Friday, February 25, 2011
Stupid stuff
I was at my daughter's preschool yesterday in such a great mood. You know when the birds are singing a duet just for your benefit and Mr. Sun's rays shine down on you alone? You feel like you're in the 2007 movie Enchanted, singing next to Amy Adams where love fills the air. The day is going along great and then, like a tornado springing down from the heavens, someone derails your happy day.
The comment took me completely by surprise. As I walked into the classroom to pick up my youngest daughter, one of her teachers darted a critical and unapologetic comment down my spine. Her tone was harsh and humiliating and all I could tell her was, "Well, we're working on it."
It stung like a bee sting because I actually care about this person's opinion of me and of my daughter. Unfortunately, the stinger dug deeper than I'd initially realized. I tossed and turned throughout part of the night about how I should respond. But we've all experienced this before, right?
After the over-digestion of this dilemma last night, I awoke and still felt irritated. And I'm frustrated that it's still bugging me. But then it hit me! We all say stupid stuff sometimes. Haven't you done it a plethora of times before as well? Your unkind words come out in a zingy tone and then you wish you'd been able to keep your big mouth shut. You long to type in "Control Z" but it's too late.
As moms, we owe it to one another to give a pass when the stupid stuff comes out. If there are repeated cruel offenses, then it's worth rectifying the situation. But if the icy cold remarks are few and far between, then we should all just give some grace. Who knows if my daughter's teacher had just had a really rough day? Maybe she was exhausted and took out her pent up frustrations on us.
It's hard to act like the bigger person, even as adults, but the pay-off is huge. First, we get to feel good about doing the right thing. Second, we get to act as mature role models for our kids. When they see us choosing not to overreact to someone's idiocy, they too will gain a sense of metered calm in their own social situations.
The obvious truth is that we're surrounded by imperfect people who occasionally say stupid stuff. So before your next confrontation with an unfriendly encounter, decide how you want to respond: by freaking out or by giving that person a second chance?
Keeping it real. Share your thoughts on dealing with difficult people or situations. We'd love to hear from you. :)
The comment took me completely by surprise. As I walked into the classroom to pick up my youngest daughter, one of her teachers darted a critical and unapologetic comment down my spine. Her tone was harsh and humiliating and all I could tell her was, "Well, we're working on it."
It stung like a bee sting because I actually care about this person's opinion of me and of my daughter. Unfortunately, the stinger dug deeper than I'd initially realized. I tossed and turned throughout part of the night about how I should respond. But we've all experienced this before, right?
After the over-digestion of this dilemma last night, I awoke and still felt irritated. And I'm frustrated that it's still bugging me. But then it hit me! We all say stupid stuff sometimes. Haven't you done it a plethora of times before as well? Your unkind words come out in a zingy tone and then you wish you'd been able to keep your big mouth shut. You long to type in "Control Z" but it's too late.
As moms, we owe it to one another to give a pass when the stupid stuff comes out. If there are repeated cruel offenses, then it's worth rectifying the situation. But if the icy cold remarks are few and far between, then we should all just give some grace. Who knows if my daughter's teacher had just had a really rough day? Maybe she was exhausted and took out her pent up frustrations on us.
It's hard to act like the bigger person, even as adults, but the pay-off is huge. First, we get to feel good about doing the right thing. Second, we get to act as mature role models for our kids. When they see us choosing not to overreact to someone's idiocy, they too will gain a sense of metered calm in their own social situations.
The obvious truth is that we're surrounded by imperfect people who occasionally say stupid stuff. So before your next confrontation with an unfriendly encounter, decide how you want to respond: by freaking out or by giving that person a second chance?
Keeping it real. Share your thoughts on dealing with difficult people or situations. We'd love to hear from you. :)
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Adjusting to the New School Year
The school year is back into full swing. And let's face it, it's just flat out hard to adjust. What this looks like for most families is cranky kids with breakfast on the go while racing out the door with strong coffee in hand. It also means piles of papers: pink ones for the office, yellow copies for the teachers, and white ones for you. Be careful not to trip on the pile of backpacks filling the entryway. And can you believe they already have so much homework? So, in this moment of honesty, how's it going for your family?
We're actually doing relatively well. But, my brain is still on summer break. No matter how much coffee I drink, it stubbornly refuses to switch back over to the chaotic school routine. The grumpy zone is not a fun place to reside, but that's where we live these days. The kids are completely in shock. Let's face it, we're all tired, starving at the wrong times, and confused about what to wear. I have to remind my kids, "No, you can't wear those flip-flops...only the ones with the straps behind the ankle."
During this period of transition, it's easy to rely on our feelings instead of using self-control. For example, today we got home from school and my middle daughter burst into tears as if someone had died. The crisis: her sister had knocked over her fort from this morning. The response: total freak-a-matic blow-out. It took me by surprise because we'd just gotten home from school after chatting with her teacher, who shared how well she was doing. Though I'd thought her day was peachy-keen, there was more underneath the surface; this was the time when I needed to use my heart instead of my brain. I had to offer my daughter grace!
For my daughter, this meant simply holding her in my lap like a baby while she cried. I kissed and hugged her and told her it was going to be alright. Then, after a few minutes, she was fine. If I'd been using just my head to respond rationally to the situation, I likely would have disciplined her for the disrespectful over-reaction. But, I could tell in my heart that she was just needing some attention and love. Sometimes, our kids don't even realize why they're upset until we sit them down to talk. Then, they begin to open up.
After chatting, I realized she had cut her finger at school. She shared how upset she was that her finger had bled earlier. Even that didn't seem like a big deal to me, but what mattered was that it had bothered her. Because I invested three minutes to stop and listen, she felt cared for and subsequently settled down. And what a difference those 180 seconds made for the rest of the afternoon.
I'm glad I responded with kindness rather than with anger. But sometimes, I don't respond as well as I'd like to because I'm tired, hungry, and emotional as well. We all have those imperfect moments when we say things we'll regret later. So, here's a reminder to help you avoid those situations. Take a deep breath and show your kids some extra compassion and affection. Try to figure out what's bugging your kids deep down. And if they don't feel like shooting the breeze, just give them a hug and a kiss to show that you care.
For the next few weeks, let's allow our kids to make a few mistakes as they transition back to the school schedule. Let their rooms stay messy. Give them an extra snack before bed if they need one. Forgive them quickly if they go off the deep end for "no reason." And no matter how old your kids are, take the time to sit down, chill out, and listen to what's going on. If you need some extra coffee for yourself and a nap during the afternoon, go for it! And suppose you do lose it for a few moments, remember to give yourself some grace too because you're making a plethora of adjustments as well.
Share how the school year has started out for your family. We'd love to hear from you! :)
We're actually doing relatively well. But, my brain is still on summer break. No matter how much coffee I drink, it stubbornly refuses to switch back over to the chaotic school routine. The grumpy zone is not a fun place to reside, but that's where we live these days. The kids are completely in shock. Let's face it, we're all tired, starving at the wrong times, and confused about what to wear. I have to remind my kids, "No, you can't wear those flip-flops...only the ones with the straps behind the ankle."
During this period of transition, it's easy to rely on our feelings instead of using self-control. For example, today we got home from school and my middle daughter burst into tears as if someone had died. The crisis: her sister had knocked over her fort from this morning. The response: total freak-a-matic blow-out. It took me by surprise because we'd just gotten home from school after chatting with her teacher, who shared how well she was doing. Though I'd thought her day was peachy-keen, there was more underneath the surface; this was the time when I needed to use my heart instead of my brain. I had to offer my daughter grace!
For my daughter, this meant simply holding her in my lap like a baby while she cried. I kissed and hugged her and told her it was going to be alright. Then, after a few minutes, she was fine. If I'd been using just my head to respond rationally to the situation, I likely would have disciplined her for the disrespectful over-reaction. But, I could tell in my heart that she was just needing some attention and love. Sometimes, our kids don't even realize why they're upset until we sit them down to talk. Then, they begin to open up.
After chatting, I realized she had cut her finger at school. She shared how upset she was that her finger had bled earlier. Even that didn't seem like a big deal to me, but what mattered was that it had bothered her. Because I invested three minutes to stop and listen, she felt cared for and subsequently settled down. And what a difference those 180 seconds made for the rest of the afternoon.
I'm glad I responded with kindness rather than with anger. But sometimes, I don't respond as well as I'd like to because I'm tired, hungry, and emotional as well. We all have those imperfect moments when we say things we'll regret later. So, here's a reminder to help you avoid those situations. Take a deep breath and show your kids some extra compassion and affection. Try to figure out what's bugging your kids deep down. And if they don't feel like shooting the breeze, just give them a hug and a kiss to show that you care.
For the next few weeks, let's allow our kids to make a few mistakes as they transition back to the school schedule. Let their rooms stay messy. Give them an extra snack before bed if they need one. Forgive them quickly if they go off the deep end for "no reason." And no matter how old your kids are, take the time to sit down, chill out, and listen to what's going on. If you need some extra coffee for yourself and a nap during the afternoon, go for it! And suppose you do lose it for a few moments, remember to give yourself some grace too because you're making a plethora of adjustments as well.
Share how the school year has started out for your family. We'd love to hear from you! :)
