Mariposa Kisses (aka Dianne's Blog)

So, if you're an avid golfer like I used to be, you're familiar with the meaning of a mulligan. You know that it's when you hit the ball from the tee and it sucks so badly that you get to have a do-over. A clean slate. Total forgiveness this one time. Well, as life so frequently applies to some sort of golf metaphor, mine did as such earlier this evening.

I was WAITING for my husband to get home from work. I'd done my fair share of meal preps, taxi-cab-kid-pick-ups, volunteering in the classroom, and had also given a fair share of homework guidance amongst a plethora of other tasks. So, I was ready for my break, a chance to sprint off to the gym with U2 blaring way too loud from my headphones.

So, why was Hubby about an hour late? For a totally good reason, of course: 2 dozen pink-tea colored roses, a bottle of fabulous Merlot, a package of tasty chicken raviolis accompanied by an amazing pesto sauce, and a spa gift card inside of a card... that said, "Each small kindness, like a seed, grows tall in memory...THANK YOU!" Then my husband added to the generic card's message, "...for the greatest kindness of all--being my wife. I love you!"

So, how did I respond? Like a total idiot. I didn't seem especially thankful. I was a bit miffed that I didn't get off to the gym when I'd intended to... that I was now going to feel starved after my three mile run and 30 minute weight circuit. My eyes expressed a bit of apprehension about the money as well.

The money that my husband spent on "me" for one of our normal stay-at-home Tuesday date-nights, which contrasted financially to our standard one dollar Redbox movie rentals. I am our resident accountant after all. My name-tag says, "Budget-master." Doesn't he remember that?

And then, it hit me. "What kind of an idiot acts stressed out about getting these lovely gifts and such kindhearted servant-hood?" An idiot like myself...that's who! But, I'm sure you can relate about certain acts of lameness, right? Tell me I'm not totally alone!

It goes to show that after twelve point five years of marriage, my husband is still a charming prince and I have turned into a bit of a practical nut-ball. In my head, I'm figuring out the other things we "needed" to buy for the month. I'm planning ahead to one of our kid's upcoming birthday parties, thinking, "OK, how are we going to pay for this and that?"

But, here's the thing: when you are blessed to have a loving and faithful spouse, you should accept their gifts even when they seem a bit impractical. You certainly don't question them like I did. And you should act blissfully thankful no matter how many dumb neurons fire off inside of your dense brain cavity.

But we all do it, from time to time. We take our spouse for granted. We forget that we married Mr. Wonderful. Our lives can so easily become about ritual, kid-management, tasks, appointments, bills, and to-do lists. Sometimes, the mundane simply takes over and we literally forget what marriage is. We act like it is a mere business partnership, when it needs to be about so much more: romance, companionship, and laughter.

I married someone wonderful, handsome, and brilliant. Of course, I frequently minimize these truths when I want to win an argument or put my own spin on things. But truth be told, being an idiot tonight acted as an important reminder of the amazing blessing staring me in the face every single day.

I'm so lucky to have my husband as my partner for my whole life, even when life is hard. Even when our communication sucks at times. Even when we don't feel emotionally intertwined and addicted to one another as Hollywood falsely portrays its average love relationship to be.

So I'm actually glad I was a mental-case tonight. It makes me want to work harder to be even more in love with my husband. He certainly is the first to admit his own list of imperfections, but tonight he came pretty d--n close to perfect... and I was too blind to see it. So I desire to be more patient, caring, and appreciative of him.

If you have a loved one who is doing his best to show you that he loves you, accept his efforts. Say, "Thank you" and "I love you" and "You are amazing" even if it's not the exact thing you were thinking of for tonight, this week, or this month. We should all remember that we are lucky to be loved. And we are blessed to have someone else to love as well.

Keeping it real. Share your thoughts about love and marriage. We'd love to hear from you. ;)

Labels: humor, idiot, marriage, spouse

This is going to be a very short post. Mainly, I just want to say, DON'T GIVE UP! Sometimes, life just feels so full of burdens. Amidst the never-ending tasks, the plethora of bills, our overloaded schedules, and a sometimes amazingly stupid line-up of arguments... we can just feel worn out.

While giving up might feel like the easiest option, DON'T DO IT! Be the strong person that you know you are... even amidst the trials. Keep working hard! Keep believing! Keep striving for greatness! And make sure to laugh more by doing silly things! Try rocking out to U2 in the middle of your kitchen when you really feel like taking a nap instead. You'll laugh if you dance like no-one's watching.

Today I let my four-year-old paint my nails again, even though she did them like five times yesterday. At least they're as strong as cement as a result... and super sparkly. As she "gooped" the polish on like it was Elmer's glue, I began to laugh like I was going to snort out juicy boogers. She got mad at me for chuckling so intensely, but I couldn't help it; tears were flooding down my face.

Even as I write this post, I have to decide to get over a frustrating argument that I just had with my spouse. Do I stay grumpy at him or do I think up a funny way to make us both laugh? When you both feel super stressed out and tired, even the littlest things can turn into unreasonable ordeals. I think I should just smash his face with a purple cupcake from my kitchen; perhaps, I'll just have to tickle him to death instead. Either way, it will end our ridiculous disagreement!

When you get through the storm, whatever yours is, you'll find the rainbow at the end. Try to remember that the sun always shines; it just gets covered up by the clouds sometimes. So, don't forget to keep things in perspective no matter what you face today. Just decide that you WON'T GIVE UP! Not today and not tomorrow and not the next day or even the day after that! Just keeping it real!

Share what makes you laugh hysterically. We'd love to hear from you. :)

Labels: endurance, faith, family, marriage

The well-known adage "Opposites Attract" is no stranger to marriage partners.
Isn't it incongruous that two people can be so different and yet be called to stay
married to one another forever? My husband and I have come to realize that our
differences are actually some of our greatest strengths as a couple. Though this has been
hard to grasp, since we're both unrelentingly stubborn, we have learned to sing a
beautiful melody together over the years.

The funny differences are seen in our daily lives. I drink coffee, my husband drinks tea.
I love red wine, my husband loves white. I like my meat cooked well-done. My husband
loves his meat while it's still moo-ing. My husband insists upon reading the instruction
manual from front to back while I prefer just giving it a go myself. Interestingly
though, I prefer to ask for directions, while my husband likes to use his own internal
GPS system.

For some couples, one person likes their food bland while the other likes it spicy. One
enjoys jazz music, while the other likes classical. The wife loves blue and the husband
loves red. We're just different and we realized it almost the instant that the honeymoon
ended.

Some of the more fatal differences in a marriage deal with varying communication or
conflict resolution styles. One spouse tends to be vocal while the other closes up into
the fetal position, holding onto his or her feelings. One spouse yells to express his or
her emotions while the other punishes silently. The wife might love quality time; the
husband just wants physical touch. One of you is extroverted but the other is more
introverted.

It can feel like you're missing each other at times. You might even wonder why God put
the two of you together. You think "How can something this difficult be God's
will?" The truth is, God knew about your marriage before you were even born and He
doesn't make mistakes.

The Bible says "...a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,
and they will become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). Two independent people come together
to be united as one. The math of marriage is tricky stuff because one plus one equals one
in God's economy. You can spend a lifetime trying to alter the math, but it will be like
trying to defy gravity.

Is it possible for two opposite people to stay married? Absolutely. How do I know this?
I've experienced it in my own marriage and have felt God's hand upon us as a couple and
as individuals. Seeing God's plan helps us when we are lacking perspective.

God's word tells us, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper
suitable for him" (Genesis 2:18). In the New Testament, we are encouraged by Paul's
words: "I can do everything through (Christ) who gives me strength"
(Philippians 4:13).

Additionally, Paul talks about our citizenship being from heaven. The world tells us to
trade in our spouse for a new one, but that's not what citizens of heaven do. Instead, we
are called to "...press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called
(us) heavenward in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 3:14).

Our differences can be sources of encouragement and empowerment. We can cling together
knowing that God's plan is bigger than our own. Where one is weak, the other is strong.
If the wife is good with money and the husband struggles with over-spending, he should
humbly defer to her financial wisdom. If the husband maintains perspective during
stressful situations, while the wife is a perpetual worrier, she should entrust herself
to his serenity. The two become one, remember? Cling together.

Marriage is like a beautiful butterfly floating in the wind. There are so many fantastic
sights to be seen and songs to be heard. But, if the caterpillar resists the
transformation he must undergo in order to become a butterfly, he will never experience
the wonders beyond that process.

When we tenaciously cling to our way as the best or only way, we forfeit the joy of
learning from our spouse. Many times my spouse and I have gotten into meaningless
arguments that could have been avoided if we had more readily submitted to each other and
to the Lord. But, after eleven years of marriage, we have begun to see one another's
perspectives and strengths. Instead of acting like two bullies in a boxing ring, we're
learning to dance together like two coordinated hummingbirds.

Couples see right away that marriage is hard work, but you too can experience the joys of
marriage. It begins by being humble with each other. Likewise it is integral that you two
spend time together in prayer and in God's word. If possible, find an experienced mentor
couple who can share wisdom from their own failures and triumphs.

If you model these actions, your marriage will not instantly become great, but you will
be able to hear God's voice and to obey Him. Additionally, as you defer to the Lord as a
couple, you will begin to experience His peace as a married couple, not just as
individuals.

The Lord is so clever when He destines two souls to be together. His funny math adds up,
while it defies our empirical conclusion. In God's wisdom, you are with the right
partner. It might be difficult to believe that reality at times, but over the years, you
will see that God knew what He was doing by putting the two of you together. Try taking
God at His word and see how it plays out. He's pretty good at being right.

Labels: God, marriage, opposites

I love my silver James Avery ring with a cross carved out of the middle of it. It is
particularly special to me because of the inscription on the inside, which states my
name, my husband's name, and ten years, celebrating our marriage commitment. After last
summer's idyllic and warm-weathered retreat to the Newport Marriott Villas, I noticed my
ring had taken some beatings. Principally, I noticed that its brief visits to the
chlorinated jacuzzi had taken their toll. My beloved ring became tarnished and unsightly.
Upon noticing its shocking blemishes, I decided to store it away in a special jewelry
box.

The months went by and though I intended to call the company to get a replacement or a
special cloth to try to soothe over its newly gained imperfections, I did not. Instead, I
wore other rings and kept in my mind that eventually I would make the call for its repair
or its replacement. Then, after months of its absence on my left middle finger, I decided
I would just wear it anyways, defects and all. It looked a little bit silly next to my
platinum wedding band and diamond. However, I firmly decided that I no longer wanted to
go without it on my hand and stayed the course in wearing the tarnished piece.

The most amazing thing resulted. From life's daily routine as a mom and a wife, my ring
perked up. Life's daily tasks took care of the blemishes on my tattered ring. It seems
that the routine of doing the dishes, washing the laundry, and daily interacting with my
husband and three children had polished the ring back to its shiny and glorious state. I
was astonished to look one day and realize the black tarnished material had not only
dissipated but that it had disappeared altogether.

Marriage is like my ring. Sometimes without even knowing it, we put our marriage in
danger. We distance ourselves or we go too many months without talking deeply or dating
with romance, and before we know it, our hearts are tarnished. We're surprised by the
change and we feel the heaviness of the black stain hanging over us. But, there is hope.
Marriages, just like my ring are made of good stuff. They too can make a come-back, but
you have to stick with your marriage. You can't give up even when it feels like a
replacement is the easiest solution.

I'm so glad I kept my old ring, in lieu of exchanging it for a better and shinier one. It
would have been easy to do because the company backs their products with a 100%
satisfaction guaranteed policy. But it was refreshing to me to see that as I have stuck
with my ring, I have also pressed on in my marriage over the past eleven years.
Sometimes, we have felt like giving up as our wills have collided and our rough edges
have battled. Likewise, our differences have evidenced themselves in our cacophonous
parenting styles.

The compass that has held us steady to the course has been our common faith in Jesus
Christ. This is why we chose the cross in the middle of our anniversary rings. In our own
strength, we are weak and frail. With our own might, we can't navigate the storms. But,
as the Apostle Paul victoriously proclaimed, "I can do ALL things through Christ who
strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13). You can too if you put Christ in the middle.

Labels: marriage, moms, struggles