Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Teaching Our Kids Responsibility
It's integral that we teach our kids to behave responsibly. One element of that includes good follow-through. When our kids receive gifts, we should encourage them to write thank-you notes themselves. By letting them pick out the card or by designing their own, they are thinking through who bought them each particular gift. If they are young, you may choose to write most of the thank-yous while letting them pick out a couple of special ones. This trains them to form the habit from an early age.
Another way of instilling responsibility in our children is by requiring our kids to clean up after themselves. When they dump out multiple bins of Legos, they make a huge mess. By making them pile the Legos back in at the end of the day, it shows them that they are accountable for doing their part. It will make them think twice about what kind of mess they make the following day. Is she really going to make all of those puzzles or is it worth it to just take out the one she'll actually use?
Holding our kids accountable is tough work. We want to jump in there and clean the mess up ourselves. It's quicker when we do it and more tidy. But, by letting our kids do it themselves, it will prepare them for the future. When your son moves in to his first apartment or college dorm, you won't be there to pick up his messes. The good habits you teach him now will follow him into adulthood. Once your son is married, his wife will be especially thankful.
The wise spending of money is something worth passing on to our kids as well. When my son recently got six dollars in a birthday card, we discussed how he could spend it. I told him that he could get six one-dollar items or that he could use the whole amount for one or two different gadgets. He decided that six one-dollar toys would be the best way to invest his money. He's learning how to be financially autonomous in a controlled environment.
Our kids also get to purchase a reasonably priced toy (in the $5-$10 range) at the completion of their chore charts, which takes anywhere from one to two months, depending on their levels of motivation. This teaches our kids a practical work ethic about getting rewarded if they choose to complete certain tasks. In the real world, if you go above and beyond, you frequently get a raise or a promotion as well.
There's no question that our kids should bask in the fantasy world of make-believe and play. Their main objective is to have fun and to eat tasty foods. However, it is smart as parents to throw in some real life lessons about responsibility along the way. We can even read them books that teach these life concepts, such as the Bible, or other religious or ethical texts. My family has enjoyed reading books about Abraham Lincoln, the Mayo Brothers, and Louis Pasteur. In all four of these men, our kids can observe how their perseverance and hard work paid off.
Another way of instilling responsibility in our children is by requiring our kids to clean up after themselves. When they dump out multiple bins of Legos, they make a huge mess. By making them pile the Legos back in at the end of the day, it shows them that they are accountable for doing their part. It will make them think twice about what kind of mess they make the following day. Is she really going to make all of those puzzles or is it worth it to just take out the one she'll actually use?
Holding our kids accountable is tough work. We want to jump in there and clean the mess up ourselves. It's quicker when we do it and more tidy. But, by letting our kids do it themselves, it will prepare them for the future. When your son moves in to his first apartment or college dorm, you won't be there to pick up his messes. The good habits you teach him now will follow him into adulthood. Once your son is married, his wife will be especially thankful.
The wise spending of money is something worth passing on to our kids as well. When my son recently got six dollars in a birthday card, we discussed how he could spend it. I told him that he could get six one-dollar items or that he could use the whole amount for one or two different gadgets. He decided that six one-dollar toys would be the best way to invest his money. He's learning how to be financially autonomous in a controlled environment.
Our kids also get to purchase a reasonably priced toy (in the $5-$10 range) at the completion of their chore charts, which takes anywhere from one to two months, depending on their levels of motivation. This teaches our kids a practical work ethic about getting rewarded if they choose to complete certain tasks. In the real world, if you go above and beyond, you frequently get a raise or a promotion as well.
There's no question that our kids should bask in the fantasy world of make-believe and play. Their main objective is to have fun and to eat tasty foods. However, it is smart as parents to throw in some real life lessons about responsibility along the way. We can even read them books that teach these life concepts, such as the Bible, or other religious or ethical texts. My family has enjoyed reading books about Abraham Lincoln, the Mayo Brothers, and Louis Pasteur. In all four of these men, our kids can observe how their perseverance and hard work paid off.
Labels: hard work, kids, parents, responsibility
Friday, May 08, 2009
The Binky Drug
As parents, we try to promote responsibility in our kids. Accordingly, we do our best to raise them with the necessary skills to make good life choices. So, what are these good and healthy choices? The list includes several positive decisions including who they hang out with, the food they eat, the things they watch, and the clothes they wear. Likewise, we enforce good academic and social habits and standards. It matters how they view their academic lives and how they view friendships and extracurricular activities. Additionally, we want our kids to practice good hygiene, and to clean their rooms. For many of us, one of our greatest forms of influence is a religiously anchored belief system, which we pass on to them as well.
In contrast to the many positive things that we promote, there are negative behaviors or vices that we aim to shape them toward avoiding. Part of this protocol means making them give up things that are bad for them. We try to limit their sugar and fat intake, especially in light of the ever-increasing rate of child obesity. We dissuade them from the obvious vices such as smoking, drugs, alcohol, and premarital or underage sexual exposure. But, what about some of the less obvious harmful influences?
One of the vices my daughter has been dealing with is a horrific and painstaking addiction. She's head deep in a life-altering binky addiction. Our efforts at removing the binky have been futile and to avoid insanity, we've decided that we'll just wait until she's three. In fact, we were recently down to one binky somehow, since all others had vanished along with all of those missing socks. We even reverted to the ice binky to provide comfort, but it was to no avail, because it's much bigger and more awkward than the others. In a final wave of despair, my husband drove out to the store late at night and bought two new ones. Seeing our daughter suffer was like watching someone being tortured. It was even harder given her adorable and cuddly nature. Watching those huge crocodile tears was worse than labor, okay maybe not, but pretty darn tough.
It's that way in life. Sometimes we cave in to our children's wishes. This binky addiction is nothing more than a future dental nightmare. But, there are much deeper issues as our kids get older. How do our kids learn the good and bad habits that will likely determine a huge part of their future? Primarily, they learn from watching us. They see what we eat; they listen to how we talk. They fight how we fight. They value what we value. Therefore, based on these realities, it is important that we evaluate our own lives as parents. Are we being the people that we want them to emulate? Are we making good choices: eating well, exercising, prioritizing work versus relaxation? Do we form strong friendships with others in our community? Are we accepting of others, forgiving easily? Is it time we gave up a life-altering vice: alcoholism, a drug addiction, or a problem with gambling or overspending? Maybe it's more subtle than that, we just don't care about other people including ourselves and it shows in how we look and in how we address the world. Your kids are watching you and they see everything. If you're great, your kids will likely be great. If you're very unimpressive, your kids will likely reflect that as well.
If our goal is to be our kids' best friend, then we will make certain choices that are easier for now, but we will pay for those choices later. If we let our kids get away with negative choices as kids, then they will assume it's reasonable to do so as young adults. If we don't require them to eat well-balanced meals as children, they may not desire to do any differently later on. If we allow our children to watch shows that advocate hate and violence, it is likely that they will emulate those traits in their life choices. For example, they will pick the friends who play those same games or the children who watch those same types of videos. But, you have to think about the long-haul. Do you want your kid to be popular or ethical? Do you want your kid to be temporarily happy by eating whatever she wants or to be healthy by limiting her sweets?
An area of importance that we must consider is our take on our kids' education. If we value it, then it will be evident by the way that we make homework a priority. Likewise, our thoughts about the school, the principals, and the teachers will be passed on to our kids. If we speak positively about the programs at the school and the efforts of the faculty and personnel, our kids will value the system in general and know that it is worth being a part of. If, however, we talk about school by simply complaining and gossiping without diving in to be a part of the solutions, our kids will pick up on that negativity as well.
There are so many things to do and even more not to do, that it can truly be overwhelming. By taking some time to reflect on these questions about who we are ourselves and about who we want our kids to be, we stand the best chance of all. Since we all care so much about our kids and our families, it is well-worth the time of setting up reasonable boundaries for our kids, requiring them to make good choices. Once they are out on their own, it will ultimately be up to them. By living a life of excellence in front of them, they will likely model that when it comes time to decide for themselves what kind of people they want to be.
In contrast to the many positive things that we promote, there are negative behaviors or vices that we aim to shape them toward avoiding. Part of this protocol means making them give up things that are bad for them. We try to limit their sugar and fat intake, especially in light of the ever-increasing rate of child obesity. We dissuade them from the obvious vices such as smoking, drugs, alcohol, and premarital or underage sexual exposure. But, what about some of the less obvious harmful influences?
One of the vices my daughter has been dealing with is a horrific and painstaking addiction. She's head deep in a life-altering binky addiction. Our efforts at removing the binky have been futile and to avoid insanity, we've decided that we'll just wait until she's three. In fact, we were recently down to one binky somehow, since all others had vanished along with all of those missing socks. We even reverted to the ice binky to provide comfort, but it was to no avail, because it's much bigger and more awkward than the others. In a final wave of despair, my husband drove out to the store late at night and bought two new ones. Seeing our daughter suffer was like watching someone being tortured. It was even harder given her adorable and cuddly nature. Watching those huge crocodile tears was worse than labor, okay maybe not, but pretty darn tough.
It's that way in life. Sometimes we cave in to our children's wishes. This binky addiction is nothing more than a future dental nightmare. But, there are much deeper issues as our kids get older. How do our kids learn the good and bad habits that will likely determine a huge part of their future? Primarily, they learn from watching us. They see what we eat; they listen to how we talk. They fight how we fight. They value what we value. Therefore, based on these realities, it is important that we evaluate our own lives as parents. Are we being the people that we want them to emulate? Are we making good choices: eating well, exercising, prioritizing work versus relaxation? Do we form strong friendships with others in our community? Are we accepting of others, forgiving easily? Is it time we gave up a life-altering vice: alcoholism, a drug addiction, or a problem with gambling or overspending? Maybe it's more subtle than that, we just don't care about other people including ourselves and it shows in how we look and in how we address the world. Your kids are watching you and they see everything. If you're great, your kids will likely be great. If you're very unimpressive, your kids will likely reflect that as well.
If our goal is to be our kids' best friend, then we will make certain choices that are easier for now, but we will pay for those choices later. If we let our kids get away with negative choices as kids, then they will assume it's reasonable to do so as young adults. If we don't require them to eat well-balanced meals as children, they may not desire to do any differently later on. If we allow our children to watch shows that advocate hate and violence, it is likely that they will emulate those traits in their life choices. For example, they will pick the friends who play those same games or the children who watch those same types of videos. But, you have to think about the long-haul. Do you want your kid to be popular or ethical? Do you want your kid to be temporarily happy by eating whatever she wants or to be healthy by limiting her sweets?
An area of importance that we must consider is our take on our kids' education. If we value it, then it will be evident by the way that we make homework a priority. Likewise, our thoughts about the school, the principals, and the teachers will be passed on to our kids. If we speak positively about the programs at the school and the efforts of the faculty and personnel, our kids will value the system in general and know that it is worth being a part of. If, however, we talk about school by simply complaining and gossiping without diving in to be a part of the solutions, our kids will pick up on that negativity as well.
There are so many things to do and even more not to do, that it can truly be overwhelming. By taking some time to reflect on these questions about who we are ourselves and about who we want our kids to be, we stand the best chance of all. Since we all care so much about our kids and our families, it is well-worth the time of setting up reasonable boundaries for our kids, requiring them to make good choices. Once they are out on their own, it will ultimately be up to them. By living a life of excellence in front of them, they will likely model that when it comes time to decide for themselves what kind of people they want to be.
Labels: addiction, choices, kids, responsibility
