Mariposa Kisses (aka Dianne's Blog)

Being a worry-freak is hard work, especially as a first-time parent. You’re already sleep-deprived and exhausted from all the food preparation, dirty laundry, and all the poopy diapers. I know I'm preaching to the choir, but why do first time parents stress out so much? Do you think the worrying really makes a difference?

You buy all the safety gear and have it in place before little Gracie even makes it home from the hospital. From socket covers to toilet locks, you're ready for battle. You research the best stroller, the safest car-seat, and the toughest car. Who cares if you have to get a second mortgage to finance it all? You won't need the baby gates for several months, but you purchase a few for good measure just in case they’re sold out when she does her first roly-poly roll. You've even painted her perfect pink room with organic paint, in case she decides to munch on it down the road.

Once she's landed on planet Earth, you begin to worry about everything from A to Z. Every germ cries out for a sanitizer wipe and even clean looking carpet becomes a feared enemy. Once she starts to toddle, you stress about all the germ-infested playground equipment at the park and the play-sets at the mall. Every sneeze or cough from a passerby provides a spooky tingle down your spine. You know you need to get out and socialize, but you feel obsessive compulsive about your ability to make it to normal social events because she might just get a cold or something worse, like the rainbow colored measles. At night, you hear every single noise through that magical box as you sprint like a cheetah to ensure that she’s not choking on her pediatric approved binky. You lie awake thinking, “Did I actually turn the stove off?"

Here's the thing about parenthood, you’re not actually in control. As a professional worrier, I’ve had to learn to trust God for my three kids over the years. After our son almost fell through my mom's two-story flight of stairs, I thanked God for sparing him. During our recent vacation, he almost drowned and we thanked God for alerting us in time. After our middle child ate the leg off of a glass starfish, we thanked God for protecting her body. When this same daughter went missing after pick-up from her preschool last year, God stepped in again. When our third child had difficulty breathing as a one-day old, we thanked God for getting her through the night. When she got bronchitis and pneumonia as a two-year-old, God came through again.

Do your best as a parent and remember that God is holding your little prince or angel even more carefully than you are. You can take a deep breath because He’s holding you as well. The upshot of all the crazy stories is that you’ll have a really funny rehearsal dinner some day when your baby gets married.

Labels: parenthood, worry

To "pray without ceasing"...what does that even mean? I know the Apostle Paul was a good guy and he wouldn't mislead us unintentionally, but his words from the Bible confuse me (found in 1 Thessalonians 5:17 and in Ephesians 6:18).

As women, we tend to worry a ton. Unfortunately, praying becomes a common extension of that worry. So, when we are called to "pray without ceasing" it can seem like a stressful charge. To worry without ceasing...how can that be what God wants?

I've taught my kids to pray with thankful hearts. Because of this, we form our prayers out loud by saying, "Thank you God that you care for this or that specific thing." The problem is that it's easier to pray that way in front of my kids, but on my own, I'm like "Pleeeeeease God, help with this or that."

During my own private prayer-time I frequently beg like a whiny brat for what I think I need the most. Most of these petitions are honorable ones; however, my attitude becomes weary and repetitive like a child asking for some cotton candy at the circus.

I find it especially difficult to "pray without ceasing" when I don't see any results. What about the sour family relationship that refuses to mend itself no matter how hard I try to put it back together? What about practical needs like finances, our kids' health, or even our own health? If God cares so much, then why is he so slow?

I know we can't change Scripture, but I've decided for my own spiritual development to rethink Paul's words. Since the instruction to "pray without ceasing" makes me mindful of all of my troubles, I'm going to retrain myself to read it as "trust without ceasing."

This means re-evaluating what I get out of prayer. If prayer is mainly a place I go to "get" something in return, I may continue to be disappointed. In contrast, if I focus the time on Who I am with, by addressing the time reverently with praise and adoration, I feel it will lead to trust. As I learn to believe that God is trustworthy, then I think my prayer-time will conclude with peace instead of strife.

Labels: moms, prayer, worry

Have you ever met a worry monster before? You might wonder what I'm talking about, so I'll reword my question. Have you ever met a mom before? Let's face it Moms, we're worry-warts down to the core. We can't help it. It's second nature to think through every possible scenario, which makes us efficient at paying the bills but not so good at relaxing and lowering our blood pressure.

While it's reasonable for us to be cautious, it's ridiculous to be consumed by worry. We should make intelligent choices to protect our family, like locking the doors at night, closing first-floor windows, and storing dangerous house-hold items in safe places. We can also be smart when we're out and about, by holding our child's hand while crossing the street, teaching her to ask us first before accepting candy from a stranger, and having her stay close by while at the mall or at a theme park.

Most of us are a bit more generous with our cautious natures. We worry about everything. What if the phone bill fell out of the mailbox? What if the mom doing carpool today gets hit by another car? What if the note I wrote to his teacher fell out of his folder? Does my daughter remember our phone number if she needs to call me while at the slumber party? What if someone kidnaps my kids while they are waiting for me to pick them up from soccer practice? What if my daughter's frequent bloody noses means she has a brain tumor?

If you aren't this kind of incessant worrier, then forgive my generalizations. But, for most moms, we really have a hard time shutting down and letting go of our plethora of concerns. If we don't relax about the doomsday possibilities that affect a fairly small number of people, then we won't be able to live full lives. If you followed through on all of your worries, you'd never send your kid to camp or open your windows for a cool breeze. You'd always put your alarm system on, which would principally act as shock-therapy for your family and surrounding neighbors.

It's time to reclaim your life by choosing peace and calm. You can make wise and practical choices but can't save your kids from every possibility of imminent danger. A sun-flare could strike and there's nothing you could do about that (Anyone seen the new Nicholas Cage movie: Knowing?). So, do your best to care for your kids without losing your mind. Your family will appreciate it as well.

Labels: family, kids, moms, worry

It is reasonable to be cautious as moms. We wash our kids' hands excessively during the flu season. We hold their hands while crossing the street. We teach them not to eat things they find on the ground and not to go anywhere with strangers. However, life can be overwhelming, especially when events are out of our control.

With the recent swine flu pandemic, I have felt feelings of fear and have felt a lack of perspective with my own family. I have asked myself, "Am I doing enough to keep my kids safe?" even though I have hand sanitizer in my son's lunch pail, almost every room of the house, and in both cars.

Likewise, I have pondered, "If my kids get this flu, will they all pull through?". Last night, I had to watch a tv show online just to relax. I felt like I couldn't get my mind off of these entangling worries. Every news page I read is freaking me out with headlines about "more deaths to come".

Can we do more than wash our hands, cover our mouths and noses when sneezing or coughing, and avoid sick people? Not really. We have to use common sense and then surrender the outcome because worrying doesn't really help. Initially, the anxiety causes us to go into hyper-freak-out mode as we buy an additional supply of water and food for the house, place a plethora of sanitizers about, and overdose our kids with vitamin C. However, after that, the benefits of the anxiety dissipate. So, we have to stop worrying.

What's our response as moms? Take it one day at a time. We should stay informed, but maybe only a few times a day. At first, I was checking various news websites multiple times per day. Likewise, I was viewing the CDC website more frequently than they themselves were. It got me nowhere except feeling stressed and helpless. So, yesterday, I took my kids to a beautiful garden setting where we frolicked in the outside sun and chased butterflies. We avoided plenty of germs and I was nowhere near my laptop, so my temptation for updates was kept in check.

Besides leaving the house to stay distracted, calling a friend or visiting with someone is great anti-worry therapy as well. I decided to take a drive with my kids to visit my twin sister for lunch. It kept my mind distracted and I didn't feel so weighed down by my concerns.

Let's all do our best to stay healthy, both physically and mentally. That means, we do our best to protect ourselves and our kids from this swine flu while simultaneously taking things in stride. That way we won't exhaust ourselves unnecessarily.

Labels: mommy, swine flu, worry