Tuesday, January 04, 2011
I was a total idiot...
So, if you're an avid golfer like I used to be, you're familiar with the meaning of a mulligan. You know that it's when you hit the ball from the tee and it sucks so badly that you get to have a do-over. A clean slate. Total forgiveness this one time. Well, as life so frequently applies to some sort of golf metaphor, mine did as such earlier this evening.
I was WAITING for my husband to get home from work. I'd done my fair share of meal preps, taxi-cab-kid-pick-ups, volunteering in the classroom, and had also given a fair share of homework guidance amongst a plethora of other tasks. So, I was ready for my break, a chance to sprint off to the gym with U2 blaring way too loud from my headphones.
So, why was Hubby about an hour late? For a totally good reason, of course: 2 dozen pink-tea colored roses, a bottle of fabulous Merlot, a package of tasty chicken raviolis accompanied by an amazing pesto sauce, and a spa gift card inside of a card... that said, "Each small kindness, like a seed, grows tall in memory...THANK YOU!" Then my husband added to the generic card's message, "...for the greatest kindness of all--being my wife. I love you!"
So, how did I respond? Like a total idiot. I didn't seem especially thankful. I was a bit miffed that I didn't get off to the gym when I'd intended to... that I was now going to feel starved after my three mile run and 30 minute weight circuit. My eyes expressed a bit of apprehension about the money as well.
The money that my husband spent on "me" for one of our normal stay-at-home Tuesday date-nights, which contrasted financially to our standard one dollar Redbox movie rentals. I am our resident accountant after all. My name-tag says, "Budget-master." Doesn't he remember that?
And then, it hit me. "What kind of an idiot acts stressed out about getting these lovely gifts and such kindhearted servant-hood?" An idiot like myself...that's who! But, I'm sure you can relate about certain acts of lameness, right? Tell me I'm not totally alone!
It goes to show that after twelve point five years of marriage, my husband is still a charming prince and I have turned into a bit of a practical nut-ball. In my head, I'm figuring out the other things we "needed" to buy for the month. I'm planning ahead to one of our kid's upcoming birthday parties, thinking, "OK, how are we going to pay for this and that?"
But, here's the thing: when you are blessed to have a loving and faithful spouse, you should accept their gifts even when they seem a bit impractical. You certainly don't question them like I did. And you should act blissfully thankful no matter how many dumb neurons fire off inside of your dense brain cavity.
But we all do it, from time to time. We take our spouse for granted. We forget that we married Mr. Wonderful. Our lives can so easily become about ritual, kid-management, tasks, appointments, bills, and to-do lists. Sometimes, the mundane simply takes over and we literally forget what marriage is. We act like it is a mere business partnership, when it needs to be about so much more: romance, companionship, and laughter.
I married someone wonderful, handsome, and brilliant. Of course, I frequently minimize these truths when I want to win an argument or put my own spin on things. But truth be told, being an idiot tonight acted as an important reminder of the amazing blessing staring me in the face every single day.
I'm so lucky to have my husband as my partner for my whole life, even when life is hard. Even when our communication sucks at times. Even when we don't feel emotionally intertwined and addicted to one another as Hollywood falsely portrays its average love relationship to be.
So I'm actually glad I was a mental-case tonight. It makes me want to work harder to be even more in love with my husband. He certainly is the first to admit his own list of imperfections, but tonight he came pretty d--n close to perfect... and I was too blind to see it. So I desire to be more patient, caring, and appreciative of him.
If you have a loved one who is doing his best to show you that he loves you, accept his efforts. Say, "Thank you" and "I love you" and "You are amazing" even if it's not the exact thing you were thinking of for tonight, this week, or this month. We should all remember that we are lucky to be loved. And we are blessed to have someone else to love as well.
Keeping it real. Share your thoughts about love and marriage. We'd love to hear from you. ;)
I was WAITING for my husband to get home from work. I'd done my fair share of meal preps, taxi-cab-kid-pick-ups, volunteering in the classroom, and had also given a fair share of homework guidance amongst a plethora of other tasks. So, I was ready for my break, a chance to sprint off to the gym with U2 blaring way too loud from my headphones.
So, why was Hubby about an hour late? For a totally good reason, of course: 2 dozen pink-tea colored roses, a bottle of fabulous Merlot, a package of tasty chicken raviolis accompanied by an amazing pesto sauce, and a spa gift card inside of a card... that said, "Each small kindness, like a seed, grows tall in memory...THANK YOU!" Then my husband added to the generic card's message, "...for the greatest kindness of all--being my wife. I love you!"
So, how did I respond? Like a total idiot. I didn't seem especially thankful. I was a bit miffed that I didn't get off to the gym when I'd intended to... that I was now going to feel starved after my three mile run and 30 minute weight circuit. My eyes expressed a bit of apprehension about the money as well.
The money that my husband spent on "me" for one of our normal stay-at-home Tuesday date-nights, which contrasted financially to our standard one dollar Redbox movie rentals. I am our resident accountant after all. My name-tag says, "Budget-master." Doesn't he remember that?
And then, it hit me. "What kind of an idiot acts stressed out about getting these lovely gifts and such kindhearted servant-hood?" An idiot like myself...that's who! But, I'm sure you can relate about certain acts of lameness, right? Tell me I'm not totally alone!
It goes to show that after twelve point five years of marriage, my husband is still a charming prince and I have turned into a bit of a practical nut-ball. In my head, I'm figuring out the other things we "needed" to buy for the month. I'm planning ahead to one of our kid's upcoming birthday parties, thinking, "OK, how are we going to pay for this and that?"
But, here's the thing: when you are blessed to have a loving and faithful spouse, you should accept their gifts even when they seem a bit impractical. You certainly don't question them like I did. And you should act blissfully thankful no matter how many dumb neurons fire off inside of your dense brain cavity.
But we all do it, from time to time. We take our spouse for granted. We forget that we married Mr. Wonderful. Our lives can so easily become about ritual, kid-management, tasks, appointments, bills, and to-do lists. Sometimes, the mundane simply takes over and we literally forget what marriage is. We act like it is a mere business partnership, when it needs to be about so much more: romance, companionship, and laughter.
I married someone wonderful, handsome, and brilliant. Of course, I frequently minimize these truths when I want to win an argument or put my own spin on things. But truth be told, being an idiot tonight acted as an important reminder of the amazing blessing staring me in the face every single day.
I'm so lucky to have my husband as my partner for my whole life, even when life is hard. Even when our communication sucks at times. Even when we don't feel emotionally intertwined and addicted to one another as Hollywood falsely portrays its average love relationship to be.
So I'm actually glad I was a mental-case tonight. It makes me want to work harder to be even more in love with my husband. He certainly is the first to admit his own list of imperfections, but tonight he came pretty d--n close to perfect... and I was too blind to see it. So I desire to be more patient, caring, and appreciative of him.
If you have a loved one who is doing his best to show you that he loves you, accept his efforts. Say, "Thank you" and "I love you" and "You are amazing" even if it's not the exact thing you were thinking of for tonight, this week, or this month. We should all remember that we are lucky to be loved. And we are blessed to have someone else to love as well.
Keeping it real. Share your thoughts about love and marriage. We'd love to hear from you. ;)
Labels: humor, idiot, marriage, spouse
Monday, November 16, 2009
Letting Go of the Small Stuff!
Letting go of the little things is essential if you want to be happy. Whether it's with your friends or with your spouse, you need to drop the small stuff. If a friend says something that seems offensive, try to give her the benefit of the doubt. Even if you're pretty sure she meant to be rude, let it go. "Let it go?" you might ask, "even if she intended to irritate me?" Yep! Even if she judged your financial status or insinuated that you have a messy house, it's worth it to move on.
What about your spouse? He can give off a skunk's share of grumpiness too. Like when he intentionally grunts under his breath to inform you that he hates your nagging. Or, when he slams a cupboard a bit harder than normal, just because he's had a bad day. Maybe your hubby just frustrates you because of his lack of follow-through. His socks might literally leap out of the laundry basket from shock if they ever ventured into the right bin. Maybe it chaps your hide when he leaves the milk out or doesn't put away the bread after making his sandwich. You know they're pretty small things though compared to how much he loves you and how he makes you laugh.
Letting stuff go applies to your kids as well. They can pack a surprising punch, even though they're little and cute. The other day, my kids told me that my sister's car was way cleaner than ours. The statement was truthful, but it still made me feel like a dork. Was it worth stewing over? Nope. Or, like the time my son said something about my tummy looking big. While his comment was slightly rude for a six-year-old, it wasn't worth hanging onto. I've actually been looking pretty good lately, so I wasn't gonna let my skinny little son's comment get me into a foul mood.
Whomever you find irritating, it's worth it to give a little bit of grace. Letting the small stuff go actually makes you happier and healthier. When you hold onto each comment or each act of frustration put upon you, you're the one that suffers. You feel the weight of the issue while the other person goes unaffected. While it might seem like you benefit somehow from stewing over a feisty remark, the truth is that it prevents you from having a joyful day.
Some things are actually worth digesting the heck out of, like a conversation that deals with your family's value system or a major upcoming decision involving a move or a job-change. Issues of faith and commitment are uber-important as well. But, most topics don't comply with the cost benefit analysis of a full-on blow-out. And even when the important topics are broached, they should still be evaluated with a grain of salt. Both parties should also incorporate a methodology that gives each person a fair turn to share his or her side of the story.
Obviously, topics involving extended family can tip the scales of user discretion and serenity. For example, someone says, "Your mom said such-and-such." Or another blurts out, "My sister was offended that you blah-blah-blah." They're relatively important scenarios, but not worthy enough to wreck an entire weekend. Even the upcoming holidays can bring on a variety of heated discussions. Will you travel for Turkey Day and Christmas or make the fam come to you? What will you work on before the holidays, the bathroom that's needed to be repainted for over a year now or the landscaping that's looking a little bit weathered? Will you serve turkey and ham or just ditch the messy kitchen scene and eat out instead?
The question you have to ask amidst all of these things with your friends, spouse, kids, and extended family is, "Will this matter in a week or two?" If the answer is "NO!" then you need to let it go. If it will seriously still be an issue after seven to fourteen days, you can at least sleep on it for a few days before raising the drama-level to a red alert. After a solid night's rest, if it's still putting a kink in your neck, then find a sensible time to discuss it with reasonable expectations of how it might be resolved. Remember to make respectful "I feel" statements instead of using "You always..." ones.
The result of dismissing inconsequential matters not only makes you happier and healthier, it gives you more time to work on other stuff. For example, you could bless someone else with an uplifting email or a relaxed phone call rather than a heated whining session. Think of the possibilities with your spouse. Instead of a one to two hour argument over whatever it was, you could do something else more interactive (use your imagination :)). The guys reading this post have just awoken from their slumbered state and are now attentive and enthusiastic. Just remember to keep things light this holiday season by extending grace to those you love.
Share how you've decided to chill out more about life's smaller details. We'd love to hear from you.
What about your spouse? He can give off a skunk's share of grumpiness too. Like when he intentionally grunts under his breath to inform you that he hates your nagging. Or, when he slams a cupboard a bit harder than normal, just because he's had a bad day. Maybe your hubby just frustrates you because of his lack of follow-through. His socks might literally leap out of the laundry basket from shock if they ever ventured into the right bin. Maybe it chaps your hide when he leaves the milk out or doesn't put away the bread after making his sandwich. You know they're pretty small things though compared to how much he loves you and how he makes you laugh.
Letting stuff go applies to your kids as well. They can pack a surprising punch, even though they're little and cute. The other day, my kids told me that my sister's car was way cleaner than ours. The statement was truthful, but it still made me feel like a dork. Was it worth stewing over? Nope. Or, like the time my son said something about my tummy looking big. While his comment was slightly rude for a six-year-old, it wasn't worth hanging onto. I've actually been looking pretty good lately, so I wasn't gonna let my skinny little son's comment get me into a foul mood.
Whomever you find irritating, it's worth it to give a little bit of grace. Letting the small stuff go actually makes you happier and healthier. When you hold onto each comment or each act of frustration put upon you, you're the one that suffers. You feel the weight of the issue while the other person goes unaffected. While it might seem like you benefit somehow from stewing over a feisty remark, the truth is that it prevents you from having a joyful day.
Some things are actually worth digesting the heck out of, like a conversation that deals with your family's value system or a major upcoming decision involving a move or a job-change. Issues of faith and commitment are uber-important as well. But, most topics don't comply with the cost benefit analysis of a full-on blow-out. And even when the important topics are broached, they should still be evaluated with a grain of salt. Both parties should also incorporate a methodology that gives each person a fair turn to share his or her side of the story.
Obviously, topics involving extended family can tip the scales of user discretion and serenity. For example, someone says, "Your mom said such-and-such." Or another blurts out, "My sister was offended that you blah-blah-blah." They're relatively important scenarios, but not worthy enough to wreck an entire weekend. Even the upcoming holidays can bring on a variety of heated discussions. Will you travel for Turkey Day and Christmas or make the fam come to you? What will you work on before the holidays, the bathroom that's needed to be repainted for over a year now or the landscaping that's looking a little bit weathered? Will you serve turkey and ham or just ditch the messy kitchen scene and eat out instead?
The question you have to ask amidst all of these things with your friends, spouse, kids, and extended family is, "Will this matter in a week or two?" If the answer is "NO!" then you need to let it go. If it will seriously still be an issue after seven to fourteen days, you can at least sleep on it for a few days before raising the drama-level to a red alert. After a solid night's rest, if it's still putting a kink in your neck, then find a sensible time to discuss it with reasonable expectations of how it might be resolved. Remember to make respectful "I feel" statements instead of using "You always..." ones.
The result of dismissing inconsequential matters not only makes you happier and healthier, it gives you more time to work on other stuff. For example, you could bless someone else with an uplifting email or a relaxed phone call rather than a heated whining session. Think of the possibilities with your spouse. Instead of a one to two hour argument over whatever it was, you could do something else more interactive (use your imagination :)). The guys reading this post have just awoken from their slumbered state and are now attentive and enthusiastic. Just remember to keep things light this holiday season by extending grace to those you love.
Share how you've decided to chill out more about life's smaller details. We'd love to hear from you.
Labels: family, friendship, grace, happiness, holiday, spouse
