Monday, November 16, 2009
Letting Go of the Small Stuff!
Letting go of the little things is essential if you want to be happy. Whether it's with your friends or with your spouse, you need to drop the small stuff. If a friend says something that seems offensive, try to give her the benefit of the doubt. Even if you're pretty sure she meant to be rude, let it go. "Let it go?" you might ask, "even if she intended to irritate me?" Yep! Even if she judged your financial status or insinuated that you have a messy house, it's worth it to move on.
What about your spouse? He can give off a skunk's share of grumpiness too. Like when he intentionally grunts under his breath to inform you that he hates your nagging. Or, when he slams a cupboard a bit harder than normal, just because he's had a bad day. Maybe your hubby just frustrates you because of his lack of follow-through. His socks might literally leap out of the laundry basket from shock if they ever ventured into the right bin. Maybe it chaps your hide when he leaves the milk out or doesn't put away the bread after making his sandwich. You know they're pretty small things though compared to how much he loves you and how he makes you laugh.
Letting stuff go applies to your kids as well. They can pack a surprising punch, even though they're little and cute. The other day, my kids told me that my sister's car was way cleaner than ours. The statement was truthful, but it still made me feel like a dork. Was it worth stewing over? Nope. Or, like the time my son said something about my tummy looking big. While his comment was slightly rude for a six-year-old, it wasn't worth hanging onto. I've actually been looking pretty good lately, so I wasn't gonna let my skinny little son's comment get me into a foul mood.
Whomever you find irritating, it's worth it to give a little bit of grace. Letting the small stuff go actually makes you happier and healthier. When you hold onto each comment or each act of frustration put upon you, you're the one that suffers. You feel the weight of the issue while the other person goes unaffected. While it might seem like you benefit somehow from stewing over a feisty remark, the truth is that it prevents you from having a joyful day.
Some things are actually worth digesting the heck out of, like a conversation that deals with your family's value system or a major upcoming decision involving a move or a job-change. Issues of faith and commitment are uber-important as well. But, most topics don't comply with the cost benefit analysis of a full-on blow-out. And even when the important topics are broached, they should still be evaluated with a grain of salt. Both parties should also incorporate a methodology that gives each person a fair turn to share his or her side of the story.
Obviously, topics involving extended family can tip the scales of user discretion and serenity. For example, someone says, "Your mom said such-and-such." Or another blurts out, "My sister was offended that you blah-blah-blah." They're relatively important scenarios, but not worthy enough to wreck an entire weekend. Even the upcoming holidays can bring on a variety of heated discussions. Will you travel for Turkey Day and Christmas or make the fam come to you? What will you work on before the holidays, the bathroom that's needed to be repainted for over a year now or the landscaping that's looking a little bit weathered? Will you serve turkey and ham or just ditch the messy kitchen scene and eat out instead?
The question you have to ask amidst all of these things with your friends, spouse, kids, and extended family is, "Will this matter in a week or two?" If the answer is "NO!" then you need to let it go. If it will seriously still be an issue after seven to fourteen days, you can at least sleep on it for a few days before raising the drama-level to a red alert. After a solid night's rest, if it's still putting a kink in your neck, then find a sensible time to discuss it with reasonable expectations of how it might be resolved. Remember to make respectful "I feel" statements instead of using "You always..." ones.
The result of dismissing inconsequential matters not only makes you happier and healthier, it gives you more time to work on other stuff. For example, you could bless someone else with an uplifting email or a relaxed phone call rather than a heated whining session. Think of the possibilities with your spouse. Instead of a one to two hour argument over whatever it was, you could do something else more interactive (use your imagination :)). The guys reading this post have just awoken from their slumbered state and are now attentive and enthusiastic. Just remember to keep things light this holiday season by extending grace to those you love.
Share how you've decided to chill out more about life's smaller details. We'd love to hear from you.
What about your spouse? He can give off a skunk's share of grumpiness too. Like when he intentionally grunts under his breath to inform you that he hates your nagging. Or, when he slams a cupboard a bit harder than normal, just because he's had a bad day. Maybe your hubby just frustrates you because of his lack of follow-through. His socks might literally leap out of the laundry basket from shock if they ever ventured into the right bin. Maybe it chaps your hide when he leaves the milk out or doesn't put away the bread after making his sandwich. You know they're pretty small things though compared to how much he loves you and how he makes you laugh.
Letting stuff go applies to your kids as well. They can pack a surprising punch, even though they're little and cute. The other day, my kids told me that my sister's car was way cleaner than ours. The statement was truthful, but it still made me feel like a dork. Was it worth stewing over? Nope. Or, like the time my son said something about my tummy looking big. While his comment was slightly rude for a six-year-old, it wasn't worth hanging onto. I've actually been looking pretty good lately, so I wasn't gonna let my skinny little son's comment get me into a foul mood.
Whomever you find irritating, it's worth it to give a little bit of grace. Letting the small stuff go actually makes you happier and healthier. When you hold onto each comment or each act of frustration put upon you, you're the one that suffers. You feel the weight of the issue while the other person goes unaffected. While it might seem like you benefit somehow from stewing over a feisty remark, the truth is that it prevents you from having a joyful day.
Some things are actually worth digesting the heck out of, like a conversation that deals with your family's value system or a major upcoming decision involving a move or a job-change. Issues of faith and commitment are uber-important as well. But, most topics don't comply with the cost benefit analysis of a full-on blow-out. And even when the important topics are broached, they should still be evaluated with a grain of salt. Both parties should also incorporate a methodology that gives each person a fair turn to share his or her side of the story.
Obviously, topics involving extended family can tip the scales of user discretion and serenity. For example, someone says, "Your mom said such-and-such." Or another blurts out, "My sister was offended that you blah-blah-blah." They're relatively important scenarios, but not worthy enough to wreck an entire weekend. Even the upcoming holidays can bring on a variety of heated discussions. Will you travel for Turkey Day and Christmas or make the fam come to you? What will you work on before the holidays, the bathroom that's needed to be repainted for over a year now or the landscaping that's looking a little bit weathered? Will you serve turkey and ham or just ditch the messy kitchen scene and eat out instead?
The question you have to ask amidst all of these things with your friends, spouse, kids, and extended family is, "Will this matter in a week or two?" If the answer is "NO!" then you need to let it go. If it will seriously still be an issue after seven to fourteen days, you can at least sleep on it for a few days before raising the drama-level to a red alert. After a solid night's rest, if it's still putting a kink in your neck, then find a sensible time to discuss it with reasonable expectations of how it might be resolved. Remember to make respectful "I feel" statements instead of using "You always..." ones.
The result of dismissing inconsequential matters not only makes you happier and healthier, it gives you more time to work on other stuff. For example, you could bless someone else with an uplifting email or a relaxed phone call rather than a heated whining session. Think of the possibilities with your spouse. Instead of a one to two hour argument over whatever it was, you could do something else more interactive (use your imagination :)). The guys reading this post have just awoken from their slumbered state and are now attentive and enthusiastic. Just remember to keep things light this holiday season by extending grace to those you love.
Share how you've decided to chill out more about life's smaller details. We'd love to hear from you.
Labels: family, friendship, grace, happiness, holiday, spouse
